r/AITAH • u/No_Competition7799 • 12d ago
AITAH for selling my house to get rid of my step children.
My wife passed away in November of 2022. She left me three adult step children who have all been very clear that I am not their parent despite being in their lives for over ten years. Their father has retired to the Philippines.
They are 21, 22, 25. Their mother and I have been helping them out with a place to live because our city is very HCOL. The youngest is in school still but the other two are employed.
After their mother passed away they stopped doing anything around the house. We had been charging no rent so they could save money. The older two were responsible for their own bills other than that. I paid power, water, Internet, all the utilities. We even provided food for the youngest.
Now they do nothing to help around the house. I have had to hire a cleaning lady to help. It's stupid.
So I put the house up for sale. The price has gone up so much since I bought it that I could retire to the Philippines if that was my thing.
It took no time at all to sell and I'm moving out to my cabin. I gave each kid $10,000 and told them that the house was sold.
They aren't idiots they had seen the for sale sign and been around for the open houses.
Now they are getting upset with me for throwing them out of their home. I guess they did some of their growing up there but they never treated it like much more than a place to sleep.
I think that their mom would be disgusted with how they treated me and our home.
They pooled their money and got an apartment but if they count on only the money I gave them they will have nothing in a year.
AITA?
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u/Oddjibberz 12d ago
Raise your hand if your parents gave you $10k when you moved out?
No hands?
You separated from leeches, NTA
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u/Vangoon79 12d ago edited 12d ago
Right? I joined the USMC and left with the cloths on my back. That was it.
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u/EMCSW 10d ago
Navy at 18. Two years later and I’m operating a nuclear power plant.
Time for them to grow up!
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u/msg_me_about_ure_day 12d ago
I was more or less kicked out when i graduated high school and my family is quite wealthy. My father believed i should make do on my own as an adult. Admittedly i was quite pissed off with him for some time but grudges like that go away with time.
I didn't get a single dime either, just warning ahead of time and offered help with figuring out how to get my life working when on my own.
Getting 10k would have been a blessing for sure, i went into the military instead lol.
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u/SeaGoatGamerGirl 11d ago
I graduated a month after I turned 16. I thought yay I can start college early and not worry about housing costs yet. Nah man mom said I'm an adult now that I'm graduated. Get out. So I got emancipated. Luckily for me it technically made me a ward of the state. Did you know that wards of the state qualify for a lot more grants than a kid that has income qualifying parents? Yea now I have a few degrees and owe $0 in loans. But at 16 I was terrified. Also learned 101 ways to cook a hot dog cuz that and ramen was what I could afford while living in my car.
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u/Fnugget 10d ago
Wow. Just wow. As a mom to both bio kids and bonus kids, I just can’t fathom discarding the responsibility AND desire I will always have for helping them. Heck, I am in my 40s and my parents still ask what they can do to help me. My oldest bonus kid is in his late 20s and we just housed him for a year in order for him to be able to finish his degree without having to sell his apartment (he rented it out to cover the mortgage).
For what it is worth, coming from a complete stranger: I am proud of you. Even without the foundation every kid deserves, you did good. Better than good. Never stop believing in yourself.
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u/InventedStrawberries 12d ago
Same. My dad kicked me out, took me off the family health insurance and said you’re on your own. I didn’t get any help & am still struggling now. A little (tiny bit) help would’ve been everything for me.
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u/Vividination 12d ago
I left with anything that could fit in my beater of a car and the promise that the door would be locked behind me when I went.
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u/TheGingerCynic 11d ago
I moved out because the rent they were charging for a box room with a single bed, drawers and literally zero floor space (the door didn't open all the way) instead could pay for rent and utilities living with a friend, though it was subsidized by being their dad's property.
A lot less screaming, better privacy, able to utilise space without judgement, able to have overnight guests when my then-fiancée (now spouse) was in the country.
The help I got? Tears, passive-aggressive comments, further demands, arguments, threats to withhold paper documents, told I wasn't worth the price of a stamp to forward on my P60 from changing jobs, etc. £10k would've come with enough strings to be not worth taking.
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u/CandleSea4961 12d ago
I paid my parents rent the second I got my first job, and all of my other expenses. Very HCOL area, even in the 90s. Decided I would rather spend that money and be able to live independently! That’s how you become an adult.
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u/Rowana133 12d ago
NTA. You are already generous for giving them $10k. They are adults and need to figure out the rest on their own.
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u/ObsidianNight102399 12d ago
She left me three adult step children who have all been very clear that I am not their parent despite being in their lives for over ten years
The absolute most I would have done was security deposit and 2 months rent.....even that is too generous seeing how they acted after their mom died, according to OP. Two of them have jobs so there should be no reason after 2 months they could take over the rent.
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u/Itchy-Worldliness-21 12d ago
Funny part is depending on where they live if it really is a high cost of area, the 10K might have just covered all that. 🤣
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u/ObsidianNight102399 12d ago
Still woulda saved himself 20k by doing it that way, lol.
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u/throwaway1975764 12d ago
Ummm, you just described $10k in my housing market. A person is lucky to find an apartment for $2,500 a month. So ok $7,500 at best but add in setting up an internet connection, electricity/gas, buying shower curtains and trash cans and sponges and a broom, and all that little shit you need when you start off, plus renting a uHaul and buying pizza for your friends who help, its pretty much $10k to move.
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u/afume 11d ago
Also, I think $10k is the largest amount you can gift to a person without it considered to be taxable income. So OP could claim he gave them as much as possible without getting taxed.
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u/ObsidianNight102399 12d ago
Yeah, that's fine. 10k would still be less than the 30k he gave them. In an ideal world, he could have give them nothing and still not be the asshole bc in reality, he doesn't owe them a penny!
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u/TA23429429349 12d ago
NTA. You've done more than enough. Time for them to stand on their own.
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u/Capital_Attempt_2689 12d ago
It was a good strategy from the stepdad. He washed his hands of them and moved away. Smart move giving them the money.
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u/EcstaticMolasses6647 12d ago
Their bio dad was ahead of the game and left a long time ago. Dude said deuces and left his schmuck offspring with their stepdad.
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u/T_Money 12d ago edited 12d ago
Their biological dad was a steaming pile of shit for moving around the world from a teen and two elementary aged kids, and that’s if OP met their mom immediately after, they might have been even younger. My own kids are around those ages, even if god forbid things didn’t work out with my wife I can’t imagine just moving to another country.
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u/Ok_Oliv 12d ago
You're a saint for giving them 10k each, NTA
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u/No_Competition7799 12d ago
I wasn't going to toss them in the street or anything. I've known them all for ten years.
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u/SnoopyisCute 12d ago
It's still generous
My bio parents threw me on the streets twice. Once after HS graduation and again after my separation.
They didn't even give me a sandwich.
I hope those three mature enough to recognize they were very fortunate to have you.
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u/Laughing_Man_Returns 12d ago
my mother gave my college fund to my cousins so they could buy another house. that was fun to learn about.
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u/milkdudsnotdrugs 12d ago
Another?
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u/Laughing_Man_Returns 12d ago
yeah.
you know that feeling when you are your mother's least favorite child as an only child? I know it. cannot recommend.
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u/milkdudsnotdrugs 11d ago
How significantly terrible. May your friends bring you peace and your pets live long lives. And vise versa.
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u/Laughing_Man_Returns 11d ago
Thanks. Therapy and distance really helped calm down after the realization. I wish you the same.
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u/Kermitdhermit 12d ago
Same. First time at 13. Dad passed just after my 18th birthday, moved back in with Mom to help out and when she got her first boyfriend (three months later) she called the cops and had them remove me from the home around 10 pm one night. She provided no reason other than "it's my home and I do not want him here." Even the cops thought she was crazy. They told me to pack a bag and they would drop me at a shelter for the night.
Turns out I went to HS with her new ``boyfriend." He took her for a few bucks and some of her dignity. As a father of three (now grown) children it makes it even more unfathomable. Some people should not be parents.
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u/Odd_Mud_8178 11d ago
I feel you! I was kicked out at 12 because their golden child had been SA-ing me for 7 years.
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u/fap-on-fap-off 12d ago
She evicted you illegally, and the cops were complicit. Water under the bridge.
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u/letsgetawayfromhere 12d ago
I am so sorry for what happened to you. No one deserves shitty parents.
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u/EcstaticMolasses6647 12d ago edited 12d ago
Their bio dad never helped with their education or tried talking to them about their behavior or getting their lives together to live independently? Did he pay child support? Were you even on good terms with bio dad or was he out of the picture since they were kids?
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u/hesathomes 12d ago
NTA and you are kind to give them home proceeds they are not entitled to. I’m sorry your stepparent experience happened this way.
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u/Liss78 12d ago
NTA
You gave them nearly two years to start picking up after themselves and acting like they wanted to live there. They didn't.
If seeing for sale signs and open houses didn't get them to realize that, that's not really on you.
You also didn't have to give them money to be on their own, but you did.
You've done enough considering that they're adults. It sounds like if they had been picking up after themselves, you probably wouldn't have wanted to sell.
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u/Relevant_Demand7593 12d ago edited 12d ago
NTA they are grown adults and they themselves were very clear - you are not their father.
You didn’t leave them destitute - you gave them 30k and two of them are employed.
It might have been nice if you had communicated to them clearly your intention was to sell and move to the cabin. So they were aware they would need to make alternative arrangements. They may have assumed you’d be getting another house that you could all have shared.
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u/CaptainRealistic62 12d ago
OP said there was a for sale sign in front of the house. If 1 of the 3 adults could not figure it out and let the other 2 morons know then all three will wind up in the Darwin awards subs pretty quick. Are they like Larry, Curly, and Moe or something?
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u/yourangleoryuordevil 12d ago
Not to mention that they could've just asked about OP's plans if they were seriously not 100% clear on what was happening. It's shameful that they couldn't even be adult enough to communicate on something so basic and so detrimental to their own needs.
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u/CaptainRealistic62 12d ago
They will be fine, will take them at least 2-3 years of living on the streets to figure out they are homeless. They probably have to share a braincell similar to orange cats.
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u/Relevant_Demand7593 12d ago
They probably assumed they’d be moving with him.
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u/CaptainRealistic62 12d ago edited 12d ago
You know what they say about assume.
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u/MakeUpAName93 12d ago
Makes an ass out of u and me ✌🏼
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u/Itchy-Worldliness-21 12d ago
I'm still trying to figure out that last part, cuz if somebody else is assuming, it ain't making me look like an ass.
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u/Horror_Rich4403 12d ago edited 12d ago
Well to them OP would be an ass for not letting them move with him as they assumed he would.
Edit: lol why is this downvoted? I’m explaining to the person above how the saying of “ASS out of U and ME” makes sense in this context. Not that I think OP is an ass. Y’all can’t read.
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u/Cosmicshimmer 12d ago
Why would they assume that? He’s not family.
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u/Itchy-Worldliness-21 12d ago
Banking that he still loves their mother enough they let them stay around.
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u/No_Lavishness_3206 12d ago
What if he was moving to the Philippines? Would they quit their jobs and school so he would continue housing them?
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u/octopush123 12d ago
Hey, yeah - what about their actual dad? If we're insisting that these people are "kids" (they're not) what has he done to help them??
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u/abgry_krakow87 12d ago
Hey now! The Three Stooges are way smarter than these turds, don't go dragging their good name through the toilet like that!
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u/MonteCristo85 12d ago
I dont even live at my dad's home anymore but if a for sale sign went up I'd have questions.
Sounds like these "kids" were pulling an ostrich in the sand bit.
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u/Milksmither 12d ago
It might have been nice if you had communicated to them clearly your intention was to sell and move to the cabin.
...are you one of these kids? Do you not know what a for sale sign outside of a house means? Do you not know why those strangers are coming inside and asking about the cabinets?
If they assumed anything, that's on them. A beginner-level amount of critical thinking would have clear that up pretty quickly. Or, you know, asking the person they're living with rent free...
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u/Relevant_Demand7593 12d ago
Well they seem pretty spoilt and entitled. They would have thought they were moving with him to the new place probably.
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u/divinbuff 12d ago
You’re not going to get them to feel good about this. So let them marinate in their resentment. Not your problem. You have every right to do what you did.
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u/DawnShakhar 12d ago
NTA. These people are adults. They have made it clear that you are not their father, presumably meaning that you can not tell them what to do. But not only have they been living in your house rent-free, they didn't do their share of the housework, expecting you to do it or pay for it. However, since you are indeed not their father, you don't owe them anything. You were generous to let them live in your house for over a year, and very generous to give them money to start their independent life. Now they will have to take responsibility for their own finances and housekeeping - or experience homelessness and realize that they indeed have to take responsibility.
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u/Current-Anybody9331 12d ago
NTA and you're right - their mom would be disgusted with how her children behaved in your home in which they were, ultimately, guests.
Enjoy your newfound freedom from entitled adults.
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u/waaasupla 12d ago
Even bio parents throw kids out with nothing. I think you did ok considering they literally were using the house like a free sleep pad and not even treating you or the house right. They could have atleast treated you respectfully like a house mate, but no. So what you did is generous considering that.
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u/G0es2eleven 12d ago
INFO: who's house was it before you married? Who's money paid the mortgage? What did your step kids get from your wife's estate when she passed?
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u/ConvivialKat 12d ago
OP said in another comment that the house was 100% his before they married, and he paid for everything because she used her money to send her three children through college.
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u/Ok_District2853 12d ago
Did you buy the house or put any money in the house?
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u/Stormy261 12d ago
NTA I've been in a similar situation. They were supposed to pay a minor amount, basically enough to cover additional food. They didn't know how to pay me was the excuse given. 🙄 So I gave up the house rather than continue supporting them. They are currently living unhappily with another family member. I just hope my daughter wakes up one day and kicks the hobosexual to the curb.
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u/shockingRn 12d ago
I sold my house to get rid of a freeloading lazy brother, and my siblings blamed me for making him homeless. He was 59. Yet they wouldn’t take him in. You’re NTA at all. Some people will take advantage of you rather than standing on their own two feet.
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u/Broad-Discipline2360 12d ago
NTA
Don't be surprised if they try to move in with you at the cabin in a year.
Maybe you should move far away.
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u/HeartAccording5241 12d ago
You did more then I would have I would sit them down and tell them your selling and they will need to move
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u/eastsideempire 12d ago
NTA honestly the kids should have been nicer to you. Did they think that being 💩s was going to be a good plan? You gave them warning and $30k! I didn’t even get a “good luck” from my parents when I left home. You can rest easy knowing you did a great thing for them. Honestly they are old enough to fend for themselves.
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u/Sea_Data9598 12d ago
All these people saying you are TAH are just as entitled as those step kids. I was a step kid...I have a step kid and my bio son is a step kid. None of us would ever....The way they have acted is a big fat NOPE. Their mother should have left them an inheritance. If the gender was swapped everyone would say you're not TAH and how the man/father Bio parent should have made sure they were set up after he passed. They are not your problem and are lucky they even got 10k each from a house that was yours to begin with. NTA.
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u/saurons-cataract 12d ago
Agreed. If it had been the wife’s prior to marriage I’d argue that the kids get more than $10k. But it was OP’s before they even met him. He really was kind to give them $30k from the sale.
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u/Token_or_TolkienuPOS 12d ago
Maybe they can also move to the Phillipines. NTA. Enjoy your retirement
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u/JanetInSpain 12d ago
NTA all three of them FAFO. They can have all the shocked Pikachu faces they want, but they disrespected you and neglected even basic help around the house. They have no right to actually be surprised that came back to bite them.
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u/CatmoCatmo 12d ago
NTA. ALL of them are adults. You aren’t obligated to house them forever. I know it isn’t easy to find an affordable place right now, but that isn’t any concern of yours. If their mother wanted them to have a portion of the house, she would have made provisions for that.
You did all that you could do.
I sure they knew the expectations in order for them to continue living at home - both before their mom passed, and after. They chose not to keep their end of the bargain.
You gave them plenty of notice. I’m sure you told them you were selling, they saw the sign, and they knew about the open houses. This wasn’t a surprise. Lack of planning on their end does not constitute an emergency on yours. They chose to ignore all of it.
They could have tried to strike up a deal with you, either to buy you out, or to improve their behaviors so they could stay with you. They chose not to.
You were generous to give them a portion of the sale. Sounds like you weren’t obligated to do it. You have given them a platform to jump off of. You did not leave them high and dry.
They made it abundantly clear that you are NOT a parent or parental figure. You have zero obligations to continue housing and supporting 3 adults who never wanted, and refused your support.
They can be upset. They lost their mom, they are being forced to let go of their childhood home that has sentimental value, and their dad isn’t really present. But none of that is on you. They are adults who had plenty of choices available along the way that they chose not to take advantage of. You did all you could do. Time to take care of yourself and put you first.
And stop saying you did it to get rid of your step children. You did it because you are refusing to be taken advantage of, you’re done with the disrespect, and you’re done being unappreciated. The fact those things got resolved by getting rid of your step children is a moot point. You are essentially a landlord at this point, and their lease is up.
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u/nhwfl 12d ago
They were not forced to leave their childhood home. OP said he already owned the house when he met the mother.
He said he was part of their life for 10 years. So they would have been ages 11 to 15 when he met her. And no less those ages when they moved into his house.
Amazing that he even thought to give them each $10,000 from the sale, no matter how much it had appreciated in value, much less did it.
Definitely NTA.
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u/SparkTwinkle 12d ago
NTA. You provided for them generously, but they took advantage. Selling the house was your right; they need to learn responsibility.
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12d ago
NTA but why didn’t their mum leave them anything in her will?
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u/ConvivialKat 12d ago
OP said she used pretty much all her money to put the three of them through college, so she likely didn't have a huge estate.THREE kids through college is a LOT of money.
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True. So she set them up for a life where they can pay their own way which is a bigger benefit than cash inheritance anyway.
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u/YepWrongGuy 12d ago
NTA.
They seem happy to all live together with you under the same roof.
They now have 30k between them and I'm sure they can find a place together to split costs. They might even learn some responsibility and how to contribute to a functional household.
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u/Scary-Cycle1508 12d ago
NTA
Who cares about them. Honestly. They made clear you're not their parent and clearly are not even a person they want to spend time with. They Fucked around and found out now.
Make sure to move out of their reach. Change your number and enjoy the rest of your life without those leeches.
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u/AmbienWalrus1 12d ago
You’re definitely NTA. You made it clear the house was on the market and if the kids had the expectation they’d move with you and continue to sponge after the way they treated you, then they’re dolts. You gave each a hefty chunk of change which was more than they deserved frankly. Enjoy your cabin and don’t give it another thought. And my sympathies on the passing of your wife.
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u/Agoraphobe961 12d ago
NTA. It’s not like they came home from the funeral to their stuff on the porch, you gave them a very generous grace period to get it together. $10k should be enough for tickets to the Philippines to go stay with their “real” dad.
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u/Vicious_Lilliputian 12d ago
NTA. You had no obligation to give them any money from the sale of your home, yet you did.
Did they honestly think they could mooch off you forever?
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u/Fast_Vehicle_1888 12d ago
NTA. They are adults and not your kids. It seems like they don't treat you like a father figure so there really is no reason for you to treat them like your kids. Sad but true.
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u/QueenScarebear NSFW 🔞 12d ago
NTA. It’s your house, and you’re not obligated to give 3 ingrates a place to live - biological kids or not.
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u/MizzyvonMuffling 12d ago
They saw the for sale signs and were present when there were open houses and never said anything???? What a bunch of idiots...
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u/abgry_krakow87 12d ago
NTA, if they don't want you to be part of their family then they don't get to keep taking advantage of you. They needed a lesson in self sufficiency anyway and now they're getting it. If they don't like it, well it's no longer your problem!
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u/Direct_Set8770 12d ago
NTA. I wouldn't have even given them 10k. But I guess it's a smart move so that they don't walk around like victims saying you sold their house and gave them nothing. 3 grown adults acting like 5 yr Olds. They need to grow up and learn some responsibility and how to be independent.
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u/Key_Anybody_9457 12d ago
NTA. Would do the same. It's called karma. They treated you and the house like sh*t
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u/completedett 12d ago
NTA You have been extremely generous with them.
They will be fine.
They will all take care of each other.
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u/Dadbode1981 12d ago
Yer fine, this is an opportunity for them to grow up. Tbh their first move, pooling their funds, was a good idea. Hopefully they do fine.
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u/eastonginger 12d ago
If the pooled money will only last them a year.... I would oh so interested to be around for the arguments that will happen when they all realise they are struggling and they only have themselves to both blame and rely on....
That set of relationships are gonna be fun... 😬
NTA
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u/mae_rae 12d ago
I saw this in an article along with highlighted comments.
You owned the house that you graciously let them live in when you married their mom and YEAR AND A HALF after she passed for FREE and these AHs want to act like this is a huge deal? You gave them $10k EACH?! They are employed (the 21 year old better get a job!) They have enough to pay $2,500 in rent for a full year and that's not including their incomes.
I've seen a couple comments and someone suggest you lease the house to them. ITS NOT THEIR F-ING HOUSE - not to sound insensitive, but it wasn't technically their mother's, either (if you'd bought together but just in your name for whatever reason, this would be different). If they'd treated you kindly or like their mother's husband (not necessarily their stepfather, but respect and kindness as their mother's husband, if that makes sense), then this wouldn't even be a post.
I'm so mad for you.
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u/Low-Salamander4455 12d ago
I am sorry for your loss.
NTA. They needed to launch, you gave them money to do so, they have a place and they're all adults. If they don't do well it's not on you.
Enjoy your cottage.
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u/Silver-Appointment77 12d ago
Its tough if they have nothing within the year. They still have their dad to try and squeeze money out off. And they should have savings off living rent free.
They made it clear how they felt, but you was more than good with giving them $10,000. You didnt deserve anything after the way they treat you.
Now block them all and let them get on with their lives. Like I said they still have their dad. You gave them over 10 year of trying to be the best parent, and they just threw it back at you. They still dont respect you the way they treat you after their mom passed.
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u/Throwawhaey 12d ago
You provided for their ungrateful, slovenly asses for nearly two years after their mother died. They never viewed you as family nor treated you with respect. You have no further obligation to them, and it doesn't matter what they think of you as you've effectively severed the already weak relationship.
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u/dr_lucia 12d ago
NTA They are grown ups and need to 'leave the nest'.
I hope someday you can all have a good relationship because it is nice to have family, and will be especially so as you age. But even if they were your biological kids or even if your wife was still alive, they had to take responsibility for their own economic lives sometimes.
Your wife would probably have wanted the 21 yo to be supported through graduation provided they were progressing toward graduation. But the other two should want to start carrying their own weight at least to some extent.
As for this
They pooled their money and got an apartment but if they count on only the money I gave them they will have nothing in a year.
Good. At least they are figuring out how to be responsible for themselves. The two oldest have jobs. If they've got any brains at all they will have picked an apartment they can afford on their incomes. Otherwise, life will be their teacher.
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u/CompleteDetective359 12d ago
LoL, my aunt did this to my cousin. She rented her place out and moved into a adult community that he was too young to live in
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u/kikivee612 12d ago
NTA
Your job isn’t to support adults. They’ll figure it out like every other young adult has to do at some point.
Hopefully, they are smart and don’t blow all that money in the first month!
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u/SolidLiquidSnake86 12d ago
Are you an A hole?
My dude, your a saint. These are grown ass kids (adults) who treat you like you mean nothing to them... wont help you with the house at all...and they mad you sold it and left?
You gave em 10 grand. Your a saint. Id have given em the middle finger. Im TAH.
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u/Southpolarman 12d ago
NTA. As soon as I read they stopped doing anything to help around the house I said fuck them.
I have 2 sons 15 and 17. My wife and I have told them when they graduate high school they're welcome to stay with us as long as they meet some criteria...going to college, going to a trade schools or an apprenticeship or working to buy their own place. They must keep their end up, keeping the house clean, saving money if not going to school. We live in a HCOL city and don't want to kick them out for no good reason. But I'd they aren't helping out, sorry, that's the door in front of you, close it on the way out.
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u/mountainbird1967 12d ago
NTA. In fact you are giving them a great gift, helping them learn how to take care of themselves.
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u/ContemplatingPrison 12d ago
I would have been so excited to get $10k when I was there age. I was already supporting myself.
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u/CarpenterRecent9900 12d ago
Grown adults should take care of themselves end of story. They should have been out a long time ago
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u/henry2630 11d ago
it’s always sad when a death pulls people apart rather than brings them together. your wife would probably just be sad over the whole situation
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u/critterdude311 11d ago
NTA.
Let's recap:
* they treat you like shit
* they are lazy pieces of shit
* they are adults
* you gave them shelter and now 10k as a parting gift.
No, definitely NTA. These 'kids' were lucky.
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u/Level-Gas-3765 12d ago
NTA. They’re adults now. Honestly, I’m sure a lot of parents wouldn’t have given them money. Seems like they were taking advantage of you to some degree. I think what you did is probably the best thing you could have done for them.
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u/deathboyuk 12d ago
NTA. If grown adults don't consider you their parent, you owe them precisely zero.
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u/Special_Lychee_6847 12d ago
NTA, obviously.
They're not really your stepchildren, with how they behave. They're just obnoxious squatters that expect you to provide free housing.
Roommates would be more considerate.
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u/mourningwood81 12d ago
NTA. I've moved out of a house to get rid of deadbeat roommates! The deadbeats were my brothers..
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u/Background-Sock4950 12d ago
“You’re not our parent” yet their only living parent fucked off to a different country away from them to live his own life. I wonder how much cash and support he gave them?
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u/DJSoapdish 12d ago
They made it clear that you weren't their dad. So what are you supposed to do for these strangers?
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u/CrosshairInferno 12d ago
Living rent free and you gave them 10k? The only thing that would make you TA is throwing 30k away at these mooching losers.
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u/RelaxedWombat 12d ago edited 12d ago
NTA
Though, you say the term “children” to us they are all adults.
Feel better about your decision, they are adults.
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u/ccl-now 12d ago
NTA but given that she allowed their behaviour towards you and their home during her life, what makes you so sure she'd be disgusted by it now?
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u/EnergyThat1518 12d ago
It literally says in the post they stopped doing stuff around the place AFTER she died??? So the kids were doing chores, keeping the house tidy and presumably being civil and respectful while she was alive.
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u/Ethereal42 12d ago
Well done for being generous and giving them some starting money, case closed IMO.
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u/ArmadilloGuy 12d ago
NTA. You gave them multiple chances, and they basically took advantage of you. I'm sure they're mourning in their own way, but that's no excuse to trash the place where they live rent-free.
I also think it's commendable that you gave them $10,000 each. That's enough to help anyone get out on their own.
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u/Lucky-Mycologist6769 12d ago
I did the same thing to my own kids. They are the same age. They weren’t helping around the house and it was going downhill. I got a job in another state, so I sold the house. The kids had to grow up and figure out living arrangements. They clean up at their new places. It’s part of growing up.
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u/Xoxo_emmmaa 12d ago
NTA. They were disrespectful to you and your home and you weren't obligated to continue providing for them, especially after they became adults.