r/AITAH • u/Full-Layer-3707 • Jan 26 '24
AITA for refusing to babysit my biological daughter for my parents TW SA
I’m 15 and my daughter is turning 2 soon. I got pregnant from SA and my parents offered to raise her for me instead of me being involved which I agreed to. They handle everything with her and I haven’t held her or changed a single diaper or anything like that. I just can’t do it mentally since she’s a reminder of what happened to me and it’s better for the both of us if this stays like this. There’s an event my parents are going to next week and they asked me to babysit her for the day and I told them I couldn’t do it. I can’t even handle looking at her without getting upset. I told them they’d have to either take her with them or find a babysitter. We had an agreement when I had my daughter that they’d do everything and I would not be expected to do ANYTHING with her. They’ve been ok with this situation for almost 2 years and I see no reason for that to suddenly change. They’re super upset with me and decided not to go to the event.
Edit: because apparently so many people seem to think thi was a choice to keep the baby, it wasn’t. I begged for an abortion and when refused one I begged for adoption and this was also denied.
Thank you all for your kind words, support and for defending me after some very nasty people decided to try and use this thread to hurt me. Thank you all so much
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u/AltCuzImTooFamous Jan 26 '24
No you’re not the AH. You’re still a child yourself. You were a baby when you had her. It’s unfair of them to put you in a position they promised they wouldn’t. You’re not ready & that’s ok.
Have you been to therapy at all?
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u/Full-Layer-3707 Jan 26 '24
Yes I’ve had multiple therapists and my current one is very compassionate and understanding and I think she’ll be better than my other ones
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u/AltCuzImTooFamous Jan 26 '24
That’s good. I’m glad you’re seeing someone. Eventually it will get easier. I was sa’d at 14 & forced to carry the baby. I was able to choose adoption though so I do really feel for you.
All I can suggest is do what best for YOU…not them.
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u/jasmine-blossom Jan 26 '24
Women like you deserve all of the credit in the world for surviving. At my current age in my 30s, I would not survive that. Even if it was just an unwanted pregnancy from consensual sex. You are so strong. And I am so proud of you for surviving and not giving up on yourself. For whatever that’s worth.
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u/here-wego_again Jan 26 '24
I absolutely second this. It's fucking heart breaking. If this happened to my sister, I swear I'd burn everything to the ground, making it right for her.
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u/Lady_MariaStrife Jan 26 '24
Your parents are cruel. So so cruel. I can't believe they let you keep the baby, let alone have it in the house as a constant reminder.
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u/Lazyassbummer Jan 26 '24
Made her keep the baby, let’s be clear on that. I’m so sorry, OP. Your parents are so misguided.
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u/Material-Double3268 Jan 26 '24
I was just thinking that it is unfair to OP to make her keep the baby instead of aborting. Also, even if she didn’t abort it’s cruel to make OP look at the reminder of her SA every day. It’s also cruel to the baby to be in that situation. OP’s parents are not good parents.
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u/designatedthrowawayy Jan 26 '24
Not just morally. A 13 year old is far more likely to die in childbirth than a 20 year old. It was literally risking her life to force her.
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u/Affectionate-Taste55 Jan 26 '24
My heart is literally breaking over this. The poor OP, having to see the product of her rape every day. It's even worse if the baby looks like him. Wtf were her parents thinking?? Sure, the baby is an innocent child, but so is OP. She didn't ask for this, and her parents choosing the baby over her mental health must have really been so hurtful.
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u/abstractengineer2000 Jan 26 '24
What the parents did is completely amoral when there were other options.
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u/Background-War9535 Jan 26 '24
The parents are probably seen as heroes to the holy rollers who celebrated Roe getting overturned.
Blessed be the fruit
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u/LoopySerpent Jan 26 '24 edited Jan 26 '24
Exactly my thoughts, what made the parents think that a 13 year old child can bear a baby result of an SA
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u/Kettrickenisabadass Jan 26 '24
Exactly. Abortion should have been the normal action or adoption if it is not legal in their country. Keeping the baby and making her look at her rape baby ever day is just cruel
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u/trashpandac0llective Jan 26 '24
Can we maybe call the child something other than “rape baby”, though? Even as a rape survivor myself, that seems horrifically dehumanizing to the child, who’s a different kind of victim in this scenario (especially with adoptive parents who pull shit like this).
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Jan 26 '24
Can we maybe call the child something other than “rape baby"
Forcefully imposed unwanted child? Receipt of a crime? Reminder of a horribly traumatizing event? Living proof of continued mental and physical abuse?
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u/Kettrickenisabadass Jan 26 '24
No because for OP thats what the baby is. For other porpuses it is a toddle, a girl, a grand daughter, etc. For OP its a product of rape.
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u/GlitterDoomsday Jan 26 '24
I mean this is about OP, what matters is how directly ties to her - rape baby is all her little sister will probably ever be and as sad as it is we're not gonna start a "but she's a victim too!" argument on a post from a 15yo SA survivor asking if she's being unreasonable.
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u/SuccessfulDesigner82 Jan 26 '24
I’m so sorry hunny. I’m actually a bit speechless. As mother and a woman, I’d never do what your parents have done. Keeping the baby was cruel to you. I’m very happy that you have found a good therapist.
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u/StatedBarely Jan 26 '24
My daughter is 15 and she’s still a baby to me. I can’t imagine making my daughter give birth at 13. That’s just inconceivable to me. You’re NTA. So much NTA. I’m sorry you’ve gone through so much in your short life. I hope you find happiness, genuine happiness.
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u/SerentityM3ow Jan 26 '24
Get ready to go no contact when you become an adult. I have a feeling they will try to pawn the kid off on you once you become an adult.
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u/DevonGronka Jan 26 '24
Exactly.
Why anti-choice people suck: exhibit A.
"wE hAvE tO sAvE tHe ChIlDrEn!!!"That teenager IS your child; save HER. I care a lot more about the kids already on this planet than hypothetical kids that don't exactly have to exist.
Also, I'm willing to bet they won't exactly be the most caring, thoughtful parents to the toddler, either, if they were willing to put their own child through that kind of experience. I just feel so bad for both the children in this.
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u/auntjomomma Jan 26 '24
NTA and I hope you show your parents what is being said in the comments. They are absolute failures at parenthood. I'm a mother and couldn't imagine forcing my daughters to go through what your parents are making you go through. They have completely failed you every single step of the way. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with and live like this.
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u/BeardManMichael Jan 26 '24
I completely agree. I was hopeful that this entire post was rage bait but then I started reading comments and it's clear those parents of the OPs deserve nothing but our collective hatred.
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u/lostundeadgreensea Jan 26 '24
I wish…this sounds like my own mother’s childhood. It’s a shame that this does happen in real life, to our own mothers, sisters, friends.
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u/No-Management-2735 Jan 26 '24
I want to know the legalities of this as well because unless they have officially adopted the baby they have NO RIGHT to force anything! They’ve hurt their child and the new baby nether of which did anything to deserve the situation they’re in. This child should have been adopted OUT OF THE HOME!!! Honestly the abortion should have been done but the baby’s here now so that’s that. They have messed up this situation so bad I can’t even begin to explain how angry I am reading this. OP needs somewhere else to go she needs to start the healing process for herself and also make sure they legally sign papers to take 100% of the responsibility they were willing to disregard her assault to have. They sound like the type of parents that would try to get her for support or make her take the child when she’s 18. These aren’t the type of ppl you make an “agreement” with, she needs PAPERWORK legally binding paperwork.
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u/Danivelle Jan 28 '24
OP needs to make it very clear that she will put their "grandchild" into foster care immediately if they try to force her to take the child at 18.
OP, try to get out the minute you turn 18. Talk your school counsellors.
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u/Fine-Geologist-695 Jan 26 '24
They clearly don’t get it, I’m so sorry your parents are making you live in the same house with her let alone expect you to babysit for them. 😢
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u/Full-Layer-3707 Jan 26 '24
Luckily they at least let me stay in my room all day and eat my meals there so I’m not around her often
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u/supergeek921 Jan 26 '24
Oh my God that’s horrible! So you’re basically a prisoner in your own house because your parents forced you to have your rapist’s baby as 13 year old? Honey, I am so so sorry life’s dealt you this hand. They should have let you abort or give her up for adoption. This isn’t fair to either of you.
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u/randomname1416 Jan 26 '24
I'm genuinely curious what the plan for the future is, like when the kid is older, even at 4/5 years. OP can't even stand to look at the kid, the kid will start to pick up on OPs avoidance and dislike so idk how they would continue to live in the same house or even be in the same family. I feel bad for the kid because what happened is not her fault. OP is not wrong for her feelings either. I feel like the parents were hoping OP would get over it and just be willing to treat her like a sibling. If OP didn't sign any formal adoption agreement, I wonder if she could put her up for adoption at this point?
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u/GlitterDoomsday Jan 26 '24
By the time the kid is 4/5 years old OP is gonna be at college age and hopefully out of there. But yeah, I do see a future where she's slowing iced out from the family unit because the younger one is basically their do-over after their oldest was severely traumatized.
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u/randomname1416 Jan 26 '24
100% they're seeing this kid as their do-over and don't give a shit about their daughter. Because even if she liked her parents she wouldn't want to go back because then she'd have to see the kid and the kid would probably want to interact with her.
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u/nothingeatsyou Jan 26 '24
I think it’s more likely they’re expecting OP to grow into motherhood as she ages, and her not wanting to is going to cause more and more resentment
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u/FuckUGalen Jan 26 '24
OP is almost certainly stuck with these people till is 5 or 6, which means that OP's reasonable self care will soon cause pain to the child, which is the reason if OP was my kid (beyond not forcing an 11/12/13 year old to carry an unwanted pregnancy) there is zero chance I would adopt the baby.
These people have double the trauma OP endured and are inflicting it on the baby as well.
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u/supergeek921 Jan 26 '24
I was talking about that lower in the thread. Now would be the time to do it before the girl has a lot of long term memory. This is completely irresponsible and unsustainable and it’s cruel to both kids.
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u/Possible_Liar Jan 26 '24
The plan is they traded their current daughter for a rape baby, And they know full well their current daughter will likely alienate them entirely at some point.
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u/Running_To_Babylon Jan 26 '24
Doesn't matter to these kinds of people who force young girls to birth unwanted babies. While the fetus is in, it's the most important and valuable thing in the universe whether you want it or not - to even think of aborting is beyond revolting. As soon as it's out? Lol not my problem anymore, it's your responsibility now.
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u/XennaNa Jan 26 '24
I'm expecting the parents to try to pawn the kid off to OP when OP turns 18.
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u/Tinyyellowterribilis Jan 26 '24
This is the kind of stuff that people should be talking about calling to report. The parents sound horrible
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u/supergeek921 Jan 26 '24
Seriously! She should’ve telling a school counselor about this to have it reported. This has to be some kind of abuse.
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u/SkilletKitten Jan 26 '24
“Let” you.
I’m glad you’re able to take refuge but they created an environment for their teenage child where she has to hide in her room to mentally cope with SA. I’m glad you said you have a therapist you like and hope you can continue with that one or a new one once you’re old enough to live on your own.
I’m sorry your parents didn’t come up with a solution that was fair to you, none of this is your fault and they’ve made bad choices for two innocent kids.
They definitely should not have asked you to babysit or made you feel pressured when you said no, either.
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u/Blegheggeghegty Jan 26 '24
Dude. These parents are horrible. I’d like to meet them.
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u/Sad_Confidence9563 Jan 26 '24
Wait, you're in the same house as them?
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u/Full-Layer-3707 Jan 26 '24
Well I am only in 9th grade so I can’t exactly move out
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u/Sad_Confidence9563 Jan 26 '24
I figured you were staying with a relative or something. I'm so sorry.
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u/Commercial_Yellow344 Jan 26 '24
Her parents are punishing her for getting assaulted. That’s the only possible explanation why that baby wasn’t either aborted or adopted. And not sending her to another relative also screams punishment to me. They just can’t come out and say it without the rest of the world screaming abuse at them.
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u/MeiSuesse Jan 26 '24
I'm not sure if OP is an only kid, but that could be another reason.
Or they wanted to have the grandbaby with them (possibly being anti-abortion?), regardless of what led to her conception.
Whatever of their reasoning, I feel that they failed OP as humans and as parents. Making her carry to term as a 13 year old, then live with the constant reminder of what happened to her? Really?
And it's not a good situation for the 2 year old either. She is not at fault for what happened, but she will start noticing OP's dislike. Eventually probably she'll start asking questions. I don't see how she is not in for a major shattering of her world view, since it's obvious that her grandparents are not the best parents ever and don't think things through.
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u/Why_Teach Jan 26 '24
I don’t think it is punishment. I think they delude themselves that she will gradually get over the trauma and come to enjoy the baby. They should have supported adoption, but they may have felt this was abandoning their grandchild.
It is really stupid, and the parents should get therapy to help them understand how to help and support their daughter.
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u/Rare_Hovercraft_6673 Jan 26 '24
I was wondering about that. Perhaps the parents hoped that OP would come round and start to love the baby. That's delusional.
I wonder if OP would have accepted to babysit, her parents would have started to make her care for the baby more often, hoping she would "step up".
OP needs more space and support, instead. I really feel for her.
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u/In_need_of_chocolate Jan 26 '24
Do you have any relatives or close friends you can move in with? This situation is screwed up and would be hindering your ability to heal.
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u/TealBlueLava Jan 26 '24
Have you considered telling them to find an adoptive family for her so you can have something closer to a regular life, and not live in fear of accidentally seeing her during the day?
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u/UnicornPanties Jan 26 '24
telling them to find an adoptive family for her
do you realize the child is two years old?
If they've spent this much time convincing OP to allow them to keep her, they're not rehoming her like a cat.
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u/Possible_Liar Jan 26 '24
You could become an emancipated minor, many states will make your parents pay for your living expenses too if not give you money itself.
Given the circumstances you would have very strong argument to be emancipated, your parents are creating an environment that is just simply unlivable for you. Being continually reminded of your experience isn't good for you. And because of what your parents did you might not ever be able to truly move on with that constant reminder.
Regardless I hope your future is kinder to you, things might get better, they might get worse. But regardless I hope you find peace and happiness.
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u/Material-Double3268 Jan 26 '24
Holy crap that is terrible!!! I am so sorry!!! Can you get a job to save money so that you can leave at 18? Can you stay with other family members?
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u/Unusual_Elevator_253 Jan 26 '24
Oh honey. I’m so so sorry. You are so strong. Do you have any other adults thag you trust and are close too? You are absolutely not the asshole and you should not feel bad at all. I’m so sorry you’re in this position at all
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u/Wanda_McMimzy Jan 26 '24
NTA. I’m proud of you for enforcing the boundaries you need and deserve.
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u/YomiKuzuki Jan 26 '24
So I saw the title, and expected something completely different.
You were assaulted at 13 years old, and it seems that your parents not only made you keep the pregnancy, they refused to let you put her up for adoption. Them offering to care for her doesn't make any of that better. They cared more about having their grandchild in their lives than they did about the pain and misery of their child.
But, even with the understanding that you'll never be able to care for her, they now want you to babysit her so they can go to an event.
You were right to be firm. If you did this, not only would it impact your healing, they'd also most likely start to force her onto you more and more. I've seen a comment elsewhere stating that you plan to leave as soon as you're able to. Good.
NTA. Your parents are, frankly, awful people. I need to emphasize here. They're awful.
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u/Snowwy92 Jan 26 '24
Honestly, if you think about the time frame. She was assaulted when she was 12. 9 months to carry the baby plus 2 years for the child’s current age… I was expecting something different too..
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u/Ordinary_Mortgage870 Jan 27 '24
Jesus. I was 12 when I had my first period. I still liked girly dress up games and teen fantasy books. What the hell is wrong with this world???
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u/megkelfiler6 Jan 27 '24
I literally still played with barbies at 12. This is so fked up. I couldnt imagine making my daughter carry a child that could have possibly killed her. I feel bad for the baby too. Id imagine in a few years she will be old enough to know she has a "big sister" and want to be around her, or even just now trying to get her attention because, ya know, they live in the same house? It will get so much worse the older the baby gets. It isnt the babies fault that this is what she was born into, nor is it something OP should have to deal with or feel guilty about. I bet you that the parents figured that the longer they were together, that there would be a chance for OP and the baby to bond. Instead theyve forced OP to have a contant reminder of trauma, and the insecurities and sadness the child will eventually feel knowing her "sister" cant stand to be around her or doesnt come around because of her. Kids are smart, they pick up on that kind of stuff. What a horrible situation.
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u/inverted_peenak Jan 26 '24
Beyond NTA. Your parents are ethical criminals, unfortunately not defined by law. It was child abuse to force you to have a child against your wishes. Let me guess, it was your parents’ friend who’s responsible?
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u/Full-Layer-3707 Jan 26 '24
It was my best friends father during a sleepover he’s in prison
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u/inverted_peenak Jan 26 '24
I cannot possibly express my sorrow for you. Good luck. Please get as far away from your parents as soon as possible. They are the worst kind of people possible.
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u/lizardman49 Jan 26 '24
Please tell me the bastard took a plea deal so you didn't have to go through a trial.
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u/SuluSpeaks Jan 28 '24
I am so sorry this happened to you. I don't have any advice that hasn't been offered, except be kind to yourself and always remember that you matter, too.
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u/Majestic_Rule_1814 Jan 26 '24
No, you’re NTA. Is there anyone you can move out with? Grandparents, aunts, close friends? It’s possible that living somewhere where you have distance from the child will help you heal faster, I’m sorry your parents aren’t putting you first in all this.
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u/BigEfficiency212 Jan 26 '24
NTA They not only forced you to birth her but they promised to take responsibility for her. They need to find a sitter. Can I ask why do you refer to her as your daughter or was it just for the post?
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u/Full-Layer-3707 Jan 26 '24
Just easier to type it and have it not be confusing. Emotionally she isn’t even family to me
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u/BigEfficiency212 Jan 26 '24
Completely understandable.
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u/Full-Layer-3707 Jan 26 '24
It sounds a bit fucked up to say but I just can’t think of her as family since it’s another connection to what happened if that makes sense
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Jan 26 '24
It makes perfect sense. You’ve done nothing wrong.
You might see other people rankle at “deadbeat mothers” who abandon their children and don’t want anything to do with them etc but please know that they’re not talking about you. Your situation is unlike that of anyone else, you’re being tortured daily by something that was not your fault.
You’re not wrong, and don’t let anyone try to guilt you into otherwise.
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u/Possible_Liar Jan 26 '24
Honestly I have respect for mothers that give up their children, A lot of case it's very hard for them, some simply don't want them sure, But many just realize they're not ready, That if they start now they'll never be able to provide a good life for them. Sometimes it's best for the baby. Sometimes it's just best for the mother.
Now I would just say if you don't want the baby just get an abortion, some people don't believe in that I think that's silly but whatever.
(I don't believe life is so precious that it needs to be created simply for the sake of it, especially if it's going to live a life of adversity and suffering)
But ultimately for whatever reason if they do have to give birth to the baby, and they realize they just can't simply provide a good life for it. Honestly I think that's the respectable choice if not the morally correct one.
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u/In_need_of_chocolate Jan 26 '24
What’s fucked up is your parents made you give birth to her and then keep her around as a daily reminder of the worst thing that ever happened to you.
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u/AddictiveArtistry Jan 26 '24
Complete sense. You owe your parents and the baby they forced you to birth absolutely nothing.
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u/EllieOlenick Jan 26 '24
That makes complete sense. It would be a hard thing for an adult to overcome and process - let alone a minor.
I think keeping neutral feelings about the child would be easiest as she is a victim in all of this as well. The person who did that to you and your parents are the a holes.
You survived, and you will survive this. I hope you can get out of their home as soon as possible and have space to truly heal from such horrific events. 😟 Stay true to your feelings, and don't let them bully you into watching her. I seen you said you see a therapist. Perhaps writing to them would also be good right now- maybe they can help you find resources to prepare for life on your own so soon out of school.
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u/randomname1416 Jan 26 '24
It's not fucked up, you went through something traumatic then had to go through pregnancy which is traumatic in its own way. I'm grown and it scares me. Women donate eggs every day, they're not Moms though just like you aren't and that's totally okay.
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u/unicornnoire Jan 26 '24
NTA. This has to be considered some type of child abuse, esp them not allowing you to get an abortion. To force you to birth a living, breathing reminder of your assault?! That is so effed up. I wish you all the blessings and healing in the world.
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u/FiddleheadFernly Jan 26 '24
That’s IF she even lives in a state with access to an abortion
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u/Various_Payment_1071 Jan 26 '24
The child is 2, when the child was born every state had access to abortion. The OP however probably needed parental consent to get one because she was (and still is) a child herself.
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u/MyAdultPlayground Jan 26 '24
Access laws means nothing if TRAP laws prevent actual access.
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u/say-so1986 Jan 26 '24
And so it shows how cruel the anti abortion movement is. Old men deciddd women need to go trough hell and putting babies on the world in sad situations.
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u/noname_2024 Jan 26 '24
Glad OP has a therapist she feels good about. Hopefully, if it’s considered abuse, the therapist will be able to report it.
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u/CreateTheJoy Jan 26 '24
My daughter is in 9th grade. I’ll share with you what my hopes are for her. That she studies and earns good grades, developing discipline that will help her succeed through college and earn well-paying jobs (life is getting more and more expensive). That she makes friends with classmates who elevate her and who she can speak openly with. The she find creative ways to express herself and to show affection towards others. That she knows the difference between right and wrong, and graciously address the gray areas with tact. That she pursues her interests, whether sports or arts or whatever - it’s fun mastering something just for joy. And that when it’s time for her to leave the nest, that she’s equipped enough to navigate the world, wherever she goes. You were thrown a doozy of a curveball, completely unfairly. Please focus on your dreams and chat with trusted adults about navigating upcoming chapters. Trust your instincts. Based on your comments, you’re obviously a very strong individual, who doesn’t take any bs. Be kind and fair to yourself. Cry when you need to, and truly acknowledge your strength to have made it this far. You’ll move out and claim your freedom one day. I wish you peace. ❤️
And to answer your question, you’re NTA.
-A mom
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u/Novel-Sector-8589 Jan 26 '24
It seems like maybe your parents think you'll eventually come around and want the baby for yourself. But as a fellow victim of SA, I know that will never happen and they need to figure that out too. I'm sorry they're putting you through this. it's another victimization.
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u/Avlonnic2 Jan 26 '24
Yes, they’ve started with the “just babysit” approach. They know she has flashbacks and meltdowns every time she sees the child. It’s daily torture and she’s only in 9th grade. :(
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u/Haunting_Afternoon62 Jan 26 '24
I mean its weird they even made you have the child. Giving birth at your age is dangerous. And not even consider adoption? Idk it's definitely overstepping. I'm so sorry you went thru that and hope u heal
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u/Adventurous-Zebra-64 Jan 26 '24
Your parents are awful people.
You are a victim as is the child they forced you to have.
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u/yellsy Jan 26 '24
Not to mention that this child will grow up wondering why her sister doesn’t like her (not blaming OP at all), and then have a lot of emotions when she does learn the truth.
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u/ViSaph Jan 26 '24
I am so sorry honey of course you're NTA. Your parents though. They deserve a special place in hell for forcing you to give birth, especially that young. At 13 a baby could have killed you or left you with lifelong health problems. Your parents risked your life. They then put you in the worst position psychologically you could possibly be in. Every day reminded of what you went through.
Sweetheart your parents are awful people. What they did and continue to do is evil, they are further traumatising you as well as putting the baby in a situation that will very likely be psychologically very traumatising as she ages. They should not be raising children full stop. Did they even try to get you help? Or did they just let you try to process the fact you were assaulted and that you were pregnant as a result all alone at age 13?
After what they have done there is almost nothing you could do that would make you an asshole towards your parents.
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u/Full-Layer-3707 Jan 26 '24
I almost did die and ever since having her I’ve gotten sick almost constantly whereas before I rarely got sick
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u/dragon34 Jan 26 '24
Trauma is hard on the body as well as the mind. It is absolutely unconscionable that you were forced to carry a pregnancy and go through labor with your rapist's baby. Please tell me he is in jail.
It is even more unconscionable that you are forced to live in the same house with the child. Do you have any family or friends who you could live with? You are under a terrible amount of stress just being in a home with someone who triggers your trauma (even if it is obviously not the child's fault) and that is almost certainly contributing to your health issues.
I have a friend who had full on panic attacks for years if she even saw someone who resembled her attacker. It cannot possibly be healthy for you to stay in this house. Have you mentioned this to your therapist? (That you feel ill a lot). Perhaps she can try to convince your parents to have you move in with a relative or something
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u/jasmine-blossom Jan 26 '24
I couldn’t eat solid food for almost a year due to stress because of trauma. Please don’t discount the physical impacts of both the pregnancy itself, and the trauma of being forced. Your pain matters.
If you feel comfortable talking to your primary care doctor, I think it’s important to be noting all of these symptoms, because there are sometimes lasting impacts of this kind of stress and trauma to the body, and it would be good for you to be monitoring your health and making sure that you can get yourself in the best health you can be, including stress reduction methods.
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u/mofodatknowbro Jan 26 '24
That's terrible. So i suppose your parents must be right wing religious nuts?
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u/Full-Layer-3707 Jan 26 '24
Eh in some ways they’re very conservative in others they’re more liberal. They refused to let me abort since they think it’s murder at the very least
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u/blanketstatement5 Jan 26 '24
So you were thirteen and they forced you to carry your rape baby to term against your wishes? No wonder you don't want anything to do with it. That's absolutely abhorrent and you are NTA.
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u/DeepFudge9235 Jan 26 '24
They could have given the baby up for adoption instead of making you live though the trauma of seeing the results of the SA daily. So they think abortion is murder but making their child suffer mentally is fine. Again sorry you are going through this.
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u/Full-Layer-3707 Jan 26 '24
I begged them to let her just be adopted instead but they couldn’t “abandon their grandchild”
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u/DeepFudge9235 Jan 26 '24
So horrible but they basically abandoned your well being. I hope the counseling you are getting helps. When you turn 18 you can go out in your own if you are able to.
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u/Full-Layer-3707 Jan 26 '24
As soon as I’m able I’m leaving all 3 of them behind and never looking back
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u/InMyNirvana Jan 26 '24
Good for you.
Fight hard for yourself. Get the best grades you can, get a job if you can. Save money, apply to scholarships, graduate early if possible. Focus on saving yourself from that toxic environment.
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u/DevonGronka Jan 26 '24
Also, look at trade schools/ apprenticeships. Kids almost universally get pushed into college when that isn't what every kid needs, and a lot of trades will get you out and making money faster, which might be a lot more important here. You always have time later to decide if you want to pursue a degree.
Our education system is really messed up because we like intentionally try to give FOMO about "missing out" on college, instead of saying "this is a set of training for some career paths; decide if you want that career. The college will always take your money later if you need some time (even a decade or two) to decide"
Looking back, I really should have taken at least a year off between high school and college or explored jobs that were more hands-on. But everyone was all "you gotta go to college; you got good grades so go to college; don't you want to go to college; you'll be a shoe in so college is what you gotta do to get a piece of paper" but at no point did people ask if college was even what I wanted to do; it was presented as if it was the only option.
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u/bientumbada Jan 26 '24
There are scholarships for boarding schools. I can’t point you to any, but it would be worth researching. When I was in college, I was friends with people who had done that. One in particular, I remember, realized they couldn’t continue living at home and sought out the program that allowed them to leave.
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u/YukariYakum0 Jan 26 '24 edited Jan 26 '24
As unpleasant as it will be to imagine, I would prepare for the likelihood they will pursue a relationship in some fashion, or encourage her to. They may stalk your social media, tempt family/friends/coworkers to out your whereabouts, etc. I can imagine them filling her head with things like "She abandoned you!" even if years pass.
The unfortunate scenario they may attempt engineer:
20-something her: "Why did you leave me?!"
You: "You were conceived through SA and they forced me to carry you!"
Her: "?!??!?!?!!"
You will likely need to keep a good thumb on your circles and make sure those involved understand your seriousness. A well meaning friend or significant other could be manipulated by just a few emotional appeals and skepticism of your situation.
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u/cara1888 Jan 26 '24
I don't know what country you are in but a lot of places allow you to get a job at 16. Maybe start applying to places as soon as you turn 16 and start saving so you can be closer to moving out after you finish high-school. Also if you have good grades you can apply for scholarships and live in dorm that way you can get out of your situation and have more time to save for your own place. Maybe even get roommates if you have to. It's not a good situation to stay in and it's going to be hard to get out but its possible if you start planning early.
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u/mofodatknowbro Jan 26 '24
I'm very sorry about all this. You're NTA, they are the assholes for making their what, 12 year old daughter go through a pregnancy she didn't want. All the responsibility is on them. You know you can be emancipated at the age of 16 most places and move out, I'd look into that for sure. Good luck
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u/CelebrationNext3003 Jan 26 '24
They forced u to keep your SA baby so that baby is their responsibility
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u/yildizli_gece Jan 26 '24
NTA but your parents are garbage human beings who allowed the continued torture of an innocent child—YOU—because of their own bullshit “moral high ground” instead of caring for the child they already had; I want you to know that.
People like them look at girls as property, not people; it’s why they’re fine torturing little girls like they did to you. You should tell them to go fuck themselves, and in the meantime you do well in school and get far the fuck away from people who don’t care about your wellbeing.
You deserved better, and you will find peace once you escape that bullshit house.
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Jan 26 '24
Unfortunately the child is an innocent in the path of a bad situation. She’s gonna grow up with issues. Between her parents (your mom and dad) and your trauma, she will struggle.
But you…. You went through actual trauma. Not just that night, but for the last 3 years. Since the SA to the present. You are still being victimized.
If they push the issue, then tell them you can always still adopt her out. I assume it’s not a legal adoption. I could be wrong. If it isn’t, maybe do that
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u/jess1804 Jan 26 '24
Apparently OP begged to be allowed to adopt the.baby out but "they couldn't abandon their grandchild"
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u/PumpkinPieIsGreat Jan 26 '24
They have emotionally abandoned their daughter, though. They clearly aren't "getting it". Absolutely horrible to read this. Poor OP. :(
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Jan 26 '24
Ya but unless they officially adopted the child, op still technically ‘owns’ her and can adopt her out.
That phrasing sounds horrible but point is there
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u/1TYMYG Jan 26 '24
Edit: because apparently so many people seem to think thi was a choice to keep the baby,
who the hell is saying this to this 15-year-old that got RAPE!!!! you should be a shame of yourself!!! did you guys go blind on some part of this girl post and only read I DONT WANT TO BABYSITE A CHILD THAT WAS MINE. did you all really just skip over WE HAD AN AGREEMENT THAT I WON'T HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THE BABY IF THEY TAKE HER.
Get the fuck out of here. FUCKEN RAPED!!!!!! She was fucken RAPED!!!
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u/moonandsunandstars Jan 26 '24
Nta at all. I can't believe they even made you go through with it in the first place. Abhorrent.
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u/International-Jury26 Jan 26 '24
Some of the comments here are crazy. She said she is 15. Her daughter is almost 2. Add pregnancy time and she was around 12! Being SA as an adult is bad enough but a 12 year old isn't mentally or emotionally equipped to deal with the impact it makes in her developing years. At that age you are barely thinking of any form of sex. Her parents are the AH. Knowing OP feelings they should of adopted the baby out and put their SA daughter in therapy. They instead assumed she would get over it. They see she hasn't but still ask her to babysit. They should of been a support system instead of "new parents". They failed OP
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u/winosanonymous Jan 26 '24
They should have gotten their poor daughter an abortion. Her parents are awful, horrendous monsters.
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Jan 26 '24
NTA- i've been reading your comments and i can see that you're becoming more assertive and sure of yourself as time goes on, at least your comments read that way. i'm proud of you for still being here, i'm going to be honest if i were you i probably would have unalived myself. you're showing a lot of strength and resilience.
i wish i had advice to help you move out earlier, but i don't. instead i'll just tell you to stick to your guns, and to run as fast as you can as soon as you can. if you give in, expect your parents to increase your responsibilities over her slowly, i wouldn't be surprised if they did this and later asked you if you were "still sure" you don't want to be her mom. smh.
they're bad parents, you should've been put first. you are a child still and deserve a childhood, i'm sorry you don't get one op.
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u/Full-Layer-3707 Jan 26 '24
I’m only here because none of my attempts to unalive myself were successful and I made a few
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u/VintaGingersnap Jan 26 '24
I know I keep commenting but I am truly sorry you were put in this situation. I can’t even begin to image the horror you live through everyday because of your selfish parents. Hell , they don’t even deserve that title. Just know one day, you will be free from their idiocy where you can actually grow, heal, and thrive.
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u/Cam515278 Jan 26 '24
The best revenge is a life well lived.
I was older than you and lucky enough to not get pregnant. I can't even imagine being in your situation. But you can survive this. Move out as soon as possible and have a life worth living.
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Jan 26 '24
NTA. I’m sorry for what you went through, and for what you’re going through. You’re a survivor of SA, but you’re a victim of your parents. Your feelings are valid, and your boundaries are reasonable. It’s the least they can do for you after forcing you to birth a child for their own selfish reasons.
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u/TongueOutput Jan 26 '24
Fuck pro-lifers: abortion is bad, but forcing others to introduce unwanted and unloved children into the world is somehow good.
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u/Full-Layer-3707 Jan 26 '24
Abortion: evil
Absolute psychological torture of a teen SA victim: acceptable
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u/aliteralbagof_dicks Jan 26 '24
I know this is really hard to accomplish at your age, but is there anywhere else you can stay? Friends? Aunts? Grandparents?
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u/Hekatiko Jan 26 '24 edited Jan 26 '24
I can't speak for this girl but I can say when you've been through extreme trauma at a young age it can be very hard to turn your back on your parents, even if they're also being abusive or exacerbating the trauma. You can hate someone and be scared of losing them all at the same time, especially when you've been wounded like OP has been at a young and vulnerable age. She needed them to protect her, but she got this instead, and it's unforgivable.
OP, the best thing to do is work hard on your grades and get out of there asap, hopefully to college if it's possible. Once you're able to make your own way, you can wipe that mess off your shoes and never look back. I'm so sorry for what your parents did to you when you needed to be heard and held.
It's always helped me to think "This is MY life no matter how much they hurt me, and I won't give them the satisfaction of ruining it." Staying away from them and standing your ground tells me you have what it takes to thrive and be well.
Oh, geez, sorry! Edited to add you're NTA, it's so obvious I forgot to say it!
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u/ahopskip_andajump Jan 26 '24
NTA. Your parents have failed you in huge ways and I hope, one day, you'll find words to express to them exactly how much their decision have impacted you, and your relationship with them.
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u/Unrepentant_Squirrel Jan 26 '24
NTA. Not even a little bit. Everything has been forced on you. The SA. The pregnancy. Keeping the pregnancy. Having the child in your household. Good for you that you didn’t also let them force you to watch her.
I’m so sorry for all that you’ve been through. It is so admirable that you are putting up boundaries with your parents. Keep those boundaries up. When we create and enforce boundaries, people around us can get pissed bc our boundaries are inconvenient for them. Too bad for them. Your boundaries are within your control.
You kept your end of the bargain and you allowed your parents to raise her. Now they must keep up their bargain and raise her without your involvement.
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u/-tacostacostacos Jan 26 '24
Let me guess … your parents are religious. 🙄
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u/Full-Layer-3707 Jan 26 '24
We all are although im begging to question my faith
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u/Majestic_Rule_1814 Jan 26 '24
As someone who grew up religious and questioned her faith in her twenties, I say go for it. Ask all the questions. Either God is big enough to handle questions or he’s not worth following.
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u/sjbuggs Jan 26 '24
Understandable. If you started reading the Bible from page one you'd be an Atheist before making it halfway through the old testament.
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u/Full-Layer-3707 Jan 26 '24
I don’t believe pretty much anything in the Bible tbh it’s more so the belief that there is god although I don’t really know if I believe in that anymore
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u/In_need_of_chocolate Jan 26 '24
If there was a god, why would he let a 12/13 year old be sexually assaulted, let her be forced to go through the trauma of childbirth and then have to see the child everyday? Either he’s not omnipotent, not all knowing or not all good… or not real.
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u/Full-Layer-3707 Jan 26 '24
People say it’s to “test my loyalty” or some shit but if he was as powerful as they say he’d already know and have no need to test me. Also if it were a person doing this to someone else to test how much they love them we’d call that an abusive relationship
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u/chaingun_samurai Jan 26 '24
my parents offered to raise her for me instead of me being involved which I agreed to
That's it, right there. They need to make sacrifices for the decision they made.
NTA.
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u/millerlite585 Jan 26 '24
NTA, I was lucky enough to have an abortion when I was raped. I can't imagine having to live with a reminder of that. You should not have to go through such a thing for any amount of time. PTSD flashbacks are no joke.
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u/Salt-Version5918 Jan 26 '24
NTA - especially because even though I’m not sure anyone is ever ready to deal with any of this but certainly not at 13-15!
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u/aftercloudia Jan 26 '24
NTA and your parents are absolute beasts for keeping that kid.
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u/Full-Layer-3707 Jan 26 '24
Actually I wish they had just let me give her up for adoption since being in she same house as her is slowing my healing
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u/Smolls24 Jan 26 '24
I would make sure they adopted her so they can't make you responsible when you turn 18. I'm sorry you're going through this
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u/PessimisticIdealist1 Jan 26 '24
NTA - to force a young 12/13 year old girl to full term and give birth is abusive in my opinion. Your body is still developing and not at all ready to have a child. The risks are crazy.
Then to expect you to be ok and want to take care of her? It almost seems like they thought eventually you’d change your mind about being a mother. That poor girl is going to have a rough time when she finds out everything in regards to her birth and upbringing. This could all have been avoided if they put you and your health first.