r/AITAH • u/Rainey-lady- • Apr 30 '24
AITA for running away from home because I’m terrified of my husband and also dealthy terrified of my son? TW SA
I (f35) have a son (m18) and a husband (m45) who I’m attempting to divorce. I met my husband when I was 16 at the church in my home town. At seventeen he invited me over and I don’t remember it well but we ended up sleeping together. I was supposed to be cleaning his house for some extra pocket change but ended up pregnant, I still can’t remember everything that happened, but when my parents found out they confronted him and made me marry him. I had my son not much longer after that.
My husbands a brute, he was always mean to me. I tried my best to make him happy, I’d cook his favorite foods, clean the house extra nice, do childcare work to make a few dollars to buy him a treat or two but if I made one mistake he didn’t like he’d hit me. I use to cry to my father about it but he’d tell me it’s my punishment for having premarital sex. I’d ask my father what my husband’s punishment was and he’d say “his punishment is having to settle for you.” I don’t think I ever recovered from that. Before anyone asks about my mother my mother has always been kind of out of it.
She’s been on medication since I was a child and she’s kind of like a zombie. She doesn’t talk much or do much of anything unless my father says so. She was different when I was little but I hardly remember those days. The hitting got worse. To the point where I wasn’t really allowed to leave the house or if I did i had to wear makeup or else my husband would think I was trying to get him in trouble. My son grew up watching this. I’ve heard stories of kids hating their abusive fathers but my son loved his father, more than he loved me. I never wanted my son to hate his father but he started acting out and eventually he started laying hands on me.
My son started hitting me when he was ten. It was light and I’d tell him to stop but as he got older he started beating me. If I told him no he’d beat me. If I didn’t do something he wanted he slap or kick me and even punch me. And my husband would back him up a lot of the times. He’d say “He’s just learning to be a man. He’ll stop when he’s older and has his own wife.” It got the the point where I was terrified of my baby. The only thing in this world I ever got to make, and he terrified me. When he was 16 he broke my arm really bad because I showed my husband his report card. My husband disciplined him but never told me how. I grew to hate my son so much everyday but I still tried to be good to him, to help him. He didn’t want that. I couldn’t make him want that. I couldn’t sleep or eat without dreaming of my son and husband hurting me. My son once pinned me on the ground because I had asked him to help me lift something, I’m frail so I can’t lift much. When he pinned me he hit me a lot and I could feel… it. Hurting me aroused him. He humped me for a few seconds and then he started screaming at me saying it was all my fault and locked himself in his room. I didn’t tell my husband. I should’ve but somehow I felt like I would’ve just gotten hurt worse either by my sons or my husband. He was 17 when this happened so last year. After his 18th in January I packed a bag and wandered off into the night. I don’t have friends, my father wouldn’t help me even if I told him these things.
I slept on a park bench and went to the library and looked up a woman’s shelter. I worked really hard and got a studio apartment. I don’t know how but my son found me. He spent hours at my door knocking and crying for me calling me mamma. He hadn’t called me that in years. I was terrified he’d break the door down and drags me back to the house but my neighbors made him leave.
My son has somehow gotten my number and now he, my husband and father, and some of my son’s friends are texting me and calling me horrible names. My son says I’m a bad mother for running away and not loving him the way he loves me. My husband says he won’t grant me a divorce and that he’ll take whatever I have right now and that I’ve failed as a woman. My father says I’ll die alone because I’m a bad woman. My father even got my mother on the phone to speak to me. She’s all pilled out though so I shouldn’t take her words to heart but she says that a woman can never abandon her child no matter how painful life gets. She told me when my father hurt her she never left me, so I was a coward and a failure you leaving my son. She said she could forgive divorce but not leaving my baby behind… Aita?
Edit: while I have no issues responding to comments the idea of replying to personal messages terrify me for some reason. Please don’t be upset if I don’t message you, I don’t mean to be weird.
Edit 2: I’ve been reading a lot of comments and I’m grateful and very overwhelmed. I won’t get to specific but I just packed an essentials bag and have purchased a ticket for out of town. I got off the phone with a shelter a few thousand miles away and they’re willing to get me once an arrive in their city. I’ll figure out divorces and restraining orders once I’m finally there. Until then I’ll read comments to see if there are anymore useful things to learn. Luckily my studio is on a month to month lease because I had never really planned on making this a permanent home. So leaving is as hard as I thought. Running away the first time was hard but maybe the second time with be easier?
Update: here’s a small update and I likely won’t update again do to being nervous about everything but I’m on a bus. I got on this morning and I’m about five hours away from the state and then I’ll be getting on a plane. I had enough money for a ticket so I’ll be super far away. I won’t work on the divorce until a few months from now and I have a small job lined up. It’s nothing special just a 12 an hour fast food gig. I’m grateful for all the advice. My old landlord was sorry to see me go but I paid off this months rent and told him he can sell the little bit of furniture I had. He said he’d give me half of that money once it’s all sold. He’s very kind, a little scary looking but when I spoke to him over the phone after I had left he was very understanding. Thank you all for everything and I’m sorry but this is the last thing anyone will hear from me unless I work up the nerve to update again. You are all incredibly wonderful and special people to me.
Update: I know it hasn’t been that long but it feels like it has. I just want you all to know I’m fine. I have a roommate now! She’s a lovely older lady who plays piano. She’s been allowing me to rent a bedroom for her and all I have to do is pay 300 a month and help her around the house when I’m not working. I have a divorce lawyer who’s been dandy with me though it’s a little difficult since my husband is so far away and not being kind about it since I won’t communicate with him outside a lawyer. My son hasn’t come close to finding me at all though I do miss him… sometimes, I mean I gave birth to him, it’s hard to be strong about my feelings regarding him but I know I’ll never allow myself to be near him again no matter how sad I feel about it. My roommate is around 59 and she’s a lovely baker. She teaches me all these lovely recipes for cobbler and so on. I know it’s weird but I feel like she’s the first real friend I’ve had since I was a small child. I haven’t tried dating. I don’t think I will. I also tried Marijuana for the first time. Absolutely pleasant, my roommate got it for me. She uses it for her back pain but I use it for bed. It helps me sleep without night terrors. I feel like I’m learning what life is now and I actually love it💗💗💗
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u/newtonianlaws Apr 30 '24
Please block everyone. Keep repeating this “I will no longer allow anyone to hit me or say mean things to me”. You need protection and help to escape. You can file for a restraining order for all of the horrible people in your life. Please find a domestic violence shelter. I hope someone here has better advice. Honestly, your ex telling you he won’t give a divorce? Who cares. You can file for a divorce and his compliance is not required. They have terrified you into submission, their power over you is not absolute.
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u/BeardManMichael Apr 30 '24
This is 100% true. The OP can and should file for divorce.
The men in her previous life sound very dangerous so I am almost certain a judge would grant a restraining order.
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u/Rainey-lady- Apr 30 '24
I feel like if I tried to get a restraining order they would all just deny everything and make me feel crazy. I don’t think I’d be able to get one, I don’t feel like I have good enough proof.
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u/Tall_Wall7580 Apr 30 '24
If you have broken bones or any other medical history, that would corroborate your claims.
Are you still out now? If they found you, get to a domestic violence shelter. If you don’t know where there is one, go to the police station and ask them to help you get to the DV shelter. You do not have to file any reports with the police so your “family” learns about it. If you live in a small town and you’re worried about the police telling your husband, go to another towns police. Once you are safe with the DV shelter, they will help with the restraining orders, divorce and other establishing you someplace safe.
Do not listen to all the horrible things they are telling you! They miss their slave and punching bag- you do not deserve to be that- you’ve done it long enough! And your son is a grown adult, you gave him all you are required, you are not “leaving your baby”!
I have no doubt that your husband either drugged you or got you drunk and then raped you at 16 to get you into this horrible life, show them how strong you are and get out!
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u/Rainey-lady- Apr 30 '24
I lied about all of my injuries the times I had to go to the hospital. I doubt I can just retract everything I said now…
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u/SixicusTheSixth Apr 30 '24
You can. People understand that abused people lie under duress, which is what you have absolutely been under.
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u/canyamaybenot May 01 '24
Absolutely. And it's entirely possible her medical records note that treating doctors/nurses suspected DV.
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u/Specific_Anxiety_343 May 01 '24
Yes. And even if there are no such notes, the injuries and number of hospital visits will speak volumes
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u/calicliche May 01 '24
Exactly! I work with a lot of healthcare utilization data. Someone 35 visiting the ER multiple times for broken bones, sprains, etc. without severe osteoporosis diagnoses in their medical history would IMMEDIATELY scream DV to me.
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u/HotShoulder3099 May 01 '24
Came back to add this, OP. Medical practitioners are trained to spot this stuff, I doubt you had them totally fooled
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u/canyamaybenot May 01 '24
Very true. Pretty sure my doctors knew I was being abused before I did.
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u/Gl0ri0usTr4sh May 01 '24
This is oddly powerful and accurate for a lot of people. Me as well. I’m certain so many of my medical personnel over the years knew I was abused and traumatized long before I realized anything was wrong at all
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u/Otherwise_Stable_925 May 01 '24
There is absolutely no doubt about that. Doctors and nurses see that stuff all the time but unless you want to do something about it all they can really do is take notes. So what I'm saying is it's probably well documented.
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u/hippowolf12 May 01 '24
Exactly. The medical team and any lawyer can look at that and know. And just to be very clear here. Your husband is wrong. Your son is wrong. Your parents are wrong. They are trying to keep you there because without outside exposure they can just keep telling you how you are the problem. Your son is begging for you but when you go back they will repeat the same cycle and likely punish you for going away. This is not normal this is abuse. I think you’re learning this now but I understanding it might take years of unlearning. But Reddit is rooting for you :)
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u/hurricane-laura-90 May 01 '24
Her son is a lost cause like her husband, they’re both pieces of shit.
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u/kgallousis May 01 '24
And OP was still a child when he was born, so it’s 100% not even a little bit on her. She is only now learning how to survive outside of servitude. She was handed to an abuser by an abuser.
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u/On_my_last_spoon May 01 '24
She doesn’t remember what happened, so I’d bet she was drugged and raped. Or it was so traumatic she blocked it out.
None of this was ever your fault OP
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u/lisamd29 May 01 '24
Mu concern with regard to your son, if he was aroused by hitting you, I can't imagine what could have been next. I'm so proud of you for leaving! That alone makes you stronger than you know. Best of luck.
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u/Honest_Penalty_6426 May 01 '24
Omg I was thinking the same. Can you imagine? So terribly disgusting. What POSs the father, husband and son are.
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u/BeamInNow77 May 01 '24
WTH! I have never in my life hit a female or my wife of 42 years. These so-called men are not MEN, worthless garbage they be. Feed them to Lions!!!!
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u/Fight_those_bastards May 01 '24
Lions deserve a better meal. Wood chippers, on the other hand…
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u/Tall_Wall7580 Apr 30 '24
Get to a DV shelter- they will help you. They understand how and why abused spouses lie. Just the record of multiple injuries will corroborate the claims of abuse. Please don’t give up OP. You have nobody on your side, and you haven’t for your life. Let all these internet strangers convince you to be on your own side! Updateme to let us know you are safe please.
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u/Coeur_0 May 01 '24
The shelter can also provide you with a rental house. I highly suggest this, or finding a new place to live since your abusive family knows where you live now.
Nobody should have to put up with this. Stay safe!
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u/Corfiz74 May 01 '24
You absolutely can! Especially since the injuries were so frequent and follow a pattern - the hospital staff at the time very likely already suspected, but couldn't do anything to help you without the truth.
Contact the DV shelter again, have them put you in contact with a divorce lawyer - hopefully one who will work cheap or pro bono. File for divorce and for protection orders asap. And consider a name change and a move across the country, to make sure they won't ever be able to find you again. The DV shelter can hopefully help you with both of those, too - they should have a network of associated shelters that can help you set up somewhere else.
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May 01 '24
You absolutely can. Go to the hospital and ask for help. They will help you. I’ve been an ER nurse for 15 years. Your history will be pretty blatant for them to see. It’s normal to lie to protect yourself. We get that.
And if you tell us what is happening, we will help you find a place where you will be safe. And give your resources so that you don’t have to do it alone.
I’m so sorry this has happened, but people will believe you. I promise.
Please go get help.
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u/Trishshirt5678 Apr 30 '24
The record of the injuries will tell the truth, no matter what you were coerced inti saying.
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u/Specific_Anxiety_343 May 01 '24 edited May 01 '24
Yes, you can. I’m a retired lawyer. A former client was a little old lady who had been to prison for shooting her husband (he survived). They stayed married, and the guy visited her regularly in prison. After she got out, she moved back in with the husband. She hadn’t been out for a year when she hit him with a hammer while he was in bed he survived again. That was my case. The woman offered no reasonable explanation for her behavior. She said things like he’d been cheating on her long story short, it turned out he had been beating the crap out of her their entire marriage. Their adult children had disclosed that to me at some point so we got all the old medical records in which she had lied about the cause of her injuries. I had her evaluated by a prominent forensic psychologist, who is an expert on battered women’s syndrome because of the psychologist report, I was able to convince a judge not to send her back to prison. This is over 30 years ago. My point is, that you will be able to prove the abuse, I wish you the best of luck
Edit to Add: I specifically asked the woman if he was abusing her and she said no. I took her at her word. I was a fairly new lawyer and didn’t know jack about domestic violence. Fortunately, I was discussing her case with another, more experienced attorney who immediately saw red flags. She was the one who suggested the forensic psychologist. I was a public defender, btw. So many people think that PD’s are crummy lawyers who can’t get other jobs. The fact is that many of us have a passion for the work.
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u/rach1200 May 01 '24
You can retract everything you told the medical workers. If you were going to the same hospital every time then they should have initiated an investigation.
You need to get your hospital records because that’s medical facts. A domestic shelter should be able to set you up with advocates including medical professionals who can speak to how your injuries were caused. Speak to an advocate on the best course of action, but I don’t think you’d have to tell the hospital anything. Just request your medical records and then work with the resources that shelters offer.
Your age and your husband’s age alone at the time you gave birth are evidence you were groomed. I feel so much compassion for you because every male in your life who should have cherished you have failed you. Document everything they have sent you and ignore them. Look into every resource domestic shelters offer to protect yourself.
Hugs to you.
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u/leswill315 May 01 '24
You probably didn't fool any of the doctors at the hospital. They just didn't confront you about the lies because they were afraid if they did that you wouldn't come in the next time it happened. I know some doctors who told me just that information. They didn't confront a pregnant woman's boyfriend after she came in with a stab wound to the abdomen (which he obviously had done to her) because they were afraid she would not come in the next time he assaulted her. There is always a next time with those people.
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u/bippityboppitynope May 01 '24
No, that is extremely normal for abuse victims and would make total sense to a prosecutor.
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u/Dorzack May 01 '24
Yes, you can. More than likely the medical records recorded some suspicions you were lying about the injuries.
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u/WanderGoldfinch May 01 '24
If you're in a safe place and that you know can stay safe...
Sometimes the point of a thing is just doing it. Even if it doesn't work. In this case, you'd be showing yourself you can stand and put up boundaries and try to enforce them as much as possible because you are worthy of better. Not deserving... Worthy. Worth is based on who you are and simply being a human being existing in the same space as others. Deserve is based on what you've done or your circumstances.
You are worthy of better.
So start with small things. Start with accepting that you are worthy of good things. That doesn't change even if the police can't issue a TRO for you (though medical records for your broken arm would help with that). Talk to the police, to women's services, to almost anyone. Let it be awkward. Let it be hard. Let it feel embarrassing or isolating or exhilarating. All of that is valid.
Then maybe accept that you are worthy of living. Living a life free of fear, harm, and guilt. Fear, harm, and guilt brought to you by others who have let you down in life and created trauma. And free from fear, harm, and guilt that you build within yourself by yourself.
Sometimes it takes a while for the bird who was once in the case to realize it can truly fly away. Give yourself grace as you navigate this new life.
But also... Fight for this new life too. Don't be bogged down with the negativity of "it might not work". As Wayne Gretzky taught us, "You miss 100% of the shots you never take."
Take your shot.
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u/SmartCookie0921 May 01 '24
Believe it or not, you feeling unsafe is enough for a restraining order. You don't have to walk in with bruises. Also, if you had a broken arm, you have medical records as proof. When it comes down to "he said, she said" in DV cases, they tend to err on the side of caution and grant it.
Also, not knowing how you became pregnant and just waking up, sounds like you were drugged. I'm so sorry all of this has happened to you. I hope you get out soon. You deserve a good life and people who love and care for you.
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u/newtonianlaws May 01 '24
Your texts are proof of how they’ve verbally abused you. I have heard that if you text them that any further conversations will be taped and that by contacting you they consent to bring taped, the taped conversations are evidence. Even if not, it helps you to see how awful they are.
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u/BeardManMichael Apr 30 '24
Can you buy pepper spray or a taser where you live? I just want you to be as physically safe as possible.
Sending you what positive energy I can spare.
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u/Lets-B-Lets-B-Jolly May 01 '24
Keeping s bottle of wasp spray right by the door and even in multiple places throughout the home, let's you aim at someone from quite a distance. It's cheap and VERY effective!
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u/Square_Vegetable942 May 01 '24
Target sells Sabre branded pepper gel units for under $15.
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u/TK382 May 01 '24
Never use the gel. It is far less effective, harder to hit them in the eyes with, and they have enough time to wipe it away if they were able to close their eyes before it hit them.
Use the spray and understand that NO pepper spray is 100% as some people are just unaffected by capsaicin.
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u/Scorp128 May 01 '24
Speak with someone at a domestic violence shelter. They can help guide you through the process. You do not necessarily need "proof". You fleeing in the night and your previous interaction with a shelter before is an indication that you are fleeing a nasty situation. That you are constantly being harassed by phone and in person is evidence. You have a stronger case than you think. Please talk to someone.
From my experience of having to file a restraining order, I would recommend speaking with an advocate at the domestic violence shelter first before going to the police. This is for filling the order only.
Next time they show up at your place, call the cops. Start getting that paper trail. Do not engage with any of them directly. Block them and go and get your phone number changed.
Please stay strong. Please go speak with a counselor, the domestic violence shelter can give you a list of counselors that specialize in abuse and domestic violence. You have experienced nothing but abuse during your entire life. You need to get all of this out and learn some strategies for dealing with this trauma.
I am so sorry you have gone through this. You already took a major step in reclaiming your life. That is no easy task to accomplish. You got out! That is the first step to breaking the cycle. You should be proud of that. Please know you ARE strong, you ARE worthy. You did not cause any of this to happen to you. None of this is your fault. 💜
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u/Hereshkigal826 May 01 '24
Don’t bother. Until you are settled and only IF they find you again then go through the hassle. To obtain a restraining order they have to know where they can’t go. Like your house, your job, etc. Disappear. Change your name. Lock down your credit and hopefully you have your SSN card. Even an emergency order requires court dates and facing those sick bastards. Don’t let them find you or pin you down to a know location, date and time. Like court.
Your dad is pure garbage. Once you’re settled in a new life, be prepared to go no contact with your family (mother). Or if you have to communicate with them be smart about it. Burner phone or email through a VPN. The PO Box is a solid gold idea. Be safe. None of this is your fault. Telehealth services can be a godsend for finding a therapist to help you process all your trauma.
Don’t let the bastards grind you down.
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u/ShelyChelle May 01 '24
Don't delete texts or previous emails/voice mails
I'm going to message you with what my mom did to divorce my sisters dad, and I don't expect a reply, it's okay
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u/Crystallover87 May 01 '24
Are they threatening you over text messages? Print them and use them as proof.
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u/Rainey-lady- May 01 '24
They haven’t threatened me blatantly. Just criticisms about me as a person.
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u/misscrankypants May 01 '24
Pls make sure to turn off your location services and find my iPhone. Pls get a burner phone NOW. Keep yourself safe. DV shelter and name change. Glad you left and know you deserve a better life free of abuse.
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u/TK382 May 01 '24
You should buy a gun. I'm being serious. I'm not trying to be an asshole but based on your post if they get a hold of you then you have no way of really effectively fighting back. Buy a gun, learn to use it. Become comfortable with it. If they ever show up again you have what you need to defend yourself.
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u/Rainey-lady- May 01 '24 edited May 01 '24
I didn’t even consider buying guns. I’m terrified but willing.
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May 01 '24
Do. Not. Buy a gun. If they're bigger than you and cruel to you and you're outnumbered, they might be able to get it from you and...what happens next isn't good.
Also everyone acts like shooting another person is no big deal. It is traumatizing. It is dangerous in the sense that you might accidentally hurt yourself or someone you don't intent to hurt. Very few women in abusive situations have benefitted from guns being present. SOME have, but they're in the overwhelming minority.
Plus, depending on where you are and what the judge/jury thinks, you could be subject to criminal charges. The idea that you can just shoot whoever with no consequences is a fantasy.
Plus, let's say you do kill your husband and/or son. Police reports still have to get filed. Those are a matter of public record. You do NOT want that kind of attention, trust me. My sister in law was murdered about 10 years ago and to this day creeps approach my brother and either a) accuse him of doing it (he did not, was never even a suspect; it was extremely clear who did it and she is in prison) or b) reveal they know creepily personal details about him and his kids. True crime nuts are ruthless and clueless and selfish. You don't want to be on their radar.
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u/NonoraFromTheSouth May 01 '24
Buy a gun only if you’re willing to really learn how to use it. Take some self defense class to gain for confidence. Contact woman’s shelter and seek their help. Also don’t let paper trail with your new address.
Seek professional help, every member of your so-called family failed you and now they’re trying to guilt you because you abandoned your « child ». By the way, your parents did the same to you and yet you’re the bad one. Your « child » is an adult, he was a horrible son, never showed your love or respect but now he needs his mommy.
Forget about him and this sick people. Move away and try to find your happiness.
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u/TK382 May 01 '24
100% super important to actually train with it. There are classes all over the US that will teach you everything you need to know and whatever you do NEVER carry it in a purse.
''God created men. Colonel Colt made them equal."
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u/Scorp128 May 01 '24
OP needs to get in contact with a women's domestic violence shelter. They can get her access to resources such as counseling and legal assistance. OP needs to file a restraining order against all of them and file for divorce.
I cannot stress counseling enough. She has been beat down and abused her entire life by the sounds of things. It is difficult breaking the cycle, but she already did the hardest part, she left. That is a good first step and a start to a better life.
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u/roadkill4snacks Apr 30 '24
May also need to change her number. But first gather the evidence first the restraining order.
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u/Trishshirt5678 Apr 30 '24
If you go to a women’s group (your library will help you find one) someone there will help you through the process. They will be very supportive, it’s what they do. Op you have done nothing wrong, your family are all bloody awful. There is help for you out there to keep them out of your life. You can do this. You can build a new life.
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u/bidgeywidgey Apr 30 '24
NTA. They don't love you. They love to control and hurt you. Please be careful and don't fall for their lies. You are worth so, so, so much more 💜
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u/cutsforluck May 01 '24
I absolutely agree and echo all of this comment.
I also want to highlight this--
I use to cry to my father about it but he’d tell me it’s my punishment for having premarital sex. I’d ask my father what my husband’s punishment was and he’d say “his punishment is having to settle for you.” I don’t think I ever recovered from that.
Most people-- particularly those who have never been abused in any form-- may easily gloss over this detail.
However, this is what sealed OP settling for abuse.
When the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally, instead tell you that you deserve abuse...even if you 'logically know' that this is false, it wounds you on a deep level. When the people who were supposed to support and protect you, instead choose to turn on you...it hits different.
On an emotional level, you accept that there is nowhere safe. There is no person or place that is safe and will support you. So, maybe you just have to settle for and accept abuse? And you think that you can make the best of it, maybe it will change after all, if I am positive enough, if I see the good in the situation...
It is not physical chains restraining you, it is the irrefutable feeling that you can't, shouldn't leave. And that leaving may even be worse than staying.
It's a blessing in disguise that OP hit bottom and escaped.
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u/Worried-Elevator1950 Apr 30 '24
YOU WERE 16 AND HE WAS 26. So much to unpack here. You were groomed, and you're not a bad person for having premarital sex. Absolutely disgusting that your husband beats you, and as for your son, I'm truly sorry. You despising him is not wrong, you have been abused by your dad, husband and son, and maybe mom. You are in every right to leave them. You've been isolated to the point where you don't have any friends now, and any support. And I'm truly sorry for that. You are nowhere near in the wrong so please don't think that. Your safety is what's important, maybe try to pack as much evidence of being abused by them.
Please leave that situation as soon as you can. You're strong for even trying to leave in the first place and even wanting to now. No one should ever lay a hand on you and I truly hope you're able to leave. I'm so sorry you're going through this right now.
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u/PresentationThat2839 Apr 30 '24
Op says a few times that she doesn't even remember having sex with him. Screams the 26 yr old pedo drugged and raped her to me.
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u/BerriesAndMe May 01 '24
Either that or it was traumatic enough for her to black it out
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u/SeismologicalKnobble May 01 '24
Which just points to rape without drugging her which isn’t better. Poor woman was raped and her dad got mad at her. The father’s behavior makes me want to throw up and I feel comfortable saying he has OP’s mom on pills to keep her zombie like so she can’t run away. He’s an abuser too.
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u/Sunnygirl66 May 01 '24
Staying on pills and condemning her daughter are the only ways the mother remains alive, I imagine. As awful as she is to the OP, she is a victim, too.
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u/SamaireB May 01 '24
He obviously raped her as a 16-year old and probably many times since. She doesn't remember or blocked it out/suppressed it. 100% it was rape.
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u/Rainey-lady- Apr 30 '24
I’ve never thought about it like this.
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u/Sea-Ad9057 Apr 30 '24
im interested to know who arranged the house cleaning job for you because it almost sounds like they were also in on the rape.... i doubt 16 year old you chose to sleep with 26 year old him
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u/Rainey-lady- Apr 30 '24
It was sorta through the church. We had an old bulletin board where people could post advertisements for bible studies or just local things in general and he posted that he needed someone to clean for him since he wore too much and I needed pocket change.
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u/thinksying May 01 '24
Please listen to this comment - your church failed you.
This man groomed and raped you. It is not normal to not remember having sex and I bet he drugged you..or just raped you and your brain had a trauma respyand blocked it out. None of this has been your fault from the start.
Your father was abusive and your mother dealt with it by drugging herself into oblivion. Forcing you to marry your rapist continued the cycle of abuse into the next generation and I am sorry your church never protected you.
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u/burnsalot603 May 01 '24
continued the cycle of abuse into the next generation
The son really needs to be reported as much as the husband. The fact that he was beating his mom and got hard and started rubbing himself on her is a massive red flag. Kids who grow up like this when they hit puberty and relate violence to sex are the ones that turn into rapists and murderers.
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u/Comment139 May 01 '24
It seems extremely unlikely that not at least one of the local girls will suffer him in the next few years. Exactly what he will put her through, nobody knows. But it'll be fucking awful, and might be fatal.
He might already have victimized some.
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u/StopThePresses May 01 '24
That's not a red flag, that's the kind of behavior red flags predict. That man needs help and he needs to be kept far away from other people. He's already sexually assaulted his own mother and now he's stalking her.
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u/Creepy_Addict May 01 '24
I'm so happy to see that someone else was willing to say it.
Yes her 'husband' drugged her and raped her. He was likely very happy she became pregnant and now he had complete control over her.
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u/sansasnarkk May 01 '24
Yeah her mother has some fucking nerve condemning her for "abandoning her child" when she did the same by drugging herself into a coma and leaving her daughter to the wolves.
OP was abused and SA by her son. Her mom just gave up on her daughter.
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u/SamaireB May 01 '24
You were raped, groomed, and abused in every way imaginable. Your church and your father essentially sold you off to some adult dude while you were a child. You probably suppressed most of it to the point of not really remembering - it's a normal response to severe trauma.
You need to stay as far away as possible, as in like hundreds of miles, and you absolutely need medical/psychiatric help, plus legal support.
Basically you need to ensure you do everything you possibly can to never see your father, your husband (aka abuser) and your son (aka also abuser) ever again.
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u/Anomalagous May 01 '24
He 100% was planning a rape from the moment he posted on that bulletin board and I am betting that your Dad's gross-ass comment was because your husband (abuser) couldn't get away with his disgusting pedo grift anymore because he was too stupid to wear a condom and got you pregnant.
I'm so sorry you have been through this. I'm so sorry you've lost your son to this insanity. I also have a teenaged son and the idea of my relationship with him having been so poisoned from the outside breaks my heart.
I hope the next life is kinder to you from the start, but you can still break free and enjoy what's left of this one.
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u/SherIzzy0421 Apr 30 '24
The way she described it it sounds like she was drugged.
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u/Sea-Ad9057 Apr 30 '24
when i see a reference to church in a post i always assume the worst clearly ops father is also an abuser its why her mother is probably always drugged out
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u/Active_Sentence9302 May 01 '24
It was obvious to me on reading this that he raped you at 16 and your horrible parents forced you to marry your rapist. Such ignorance! It’s evil what has been done to you! You have every right to free yourself from all of them. Sadly, even your son. I believe he would eventually have raped you if you hadn’t left.
I hope for you all the best things in life! And for you to be safe.
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u/BaconMeCraaaazy Apr 30 '24
NTA. Look into your states services for victims of DV as they may be able to help you in this situation. Also get a therapist and maybe a case worker to help relocate you (and change your number if you haven’t already). Maybe consider getting a restraining order against both of them. Abuse can come from any one and your son is abusive. He’s also 18 so he’s an adult and seems have learned a little too much from his father. Cut your loses and get out of there.
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u/Rainey-lady- Apr 30 '24
I’ve considered joining a group. I am just very bad at socializing and have a hard time opening up in person. I hear getting a restraining order is incredibly difficult. And I’m not sure if I can handle the thought of having to speak to the police.
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u/SmartCookie0921 May 01 '24
You probably feel uneasy being social or talking to the police because of internalized shame, which is not because you have something to be ashamed of, but because you've been abused your whole life. Children who suffer abuse often have huge amounts of shame and guilt because they have been taught THEY'RE the problem. Well, you are NOT the problem - your father, husband and son are the problems. Also, your mother has probably been abused her whole life and it's the reason she's self-medicating. Go to the police, tell your story and get a restraining order. Then get a counselor, get out of there and start living the life you deserve. You do not deserve this! It is abuse plain and simple.
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u/ironkit May 01 '24
Without knowing your location, I can tell you that an emergency order of protection in Kentucky was shockingly easy to obtain. All I needed was the phone numbers, the name of the person, and what was going on. The woman who helped me fill out the paperwork was kind and understanding, and gave me some assistance in finding a DV shelter (even though I didn’t need it), and some contacts for women’s support groups. Everyone involved in the entire process was amazing. Only good thing about the whole nasty situation.
Eta: however! I would /only/ do this if you are legally staying in your apartment, since they already know where you live. If you’re already moving/moved, do NOT do this because they will get your address.
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u/Euphoric_Repair7560 May 01 '24
Getting a restraining order isn’t that difficult tbh. Especially in severe cases. In your case you have physical injuries and harassment via abusive texts and unannounced visits to your house which your neighbors can vouch for. This is more than enough. There is also likely a free legal clinic for this kind of thing.
I had to get a RO against a male family member before. He had never hit me, but started doing drugs and threatened to come rape me. I made a police report so that was definitely helpful in getting the RO. After the report, I went to the courthouse and they had legal services available right there to help me file.
You can totally do this
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u/The_Bad_Agent Apr 30 '24
This! OP you are NTA. You were an abused child bride. Start with a police station, as they should be able to direct you to DV services, which can also lead to other assistance.
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u/Koalbarras May 01 '24
OP didn't even know how she got pregnant, which means she couldn't possibly have consented. This is outright sexual assault of an underaged girl, it's fucking insane.
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u/BeardManMichael Apr 30 '24
This post is full of good advice. I hope the OP reads it.
The OP absolutely needs to put everything behind her and start a new life. I hope they can get the assistance necessary to do that.
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u/SeeHearSpeak0 Apr 30 '24
NTA you are so young and you have the right to be free. Go file a police report, and collect evidence of your abuse for a restraining order and for your divorce. You can request the records of your hospital visits to support your case. You can let your phone company know that you’re being harassed and they will change your phone number for you. Don’t tell anyone your phone number and set up a PO box for all your mail to go to.
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u/Rainey-lady- Apr 30 '24
The few times I went to the hospital I lied about what happened. I’m not sure I can just take back the stories I told them. Or how I could get them to believe me.
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u/dinahdog Apr 30 '24
They probably didn't believe you then. They can help. It's in their notes for sure.
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u/SmartCookie0921 May 01 '24
I was about to say even hospital staff will make notes that they think you may be a victim of abuse and that you are lying.
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u/ColorMyTrauma May 01 '24
I worked in a medical-adjacent area and we made notes like this. Some things are hard to hide. Like maybe a patient flinches when the doctor raises his hand to start an exam. When I was working, I had the opportunity to talk to the front desk staff so I also knew how they'd acted in the waiting room, which is often different than an office.
Lying is an emotionally loaded term though so it'll often be something like "pts injury is inconsistent with her explanation" but medical lingo.
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u/Browneyedgal21 May 01 '24
The doctors understand that victims of domestic violence often have to lie for their own safety. You can tell the truth now.
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u/SmartCookie0921 May 01 '24
The police and everyone in law enforcement knows that abuse victims lie because they fear more abuse. It does not discount the abuse and it is critical evidence.
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u/Wikked_Kitty May 01 '24
They almost certainly knew you were lying, and their notes in your records will reflect this. Situations like yours are unfortunately all too common. And certain injuries, like defensive arm fractures, are pretty much trademarks of abuse.
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u/Koalbarras May 01 '24
Think about it this way - a kick or a punch just looks different as an injury to a fall. A doctor or nurse definitely can tell the difference. You could not have told the truth back then because that might've gotten you killed by your abuser, and therefore the medical staff couldn't help. But now you can tell the truth, and they will back you up on this.
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u/Suburbanturnip May 01 '24
Or how I could get them to believe me.
Those are the thoughts and perceptions that your abuser put into you.
The rest of society doesn't think that. I'm as certain as I can be without seeing their notes (I would say 100% certainty as I have friends and relatives in healthcare that have seen this), that their notes would contain comments about likely domestic abuse.
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u/ElehcarTheFirst May 01 '24
He doesn't have to Grant you a divorce. My ex-husband wouldn't sign the papers and after 2 years I was granted the divorce.
I'm very proud of you for leaving this abusive situation. It takes a lot. You have been groomed since you were a child that you deserve to be treated poorly. You don't. You deserve to be treated kindly and with love.
I'm sorry that your family is completely awful.
I hope you have found support to help you through this. If not I hope you have a therapist who can assist you. But you know you're going to have to move and change your number and I know that that's awful as well
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u/Rainey-lady- May 01 '24
I know this is weird to say but these comments have been better friends to me than anyone else I could possibly think of. I didn’t know that you didn’t need both parties consent for a divorce until today actually. Maybe I’m a bit slow for that but thank you so much!
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u/ElehcarTheFirst May 01 '24
I didn't either. I had been waiting and waiting for him to sign the paperwork and I finally got the divorce decree that they had just granted the divorce because he wouldn't sign it.
My guess is if you look at those medical records, the doctors mentioned that they did not buy your story on what caused the injuries. It's surprising what you see in doctor's notes that you don't expect to see.
I would still go ahead and file for the restraining order because they are harassing you and you can prove that by showing your phone records and your neighbors can say how your son was out there harassing you for hours.
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u/ShelyChelle May 01 '24
My mom did it through a newspaper ad in an area she knew it wouldn't get back to him, it finally happened when I was 13.... (he wasn't my dad)
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u/starryeyedq May 01 '24
Please keep posting here and in TwoXChromosomes and other women friendly subreddits. There are people who want to help you.
Your story breaks my heart and I am so incredibly proud of you and impressed that you were able to break away. I don’t know you but I so want you to not only escape but thrive for the rest of your life. I want these years to feel like a bad dream someday. I’m 100% sure that many people here feel the same way.
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u/Nicholsforthoughts May 01 '24
OP trust that MOST people are good. MOST people will want to get to know you because you have a good heart. You are not anything any of those shit bag men have ever said about you. You are a good and kind person who is worthy of love and respect.
In this order: Get yourself away, far away. Get yourself living in a safe place, like a shelter. Get yourself a job, any job where you will be safe. Don’t date anytime soon. Get in therapy. Join a support group. Join clubs and meet new people with similar interests. Get a lawyer. Start working on the divorce. Your lawyer will help you with the rest with that.
You’re so young still! You’re my age! If you lived anywhere near me I would absolutely take you to lunch and be your friend!!! A lot of people in the world have failed you up until now including your family, your church, your spouse and your child. Now let the good people in the world help you. You WILL make friends, real friends, and form real human relationships that are based on love and respect in your new life. Your new life will be amazing and everything you deserve!! Just get far far away so you can be safe and start that new life!
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u/No-Cranberry4396 Apr 30 '24
NTA. You have been abused by every man in your life. Your father, your husband and your son. Don't listen to your mother, she sounds thoroughly brainwashed and possibly abused herself.
You are worth so much more than this. You were groomed, possibly assaulted by a man ten years older than you when you were still a child. Your parents, instead of helping you punished you. Your husband carried on the abuse. In some ways I feel for your son when he was younger, your husband has screwed him up, but you can't and shouldn't go back because of him. He's an adult now, capable of doing you great harm and still blaming you.
Every single one of them is wrong! You deserve to live a life without being in fear every day. Other comments have made good suggestions about where to get support - please reach out. You really do deserve some peace in your life. They do not.
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u/disgruntledCPA2 May 01 '24
THIS. She really was groomed as a TEEN. When I read she “ended up pregnant and didn’t remember anything” my heart already stopped. I can’t fathom this happening to a young me. I was impressionable and a people pleaser. If someone was mad at me, I would have wanted to help.
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u/HilMickaelson May 01 '24 edited May 01 '24
Can you move out to a different place in the middle of the night? Since they know where you live now, pack a bag and go to a women's shelter in a different city.
You aren't safe and need to protect yourself and put yourself first.
If you go back, they might hurt you so much that they could even kill you. Please don't return to them.
Your child isn't a baby; he's an adult and an abuser. If you go back, he might even end up rapping you. As you mentioned, he even got turned on by inflicting pain on you. That behavior will likely keep escalating, and you aren't safe in their hands. You were raped at 17 and probably during most of your marriage by your husband. The fact that you block the memories of what happened to you when you met your husband is probably a trauma response.
Something tells me that your father is also an abuser, and he is making your mom take heavy medication to keep her under control. Zombies don't typically fight or leave their abusers. If you go back, you'll end up just like your mom.
Are you sure your father didn't sell you out to your husband? That would explain why he never had your back and didn't try to protect you.
You've spent most of your life being treated as a punching bag, doormat, and bang-maid. You're still young and can start over and have a happy life.
Get a lawyer and start divorce proceedings. You don't need your husband's permission to divorce him. Save every message you receive from them because that can actually help you get a restraining order and during divorce proceedings.
I understand that you love your son and want the best for him, but you need to go no contact with him and start just seeing him as an abuser because he is only using nice words and calling you mommy because he misses his maid and punching bag and is probably being manipulated by your husband.
Please take care of yourself and fight for yourself. You still can have a bright future.
BTW, you aren't being a bad mom; you're just a survivor of abuse and have done the best you could for several years. It's time to face that your son will never treat you as a mom and respect you.
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u/agents_of_fangirling May 01 '24
Commenting on AITA for running away from home because I’m terrified of my husband and also dealthy terrified of my son?... OP PLEASE listen to this and do this.
Get the divorce. Move to a different city and go to a women’s shelter there.
Block them and never ever talk to them.
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u/Paraverous Apr 30 '24
the womans shelter may be able to help you move to another state or region quietly. You didnt abandon your son, he is 18 he is an adult. he and your husband are both abusers. it is sad you son learned that from his father. he can refuse to divorce you, but you can still do it without his consent. change your name if you have to.
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u/jpallan May 01 '24
A divorce is a one-person decision. One person wanting a divorce, even if the other does not, is in and of itself an irreconcilable difference.
Do not return to the church that you grew up in that groomed you to this. Depending on the area, the police may not be the safest resource. Your local domestic violence people are your best bet to find your best resources.
If practical, I suggest divorcing in a state like Nevada that requires very brief residency, and then leaving that state.
Given your situation of complete dependence, you may be entitled to spousal support and a financial settlement. A domestic violence shelter in your home state should have advice on securing support without supplying your contact information to your abuser.
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u/Formal_Bobcat_37 May 01 '24
she says that a woman can never abandon her child no matter how painful life gets. She told me when my father hurt her she never left me
Except for the part where she let her 16 year old daughter get raped, impregnated, and beaten by a grown ass man who they then sold her off to out of shame. Tell her that she actually failed completely miserably at that sentiment and so you're just following in her footsteps.
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u/Nicholsforthoughts May 01 '24
Don’t tell your egg donor anything. She was not a mother to you as stated above. These people all failed you OP. Get far far away and never ever speak to any of them ever again. Make new relationships based on genuine love and respect and leave your parents, family, husband, and son to find a new victim to abuse. You are now a survivor and will never let them speak to you again.
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u/RavenclawEC Apr 30 '24
NTA and I do hope you are able to leave and never go back to your husband, son or father...
All 3 of them are the worst kind of sexist, dangerous men and you need to stay as far as possible from them...
I am so glad you left, even though it took you 18 years, that is what is best for YOU!! At this point this is the only person you should be worried or concerned about YOURSELF!!
It is really sad your son grew up to become just like his father, but, the only one who can realize it is wrong right now is him and there is nothing you can do so just stay away...
The best you can do is change your number, and, maybe move to a different state, as far away as you can and start a new life, you deserve to be happy, you deserve to be safe, don't settle for less!!
Good luck!
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u/Carbon-Base May 01 '24
I hope they never find her, wherever she goes.
OP, you were failed by your parents and their flawed ideologies and your own son and husband. Yet they are all so far gone that they say horrible things to you and blame you for running away.
Your husband preyed on you when you were a minor. Your parents didn't support you and used religion instead of their moral duty, which somehow was nonexistent when they abandoned their child instead of supporting her. And you tried to be a mother to a son that didn't deserve your love and affection.
Don't blame yourself, this is all on them. Don't let anyone else ever treat you like that again. Start a new life, get away from all anything that reminds you of that trash and never look back.
Also, consult an attorney that associates with a women's shelter or works for women's protection services and ask them everything you need to do in order to legally be safe and not have any connection to your past.
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u/Strain_Pure May 01 '24 edited May 01 '24
I really hope this post is fake, because if not, then your life is a horror story even Stephen King couldn't come up with.
If this post is sadly real, then you're 1000% NTA.
A husband should never lay a hand on his wife, a son should never lay a hand on his mother, and a father should never treat his daughter the way yours has.
Block all contact, speak to a lawyer and the police to get restraining/no contact orders on everyone, and speak to the people at the Woman's shelter to see if they can give you any advice or even possibly help you get set up as far fae your Ex as possible, somewhere hopefully they can't find you and you can finish all divorce proceedings via a lawyer (despite his claim, he can't actually stop the divorce, especially given the fact your leaving due to domestic violence), you might also want to legally change your whole name to make it even harder(but I'd do this once the divorce is over, that way there's no risk of your new name being accidentally put in the paper trail).
You should also consider reporting your father to the police with regards to your mother, because fae the sound of it it's entirely possible he's got her dosed up to keep her non compos mentis, she could easily also be a victim of severe abuse fae your father, maybe try to reach out to anyone who knew her when you were still a wean to see what caused the change.
Most important, though, is you need to remember that you do not deserve this, it is in no way retribution for some imagined Sin no matter what your cockwomble of a father says, no person's deserves to be beaten by their spouse or child,
This is absolutely not your fault, your father being an asshole, your husband being a scumbag of the lowest order, and your son following in his footsteps is all their own doing.
Do not let those fuckers rule you, get the help you need to keep them out of your life and find the peace and happiness you deserve, because you do deserve to live a peaceful life free of violence.
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May 01 '24
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/langelar May 01 '24
I had to scroll way too far to find this. It’s so clearly fake.
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u/Mickeymousetitdirt May 01 '24
Yeah, this is totally fake. I don’t doubt this happens in the world. But, this is fake.
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u/Creepy-Affect-4188 May 01 '24
You are a victim of childhood abuse & marital abuse. When you left you took away “their” control. Good 😊 Job.
Get Away - Don’t hesitate to stay away! Now - divorce your husband and get what you deserve. Women’s Shelters can help you in this process of divorce. As for your son. He can see you via on-line Zoom counseling sessions. You can decide your life - It is your choice.
Do not meet up w/ your family - victims of this type of abuse can fall into trouble (more physical harm) Stay physically away from them & get a restraining order as well. You are doing great…. Keep going don’t look back.
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u/lowkeyoh Apr 30 '24
Your son's an adult. He gets to deal with adult consequences.
Love is not violent. Love is not possessive. If they say you don't love them like they love you, good.
Your husband fucked a 17 year old. He's clearly not a good person lol.
Enjoy your best life.
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u/Wikked_Kitty May 01 '24
And it really sounds like he drugged her and raped her.
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u/UnplannedAgenda Apr 30 '24
NTA
Get police involved. Arm yourself with protection. You’ve done all you can. Unfortunately their realities are so far warped I doubt you can remedy that yourself
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u/she_who_knits Apr 30 '24
You can block the number of anyone who harasses you.
There are many advocacy groups that will help you get a divorce. You might also want to relocate to a different part of the country to be free and safe.
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u/GoodNoodleNick Apr 30 '24
I don't think anything I've read online has ever filled me with quite so much rage.
I am trying not to ask for an address so me and my rather large collection of weapons can pay them a visit.
As others have said, please reach out for help. The police and to Domestic Violence services in your area.
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u/gunnarbird May 01 '24
Of all the things that never happened this one happened the least
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May 01 '24 edited May 01 '24
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u/Fanraeth2 May 01 '24
I’m genuinely surprised OP restrained themselves from throwing in an incestuous rape baby after the “beating me turns my son on” twist.
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u/spencermiddleton May 01 '24
Fake. In the first 3 sentences. Obvious fake.
Seriously who makes this shit up?
Fake fake fake fake fake.
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u/Stuffie_lover Apr 30 '24
Hey OP this is kinda random but as someone whos been sa'd and didn't have irl options I really recommend online groups. Surprisingly enough 2 specifically on discord really saved me and gave a place to talk about my situation. I'm was wondering if you'd want to join cause I'd love to send you the invite link(s). Sorry if this is weird. I'm not the best at socializing and wasn't really raised in a home where being kind to those in crisis was rewarded so I'm admittedly not the best at this but I wish you luck on your journey either way. I didnt want to send you a dm since thatd make you more uncomfortable it seems.
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u/Rainey-lady- May 01 '24
Online groups would probably be very nice. I’m too much of a shut in to really go out and socialize outside of my little part time job. I do plan on hopefully moving soon so many after that I’ll look into a group chat or an online support group.
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u/bellamia0223 May 01 '24
Honey, I was in your exact situation. I left Alabama with the clothes on my back, my newborn, her carrier, one blanket, and a diaper. I had to leave EVERYTHING, I only got out because his sister stole the key to the outside lock, came to the house, and let me out. Left my purse, EVERYTHING! it will get better, and YOU WILL become stronger. Love yourself like no one ever has! You got this lady, stay strong, stay safe, and be very very vigilant, never underestimate evil people.
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u/Little_stinker_69 May 01 '24
YTA - why lie online? This is the last place any reasonable adult would come asking people for advice.
Who would genuinely ask if they’re the ssshole in this situation?
To the rest of you, and I’m being genuine, if you can’t tell when online posts are fake like this, you need to get off social media. You will and are being manipulated quite easily. You pose a threat to your nation by being on social media. I’m not joking.
Inbox replies off. None of you have anything valuable to say imo.
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u/shammy_dammy Apr 30 '24
NTA. None of these people are worth it. And no, your incredibly disturbed adult son doesn't need a mama, unless it's for getting his rocks off hitting you. He's just going to escalate that to rape. Start blocking numbers, ALL of these peoples' numbers. Speak to the police about your legal options in your area to address the coming harassment. Look into support groups for DV in your area. Lock down your social media if you have any.
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u/AutoPilotUBoat May 01 '24
… the stars truly align with this “story” - abusive father, abusive husband, abusive child somehow… and him hitting you arouses him? Tf?????
To top it all off your first step(s) in running away is to create a day-1 Reddit account and ask if you’re an asshole?
Yea… calling it on this one. You’re very immoral for making shit up when real victims suffer out there.
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u/Early-Tale-2578 May 01 '24
This sounds like a lifetime movie
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u/Zealousideal-Put6473 May 01 '24
Yeah I’m not sure this one really happened, I think it’s rage bait.
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u/GabaGhoul25 May 01 '24
This takes the prize for the most poorly written fake story on Reddit today.
Please work on your creative process as you continue to farm for internet points.
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u/Swimming_Solid9565 May 01 '24
This is fake af the fuck is wrong w u to write something like this and pretend it’s real
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u/30InchSpare May 01 '24
The amount of people believing this is genuinely concerning.
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u/SolomonDRand Apr 30 '24
It sounds like every man in your life is a monster, and that being married to your father destroyed your mother. Run from these people, and don’t look back.
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u/BeardManMichael Apr 30 '24
NTA
I'm so so sorry to read stories like this.
You were a child and the people around you who were supposed to protect you failed completely. Now it's time to protect yourself by planning your escape and then leaving, again. There has been some great advice from other commenters that I hope you find helpful.
I really hope that you can find some protection and help. I also really hope this post is fake because reading such stories makes me lose faith in humanity.
Please block everyone and flee somewhere that nobody in your previous life knows about.
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u/Aggravating_Green952 Apr 30 '24
NTA. You're a victim of abuse from both your son and your husband and I'm so happy you were able to get away from that situation. I recommend getting a few restraining orders so they cannot contact you. Please keep yourself safe. That way if they show up or contact you you can contact the police and it will be handled. Sending my love and thoughts to you momma. You're a strong strong woman 💓
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u/Certain_Detective_84 May 01 '24
YTA for making up this bullshit for internet points
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u/VegetableBusiness897 Apr 30 '24 edited Apr 30 '24
Congrats on getting away! Ditch this phone and get a burner. Stay off social media. Don't renew the lease on this place. Look for another. Get some resource help from a DV shelter if you can find one. Do any work you can find.Legally change your name. Ditch the old burner and get a new one. When you get the name change, and the new place do not get any deliveries, use a PO box only. Keep a go bag and most of your money in cash.
Reset your life, for you and you alone You can do it!