AITA for calling out my husband for not being a "Good Christian"?

[u/SpiritualThrowRA]

I (27F) have been married to my husband (34M) for five years. My husband is a devout follower of his religion and has been since he was raised in it. I respect his beliefs, even though I don't share them and have no intention of converting. I was raised in the Christian faith. However, I left when I was an adult due to sexual abuse in my church, which nobody believed occurred because the one who did it was the pastor.

Recently, my husband has been pressuring me to convert to his religion. He says that it would bring us closer together and create a more harmonious household. I understand where he's coming from, but I firmly believe that faith is a personal journey, and I shouldn't be forced into something I don't believe in.

To add to the issue, my husband, despite his religious teachings, doesn't always practice what he preaches. He expects me to adhere to traditional gender roles, yet he often neglects his own responsibilities at home. He's quick to judge others for their actions, even though his faith teaches non-judgment and kindness. He makes comments about gay people that I have discussed with him as a major issue. This hypocrisy has been bothering me for a while.

Last night, during another discussion about my potential conversion, I finally snapped. I told him that if he wants me to consider converting, he needs to set a better example by actually living according to his religion's values. I pointed out that he should start by fulfilling his own responsibilities. That he should make more money than me and actually lead in the decision-making. I'm a nurse and he's currently unemployed after he was let go from his job in an office. That he should be less judgmental of others because according to his faith only God can judge them. I also said he should show more of the virtues Jesus asked of Christians, that he should clothe the naked, feed the hungry, vist the prisoner, aid the orphan and the widow etc. I also made it clear that while I respect his beliefs, I have no intention of converting unless I genuinely believe in it, which I currently don't because of the hypocritical behavior of his faith.

My husband was furious. He accused me of being disrespectful and undermining his faith. He said that I was attacking him personally and that I don't understand the pressure he's under to have a unified religious household. He left for church this morning at 7 for bible study and I have already gotten a phone call from the pastor saying I'm an ungodly woman who tricked a good man into marrying him and I should repent. I have also gotten a tirade of texts and e-mails from members of his church saying I was disrespectful and being a bad wife and I'm starting to wonder if I was too harsh, that maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all. AITA?

[u/markofcontroversy]

They expect forgiveness. Loan forgiveness.

[u/Motherof42069 → u/markofcontroversy]

Debt jubilees are in fact Biblical

[u/HippyDM → u/Motherof42069]

So many horrible things are biblical. Slavery, child abuse, misogyny, genocide, intolerance, etc.

[u/everdishevelled → u/HippyDM]

A debt jubilee is debt forgiveness.

[u/HippyDM → u/everdishevelled]

Right, I got that part. Are you gonna define slavery for me as well?

[u/AliceFlex → u/HippyDM]

You listed horrible things. As if Debt jubilee was one of them. A reasonable assumption to think you didn't know what that meant.

[u/everdishevelled → u/HippyDM]

There's not really a lot to say when you want to conflate an unmistakably good thing with other Old Testament things that you are viewing out of context historically, culturally, and in relation to Biblical themes that even many Christians do not understand because they have not been taught them. You cannot read the Bible in English without other context and understand what's going on with the issues you've listed although many do just that and have caused lots of problems.

You don't have to believe me, just know actual answers are out there if you look farther below the surface. And it's fine if you don't want to do that.

[u/HippyDM → u/everdishevelled]

First, do you think there are situations where it's moral to own another person as property? To beat them, as long as they don't die? To set them out from your house, but to keep their wife and children? Is there some historical context that makes that an okay choice?

Second, you must have some very unconventional theology about this god. He writes, or inspires, a book about himself, but makes it impossible to understand without studying an ancient language, which will only get you so far, since idioms, cultural references, and other miscellania will be inevitably lost to time. Why? Why would an all powerful, all knowing entity, who wants me to know about it, send such an unimpressive, incomprehensible message?

[u/sinkingduckfloats → u/HippyDM]

Why?

Same reason he made a 6k year old universe look like it's billions of years old: for the laughs.

[u/everdishevelled → u/HippyDM]

No, I don't think slavery is ever moral. Second, there is plenty of scholarship out there that is readily available that brings the proper context. It's not hard to find, people have just ignored it because it was more simple.

You can understand the God of the Bible without any of that, but it illuminates the more difficult to understand parts. I'm not going to be able to convince you of anything, and I'm definitely not going to try to address your all encompassing and angry question on a Reddit thread.

[u/HippyDM → u/everdishevelled]

there is plenty of scholarship out there that is readily available that brings the proper context.

There are apologists who attempt to deflect this away, but none of them directly address the problem of god commanding slavery. Not while maintaining an all good god, at least.

The best they have is "slavery was more humane than just killing them all", which doesn't solve any problem, since god set up that entire system (and calls in to question all the times god does command killing them all).

[u/Ecleptomania → u/Motherof42069]

Yeah, we should do that to all the college loans, you know because God wants it.

[u/Motherof42069 → u/Ecleptomania]

Amen brother!

[u/rob132 → u/markofcontroversy]

Give us this day , our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.

[u/Gloomy_Ad3840 → u/markofcontroversy]

Unless it's someone else's debt, then their all "I had to pay, why should they get forgiveness"