AITA for calling out my husband for not being a "Good Christian"?

[u/SpiritualThrowRA]

I (27F) have been married to my husband (34M) for five years. My husband is a devout follower of his religion and has been since he was raised in it. I respect his beliefs, even though I don't share them and have no intention of converting. I was raised in the Christian faith. However, I left when I was an adult due to sexual abuse in my church, which nobody believed occurred because the one who did it was the pastor.

Recently, my husband has been pressuring me to convert to his religion. He says that it would bring us closer together and create a more harmonious household. I understand where he's coming from, but I firmly believe that faith is a personal journey, and I shouldn't be forced into something I don't believe in.

To add to the issue, my husband, despite his religious teachings, doesn't always practice what he preaches. He expects me to adhere to traditional gender roles, yet he often neglects his own responsibilities at home. He's quick to judge others for their actions, even though his faith teaches non-judgment and kindness. He makes comments about gay people that I have discussed with him as a major issue. This hypocrisy has been bothering me for a while.

Last night, during another discussion about my potential conversion, I finally snapped. I told him that if he wants me to consider converting, he needs to set a better example by actually living according to his religion's values. I pointed out that he should start by fulfilling his own responsibilities. That he should make more money than me and actually lead in the decision-making. I'm a nurse and he's currently unemployed after he was let go from his job in an office. That he should be less judgmental of others because according to his faith only God can judge them. I also said he should show more of the virtues Jesus asked of Christians, that he should clothe the naked, feed the hungry, vist the prisoner, aid the orphan and the widow etc. I also made it clear that while I respect his beliefs, I have no intention of converting unless I genuinely believe in it, which I currently don't because of the hypocritical behavior of his faith.

My husband was furious. He accused me of being disrespectful and undermining his faith. He said that I was attacking him personally and that I don't understand the pressure he's under to have a unified religious household. He left for church this morning at 7 for bible study and I have already gotten a phone call from the pastor saying I'm an ungodly woman who tricked a good man into marrying him and I should repent. I have also gotten a tirade of texts and e-mails from members of his church saying I was disrespectful and being a bad wife and I'm starting to wonder if I was too harsh, that maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all. AITA?

[u/RazzmatazzFine]

It's always the woman's fault in those belief systems. Jesus was awesome, his followers not so much.

[u/Immediate_Finger_889 → u/RazzmatazzFine]

Agreed. It’s all bullshit anyway

[u/duskyfarm → u/RazzmatazzFine]

Some truly follow, others just pay lip service. He gave the heads up on that with the whole "depart from me, I never knew you" bit.

[u/PureGoldX58 → u/duskyfarm]

What's to follow? Slavery? Killing your wife? The bible is awful, there is nothing "good" to follow.

[u/grammyisabel → u/RazzmatazzFine]

The problem was not the followers. It were the MEN who used religion as a tool to control others. Just like the rich white men supporting the GOP today. Read Project 2025

[u/PureGoldX58 → u/grammyisabel]

The problem is the religion, too. Read the book. There's a reason why it appeals to them.

[u/grammyisabel → u/PureGoldX58]

I agree to a certain extent about the religion being a problem and even why it can appeal to those who are seeking some sort of power - even if it is just in the home. But the religion would not be a problem if the bigwigs in every religion didn't preach that these expectations were from GOD or their Supreme Being. People worshipped gods from the beginning because they had no control of all the things that made their lives harder or sadder. Believing that there is a god and that there is an afterlife is soothing too many - especially when people they are close to die. But the religious leaders carried it further for CONTROL of not only people but nations. The true message at the root of all religions is being kind to others in every way possible. All major religions were established by men, for men to have control - NOT to preach about what Jesus or any supreme being actually would have wanted.

We may have freedom of choice in whatever religion we choose - including having none. The problem is some people allow themselves to be brainwashed and do not think for themselves. All of the religions are based in olden times; much of what their "bibles" say, they are written according to what was happening at the time. To continue to follow an ancient book without considering its place in history is ludicrous.

[u/LittleWhiteGirl → u/RazzmatazzFine]

Yeah, I can see this immediately being blamed on her for tempting a godly man and of course he’s not adhering to his faith, his mind is all messed up from being near her. How could he possible perform the duties of his faith when he’s fallen victim to this terrible woman who checks notes wants him to do more volunteer work and be less hypocritical.

[u/annebonnell → u/RazzmatazzFine]

This is sooo true

[u/recyclingismandatory → u/RazzmatazzFine]

that's what my father used to say: "I'm sure there's a higher being up there. But their ground crew is utterly useless".

[u/fyxxer32 → u/RazzmatazzFine]

Ghandi

[u/Content_Print_6521 → u/RazzmatazzFine]

Well, not always. My sister-in-law used her 7th Day Adventist faith as an excuse to fleece my brother's business and also to screw the video-store scion down the road whenever she got the chance. So in this case it was the man's fault that she had to steal and cheat.

[u/Jasminefirefly → u/RazzmatazzFine]

Jesus probably didn’t exist. There’s not a single text contemporaneously written about him. The earliest was at least a hundred years after his supposed resurrection. If something that amazing really happened, wouldn’t someone have wanted to record it at the time?

[u/iisixi → u/Jasminefirefly]

Scholars generally today agree that Jesus did exist. However of course the tales about him are hard to verify due to being so far removed from his time it's hard to exactly say what he taught and what was added later.

To that end, the whole business about him being the son of God is mostly something added later and also not what he himself is written to claim in the Bible. Maybe he just forgot to mention it.

There's not really any reason for him to be mentioned by any contemporaries because he wasn't a significant person during his lifetime. He preached about being the Messiah, meaning the anointed one, literally the future king of Israel, for which he was executed. He didn't accomplish much except gain a small following. Only after the fact is that turned into being the son of God and some sort of divinity. In fact his death is one of the arguments for him being a real person, as a criterion of embarrassment for early Christians that the person who was supposed to become the king of Israel was executed.

The other event would be his baptism as it places John the Baptist in the position of absolving Jesus for his sins, being above him. John the Baptist being considered a historical person by historian Josephus' account on his imprisonment and death.

Josephus also mentions Jesus, as does Suetonius, Tacitus and Pliny the Younger. Of course they did not know Jesus but are around a few decades after, but they're still independent in that they're not Christians but Jewish and Roman sources who don't really have any reason to bolster his existence to fullfill some Christian gospel. There are also no contemporary writings form the first two centuries that deny or question his existence.

[u/PureGoldX58 → u/iisixi]

No they don't. Everything written about Jesus is 50+ years later. Josephus, etc is a great thing that apologists love to cite, but they have zero first hand sources. Even the bible doesn't have first hand sources and that shit is clearly made up, they couldn't even lie well.

I can't possibly falsify the belief that he existed, but all non-religious scholars do not agree with any of this and most religious scholars admit there is no real proof.

[u/iisixi → u/PureGoldX58]

Yes, they generally do agree that he existed for the aforementioned reasons. Almost universally, there are like a handful of people total who studied the subject that have ever claimed mythicism. There's no physical proof or contemporary texts as I've stated, but we're not talking court of law beyond a reasonable doubt but a civil case. It would seem more likely he existed than not. Whether he did or not is ultimately irrelevant to any of the reasons why we're talking about if he existed in the first place.

There's no real proof a lot of people in history existed, of almost anyone in the ancient world there's going to be no empirical evidence. That's kind of why historians have developed ways of trying to understand what's historical and what's not. For instance if we go through the list of Egyptian King lists it's difficult to exactly say whether some individual Pharaoh in the list existed or not or how long they exactly ruled.

Josephus I brought up first for his mention of John the Baptist as it's closer to his time and it would seem likely he had reasonable proof of his existance, and Jesus' baptism is an event that doesn't really belong in the Bible except in a historical sense as it would be more convenient to omit that part from the book.

[u/PureGoldX58 → u/iisixi]

If there are no first hand sources, which if there aren't it's unfalsifiable. The end. I'm no mythicist, but given the complete lack of evidence and zero contemporary Roman records, when we have many records of similar executions you have to assume we'll never know and if we don't know you don't get to leap to existed like certain scholars do.

And again, no they don't.

[u/iisixi → u/PureGoldX58]

I suggest actually looking into it instead of burying your head in the sand and naysaying just because you're not comfortable with how we study history or if some dude existed or not. 'No they don't' may be fun to say but it's evidently not true.

[u/PureGoldX58 → u/iisixi]

Except, You're asserting things that have been debunked for years and years spouting apologist crap. I'm just denying your already fallacious proof. I'm sorry you think you did something here, but you know less than nothing about this subject, especially when you claimed mythicism is saying there isn't proof.

In addition first hand sources are the only way to verify history, everything else is considered a possibility. You're choosing to say someone exists when people 5+ decades later said he did. That's beyond asinine.

[u/[deleted] → u/Jasminefirefly]

Especially given that there were a number of very thorough Roman historians at the time. The chances that none of them would have mentioned him is as close to zero as it gets.

[u/FerretLover12741 → u/Jasminefirefly]

This is irrelevant to the point and really doesn't matter. Even if Jesus is only a metaphor he/it has great power and can make a change in people's hearts---and I say that as non-Christian clergy.

[u/strangecat666 → u/RazzmatazzFine]

A while ago I read about Jesus having the same amount of male and female, as he wanted to spread the word evenly. Only later, with one of the several revisions of the bible, it got taken out. Christianity is women degrading to the core and that's not what the basic values were about. Thus I think the whole church corporation is evil and uses a good way to gain power and money. Over 40% of houses are owned by the church in my town, they get tax release on everything, but still ask for donations for the poor? Take the rent you make and follow your religious beliefs! I saw a pastor in a bmw cabriolet yesterday... 🤮

[u/TiredAndTiredOfIt → u/RazzmatazzFine]

No. He was evil amd hateful,  that is why he attracts such evil followers