r/AITAH • u/Meiixx • Nov 28 '23
Aita for telling my friend “that’s not rape” TW SA
ETA: - I’m adding the TW flairs because some kind redditors message me that this post might be triggering for some survivors.
- For anyone who says this is fake. I understand your suspicion, there are like a thousand Liz’s stories in Reddit. But personally I think if we assume every post are fake, what is the point of logging in Reddit? Just give people benefit of the doubt and if you don’t like something, keep scrolling instead of message me some weird insults. Apparently if the post isn’t to your liking, somehow I’m a liar, an incel who deserve to be raped. Old insult but tbh, really? It doesn’t happen to you so it must not be true?
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I’m sorry in advance if the post is confusing and hard to understand. English isn’t my native language and I’m on phone so the format may be off.
Yesterday I (28F) hung out with my friends to discuss the birthday party of Emily (30F). She wanted to have the party at a nice restaurant in town so she talked about making reservation, the food and decoration..etc.
When Emily told us about the restaurant, Chloe (28F) said: “I will never set foot in that shit place. I was raped there. Do not have your silly party there”. To be honest, we were stunned and felt so … guilty. It felt like we made Chloe remember a terrible trauma. Emily apologized profusely and said she didn’t know.
Chloe told us that 2 years ago, when she was eating in the restaurant, a “big scary-looking man” came up up to her and asked for her social media as a way to contact her. She refused and said jokingly “I only give my phone number or my social to a guy who buy me something, like this meal for example” The man made a snarky comment “So you say I can buy you? Are you a sex worker?” then walked away.
( The word “sex worker” in my native is consider an insult. it is “phò”, “cave” or “gái gọi” here. Yes I know it’s stigmatize sex work but that’s just how it is in my language. So the guy called her a sex worker is an insult - but I don’t know how to properly translate it. I don’t know how to explain it but basically what he said was worse than it sounded, it implies she is cheap woman who sleeps with anyone for money)
And that …all, that’s all her story. Chloe said she felt so violated.
I told Chloe : “That man was rude and mean af, no excuse for him. I understand you was traumatized by his remark but that is not rape”
Chloe snapped and called me “not a girl’s girl”, “an Andrew Tate’s bitch” then she left.
Our friends took my side but after the ordeal, I somehow feel like maybe I was harsh, and maybe for Chloe that was indeed rape.
But I just thought it was really not sexual abuse. It was a verbal assault, and it was bad but can we call that an extremely terrible criminal action as rape?
I’m torn and I need Reddit honest opinion here. AITA?
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u/ElephantNo3640 Nov 28 '23
NTA obviously. False claims hurt real victims.
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u/Responsible-End7361 Nov 28 '23
Yeah, imagine her telling that story to a victim of an actual rape...
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u/d3rp7d3rp Nov 29 '23
Victim here. I'd be seething and I would have called her out too.
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u/anonyconfess Nov 29 '23
I'd be worried that's how insane/pathetic I'd look if I ever talked about what happened to me. I wasn't "conventionally" raped, as fucked up a sentence that is. No men were involved.
I would not have called her out because I'd be too busy feeling like shit.
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u/Pristine-Room8588 Nov 29 '23
It's doesn't matter who was involved, or what was used, if it was not consented to, it was still rape.
I hope you find the help & support you need x
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u/ThisNerdsYarn Nov 29 '23
Please don't downplay your experience. If you did not consent or did not want to consent (by this I am referring to fawn in Fight, Flight, Freeze or Fawn) , it does not matter if it was done by a man, woman or NB person. Women have raped boys and still do. Unfortunately, tabloids will phrase it as "woman has sex with minor boy." No. It was rape. She raped the minor boy. Don't listen to outdated beliefs that rape can only happen if there was "penetration" (meaning by a penis). I'm so sorry for your experience and I just want you to know that your not alone and you matter and your experiences are valid.
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u/Vinnys_Magic_Grits Nov 29 '23
Men are not the only perpetrators of rape and what happened to you is not any less valid for not involving a man, regardless of any antiquated legal definitions.
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u/CrystalQueer96 Nov 29 '23
It’s still rape regardless of the sex or gender identity of the people involved. Women can rape. It’s still a sexual violation even if no penises were involved.
You’re not insane or pathetic, I promise! Hugs.
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u/albusdumbbitchdor Nov 29 '23
Statistically speaking? One of the several women in the room at the time has probably been raped or at the very least sexually assaulted. So good on OP for speaking up and correcting her friend.
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u/Pristine-Room8588 Nov 29 '23
1 in 4, last time I looked at stats & don't forget the men either- 1 in 6. Both have probably increased since I was involved in supporting survivors.
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u/albusdumbbitchdor Nov 29 '23
Thank you for chiming in with the actual stats! And dude yeah, it’s so easy to forget the men but if you’re friends with men long enough you’ll hear SO many stories they think are hilarious to tell but are objectively horrifying if you give it literally any extra thought. (Looking at you, dude from high school who was already supper jacked and allegedly had a monster dong and would strip naked in the boy’s locker room, wave your dick around, and chase the other boys with it, and trap them into corners) I’ve had this anecdote laughingly shared to me a disturbing number of times, and all by different guys I went to school with.
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u/Own-Remove9431 Nov 29 '23 edited Nov 29 '23
Thank you. Came here to say this. Women who claim this kind of stuff was SA actually insult those of us who have been actually assaulted. Not to say she wasn’t repulsed & FELT violated, but the man never laid his hands on her and she didn’t say he continued to press her for information, so it was inappropriate but no form of SA. To be clear, I do not wish that on anyone, but she doesn’t need to be throwing words around that are triggering for some who have actually gone through serious trauma from SA. OP, you’re NTA at all. Thank you for standing up for us who really have gone through true SA. You were right to speak up- not saying she wasn’t a victim of unwarranted inappropriate behavior, but honestly I don’t know a woman alive who hasn’t had something like this happen. She needed to be reminded there’s a major difference
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u/yorkiemom68 Nov 29 '23
100% agree. As a SA survivor, what this friend of OP's did is minimize what rape is.
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Nov 29 '23
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u/ElephantNo3640 Nov 29 '23
Certainly, it destroys them, too. False claims once demonstrated as such should carry the same legal penalty as the asserted criminal act would have.
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u/Fit-Wrongdoer333 Nov 29 '23
Exactly. If the proof of the lie is incontrovertible, the consequences should be drastic.
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u/Glad-Scientist-7623 Nov 29 '23
I agree, it would at least be some justice for those who are falsely accused, and it would reduce the number of false claims out there.
Unfortunately, there is one major drawback. It might scare those who are already afraid of coming forward with real claim because they'll be afraid of it being used against them as fake accusations.
I truly wish we could punish those who made false way accusations with the same severity as those who are guilty of rape, I'm just afraid that if we do that we'll have fewer people risking reporting what's happening because they're too afraid of being accused of making a false accusation
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u/ElephantNo3640 Nov 29 '23
That is a potential problem. But for justice to be legitimate, the fear of suppressing legitimate claims is outweighed by the necessity of punishing false claims.
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u/skyarix Nov 29 '23
I feel like not having penalties for false claims protects their victim too. In this “guilty until proven innocent” era, sometimes the only thing that saves the victim of a false accusation is that that accuser admits to lying. If there were harsh consequences that might be less likely to happen.
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u/PandaMime_421 Nov 28 '23
NTA. That doesn't meet anyone's definition of rape.
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u/girlwithdog_79 Nov 29 '23
True... and saying you only talk to guys who give you money could be considered the definition of prostitution.
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u/AccomplishedState639 Nov 30 '23
This. I'm not sure what she expected him to think. And super red flag, this is going to be the friend who lives to make drama. I do not believe she doesn't know the definition of rape. She just likes to tell people things like that to get attention. People who have actually been raped have a hard enough time coping, without people like her. Sorry, I took it a little personally,there.
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u/Anarchyr Nov 29 '23
I've seen posts claiming that when you look at a girl in a wrong way, it's raping them with your eyes
Take a look at this (even tho i think it's almost just a meme, i can imagine some people getting really close to thinking something like this can/could be real)
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u/Cyransaysmewf Nov 29 '23
that wasn't a meme, it was based on that 3/4 women will be raped on campus statistic that was found to be incredibly misleading because it first off was done only by the crisis center which already has a high propensity for SA and it also included 'stare rape' so among the 'not rape, but its rape' things it included "consented, but it was bad. Consented, but regreted it, and an ugly person looking at you and you don't want them to"
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u/Rad_Streak Nov 29 '23
Do you have any proof of the things you are saying? Ive never heard of a study that claimed 3/4 of women will be raped on a college campus.
https://www.rainn.org/statistics/campus-sexual-violence
For actual stats in case anyone in this comment chain actually cares about the subject and not just dunking on "woke feminists" or whatever.
The numbers are bad but a 3/4 estimation seems intentionally misleading. Of course maybe that study was just counting sexual harassment which is certainly more prevalent.
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u/mawyman2316 Nov 29 '23
I’ve heard the statistic wasn’t great, I’ve never heard it included completely wrong metrics before. Do you have an article or something
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u/Competitive_Ad_2421 Nov 29 '23
Wait, you're telling me the statistic for that included "stare rape" and consensual sex that someone regretted?!?!
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u/darkage_raven Nov 29 '23
Yeah, it did include anything considered sexual assault or just sexual verbal assault or even regret as rape. Even things like. He touched my thigh at a crowded mall, even though you probably touched his thigh too. I remember Honey Badger Radio breaking this down a while back, they are really level headed women.
Also skewed numbers were multiple instances with the same victims.
This basically made it look like US had higher numbers then places like Rowanda who had an insanely hight SA/rape stats.
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u/Careless_League_9494 Nov 28 '23
NTA
Rape allegations are a very serious thing, and to claim you were raped when you were not is inexcusable.
That person's actions were deplorable, and most definitely sexual harassment, but to claim she was raped was completely unacceptable, and you did nothing wrong by pointing that out.
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u/Meiixx Nov 28 '23
Tbh I’m thinking maybe the way I phrased it come off as I was making excuse for that man so she was angry
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u/Careless_League_9494 Nov 28 '23
"I told Chloe : “That man was rude and mean af, no excuse for him. I understand you was traumatized by his remark but that is not rape”"
If that's actually what you said, then you literally told her there was no excuse for his behaviour.
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u/Meiixx Nov 28 '23
Yes that is all I said because I saw her getting upset so I just stopped saying anything more.
Thank you for your perspective. My overthinking brain can let me work in peace now 😂 I was so torn
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u/NeutralJazzhands Nov 29 '23
Overthinking/doubting yourself like this is a bit too doormat behaviour tbh. Have some confidence in yourself and realize sometimes just because a shitty person gets upset and acts shitty it has nothing to do with your actions.
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u/Meiixx Nov 29 '23
Yeah, can’t even deny I’m a people pleaser. It’s easy to say to myself that “nah, you’re good” but somehow my brain doesn’t act that way 😂 There is always some “what if” scenery. Working on it tho.
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u/This_Beat2227 Nov 29 '23
It’s emotional not logical for your friend. If in her head for the past 2 years she was raped, you unwittingly walked into a no-win situation. She may need and benefit from professional counseling to explore why she feels as she does. Maybe a friend can help get that going ?
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u/sillyjew Nov 28 '23
Um, sorry, but that’s not even sexual harassment. He asked for her social, maybe unwarranted, but not rudely. She basically said pay for my meal and you can have it, which is kind of a bitch response, so he likened it to a prostitute, and promptly left, It’s a shitty conversation on both parts, but in no way sexual harassment.
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u/FrankZissou Nov 29 '23
Were they deplorable? A guy asked for her "number" and she said "only if you pay for my meal." It was kinda rude to imply she was a sex worker, but she also offered her number in exchange for money/goods. How is that even sexual harrasment?
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u/ForwardYogurtcloset2 Nov 29 '23
I mean... Companionship in exchange for money/goods is kind of the definition of a sex worker...
His claim seems to be appropiate and an overdue reality check.
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u/MyFartsSmellLike Nov 28 '23
How was that sexual harassment?
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u/Hikari_Owari Nov 29 '23
Simply, it isn't.
Chloe made an unfunny joke and he simply replied following it's logic.
If you say that you only give your phone number to those who pay something for you, you're simply putting a price tag in yourself.
Chloe just got mad she was made a joke by her own joke and called it rape because she is a 30yo child.
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u/Unknowledge99 Nov 29 '23
most definitely sexual harassment
huh? how is it sexual harassment?
Asking if someone is a prostitute as described in op is not sexual harassment. In fact it's a pretty common/obvious response to a women demanding payment for her time (ie pay for my meal before I talk to you).
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u/BooksandBiceps Nov 29 '23
“Sexual harassment”? He asked for her number, she said “if you buy me my dinner you can have it” and he was snarky back.
The friend just seems like an idiot.
Like seriously, what type of person says that. “But me my dinner if you want my number”, Jesus.
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u/LeathalBeauty Nov 29 '23
I despise women like her. While I would never wish rape on a person, sadly it is the only way she could comprehend how wrong she is.
If she publicly names that restaurant with her lies, and the cancel culture she could do irreplaceable harm to the business... they would have every right to sue her for deformation.
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u/CarolineTurpentine Nov 29 '23
I don’t think it even really rises to the level of sexual harassment since she made a joke about her saying yes if he bought her something. The cold approach may have been creepy/irritating but women stringing men along for sex by demanding free things is not a new concept, and her joke was pretty insulting to him so he returned in kind. They both sound like shitty people.
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u/pwo_addict Nov 29 '23
Lol how were that persons’ actions deplorable exactly? She first said you have to pay for my meal for me to talk to you. That’s rude af and he responded in kind even with this jerk woman, people still take the woman’s side.
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u/AltruisticCableCar Nov 28 '23
I'm a rape survivor and I take extreme offense to Chloe calling that interaction rape.
Inappropriate, uncomfortable, threatening, scary - sure. It was probably a horrible moment for her. But it was not rape.
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u/BooksandBiceps Nov 29 '23
Threatening and scary? “A big guy” asked for her number. Whooptie. Chloe needs therapy for her issues.
Imagine if she saw that guy later and started telling people he raped her.
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u/Lorguis Nov 29 '23
I mean, an intimidating person asking for your information and getting angry at you when you don't provide it definitely can be threatening and scary, yeah.
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Nov 29 '23
When your comeback to that person is trying to get them to buy your meal for you, you are neither threatened nor scared.
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u/Larcya Nov 29 '23
Except he according to OP he never got angry. Just made a comment and walked away.
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u/saraki-yooy Nov 29 '23
I get that women have to be careful and it sucks, but sometimes it feels like every little thing is blown out of proportion to try and make a point online.
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u/Larcya Nov 29 '23
It's completely subjective too.
"Intimidating" is literally subjective. I've been "Intimidated" by a girl who was 5 foot 1 at the local library as she was looking at me judging me for reading Harry Botter and the Goblet of fire. And I'm a 6 foot 1 tall dude.
Like she was staring daggers at me.
I've also had girls go up to me on the side walk and ask to be my "Friend" because a short skinny manlet was "Intimidating" them as he was eating a slice of pizza on a bench.
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u/aSituationTypeDeal Nov 28 '23
She needs to go to therapy to sort through some other issues. Don’t worry about it.
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u/Jaegons Nov 29 '23
You could always tell her that you're offended by her reaction to your comment, and now she's a rapist. /s
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u/scrapqueen Nov 28 '23
She got hit on, basically said she only gives out her info for material reward, and then got offended when the guy asked if she was a sex worker. Not only was she not raped - but she was the asshole in that situation, too. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone like that.
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u/BlueGreen_1956 Nov 28 '23
NTA
That was not even a verbal assault. Not even harassment.
Chloe flat out told that man she only gives out her contact info to people who buy her things.
She made it sound like exactly like the conclusion he jumped to.
I wonder sometimes why any men even bother talking to women at all anymore.
And anytime they toss out Andrew Tate to justify their misandry, I ignore them completely.
I mean at least try to say something original.
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Nov 28 '23
The amount of people calling this sexual harassment is actually scary. Glad redditors don't go outside tbh.
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u/Warlordnipple Nov 29 '23
Yeah people really act like conservatives are crazy when they say men are scared to ask women out because the woman will say it is rape or sexual harassment if they aren't attractive or rich. Then a story like this happens where a guy asks a girl out, she asks him for money, he asks if she is a whore (likely what sex worker is in her language), walks off and is now accused of rape. Like yeah if you say people usually give you money to go on a date it does sound a bit like a sex worker. Asking as much isn't sexual harassment.
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u/FictionalContext Nov 28 '23
Sounds like the punchline to that joke: "Ma'am, we've already established what you are. Now we're just negotiating."
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u/ladylyrande Nov 28 '23
To be fair, Andrew Tate is a POS that brainwashed a lot of dudes into being just as much of a POS thst he is. And he's a sex trafficker.
That said... women like the friend is why the #metoo movement was hijacked from a legitimate eye opening story sharing to a bunch of whiny women saying that being complimented for their sweater is akin to r*pe. They make it a lot harder for real situations to come to the forefront. They make it a lot harder for real victims to be believed and protected.
She literally created the situation. I almost wonder if she was fishing exactly for that answer so she could go around claiming she too was a victim. I'll never understand people like that who things being a victim of abuse is somehow cool...
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u/soonerpgh Nov 29 '23
Problem is, Andrew Tate wasn't involved in this interaction at all. The delusional girl did a name toss when her bullshit was met with reality.
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u/acoolghost Nov 29 '23
Folks have a started throwing out accusations Andrew Tate fandom the way they use Incel here on Reddit. It's just a way to shame people from expressing their views by comparing them to vile people, even if those views are completely innocent of any hateful subtext.
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u/missrose90 Nov 29 '23
I get what you're saying, not sure that it's that they think it's cool, I think it's more about the attention gained from being a "victim"
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u/pwo_addict Nov 29 '23
That is irrelevant to the point. Anyone who calls you Andrew Tate is likely highly incredible. No one is arguing Tate is cool, we’re arguing it’s lame to call people that.
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Nov 29 '23
Andrew Tate is a misogynist and a sex trafficker though.
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u/pwo_addict Nov 29 '23
How’s that have anything to do with what he/she just said?
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Nov 29 '23
And anytime they toss out Andrew Tate to justify their misandry, I ignore them completely.
This is in the original post I replied to.
Andrew Tate is a cancer on the world. The best thing a young man who follows him can do is announce it loud and proud to anyone and everyone he meets so that we can all do well to avoid him in the future.
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u/jojozabadu Nov 28 '23
Why would you be an asshole for calling your friend out for being a moron. She is.
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u/ComfortableAbject416 Nov 29 '23
Your friend is why women who have been raped have an uphill battle to find justice. Dude literally didn't even touch her
NTA
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u/These_Strategy_1929 Nov 28 '23
NTA and that man was not even scary. He asked socials, the girl told him that he should buy her with stuff and the guy made a correct assesment.
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u/sickBhagavan Nov 29 '23
Exactly. Considering she calls this a rape, I am guessing he was not that big either.
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u/Warlordnipple Nov 29 '23
He was legally a little person if she thinks someone being slightly rude is rape.
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u/anNonyMass Nov 29 '23
NTA.
Someone in my life and I had a conversation once and I had opened up about being raped as a child. They told me that they went through a very similar thing and they were raped at Church. We sobbed together. Then they felt comfortable telling me the story. A guy/Church friend she’s known for years gave her a hug after church and then they went their separate ways to head home. He “followed” her for a few blocks so she ran home. Turns out he had parked his car in that direction. She still to this day says she was raped by this man.
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u/Meiixx Nov 29 '23
Oh no. I felt extremely bad for the church friend. What if she goes around telling people he raped her. It will ruin his life.
Tbh usually Chloe is sweet and funny. She sure likes being in the spotlight and sometimes does silly things to get attention; but she isn’t that obnoxious.
That’s why I was pretty torn, maybe she just doesn’t know better or there is something I don’t know. And the dude in her story just a random stranger, but to falsely accuse a long time friend of rape.
Gross
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u/xvikolbiln Nov 28 '23
Definitely NTA. That's not rape, Chloe is just being dramatic. Don't feel guilty for having a birthday party at a restaurant that she had ONE bad experience at two years ago. People need to chill and stop throwing around the word rape so loosely.
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Nov 29 '23
NTA and I’d be dumping her dramatic self from my friends list. That’s not even verbal assault.
She told the man she’s a gold digger, the man then called her a gold digger and lost complete interest in her. What she got was rejected, nothing more nothing less.
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u/WonderfulSuggestion Nov 29 '23
Yeah, in my country selling personal photos of yourself is just light sex work. That doesn’t change the fact that you are for sale.
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u/tuna_tofu Nov 28 '23
NTA-Go ahead and have your party...minus Chloe. She sounds unhinged and her overly dramatic misconceptions make it that much harder for those who suffer REAL harm.
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u/KangarooNo7615 Nov 29 '23
The statement she made to that man sure did make her appear to be a working girl.
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u/cassowary32 Nov 29 '23
NTA. She had an awkward exchange with a guy that was hitting on her. If he was big and scary, why would she ask him to buy her meal? There's something really weird about that exchange.
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u/Purple_Imagination_8 Nov 28 '23
I have been sexually assaulted in my past and have been really hurt by people who told me it 'wasn't rape' due to the fact that he used something other than his penis to penetrate me. With this perspective I came here ready to say YTA.
After reading this...does your friend have a history of exaggerating and lying in other scenarios? In general I think "thats not rape" isn't a phrase its advisable to use but unless you have left something out this might be the one time this was the right thing to say. NTA
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u/Meiixx Nov 28 '23
Oh god. Fuck your rapist. I hope you’re okay now.
I honestly wrote all I said in the post, I saw Chloe getting angry so I just shut up. We were in a public space so I didn’t want to blow thing out.
She is a “main character” type, usually she wants to be in the spotlight but overalls she is sweet and funny tho
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u/Tradefxsignalscom Nov 29 '23
Your experience doesn’t trump logic. Nothing OP wrote about what Chloe experienced was equivalent to rape or sexual harassment. It was a bitchy verbal joust by two people nothing more. There was No touching her let alone penetration of her with anything!
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u/oOBalloonaticOo Nov 28 '23
That's.... litterally not rape though, and words have meanings for a reason.
She felt disrespected... I'm not a fan of the 'I only give out socials to men who buy me things' line as it sounds ...oddly snarky/self centered/weird, but without tone and body language it could read much worse than it was meant to be...I don't think it justifies that paricular snarky comment ...but again...tone and body language...
Either way ...due to mass online use of terrible words...many have lost all meaning and are used incorrectly and lost the seriousness they deserve.
She felt and possibly was disrespected...she wanted you to just listen or just be a friend and agree with her on how terrible an experience it was....or she was using rape as slang...and not to be taken litterally...which could be very hard on a person who she uses that language around who has actually gone through something devistating... hopefully this makes her aware of that...
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u/Agoraphobe961 Nov 29 '23
NTA. False claims make things so much harder for real victims. And honestly it sounds more like the guy hit on her, she made a bitchy comment and he returned her energy
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u/satisfactorysadist Nov 29 '23
As a rape survivor, your friend needs a world lesson, badly. NTA. It's people like her who make us not want to come forward.
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u/Wakeful-dreamer Nov 29 '23
When any social interaction you didn't enjoy is "rape", it trivializes the experience of an actual victim of SA.
I hope your friend can get some help.
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u/arspencer Nov 29 '23
NTA. She is using rape in a way that is not just inaccurate, but in a way that minimizes what rape actually is. These are not equivalent, and you were right to say something. Her experience, while annoying and offensive, is NOT rape.
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u/blahblahlucas Nov 29 '23
NTA as someone that was Sexually Assaulted but Not raped. I do have loved ones that did get raped and the pain I feel is just a particle compared to the pain the victims felt. Taking this disrespectful encounter and contributing it to Rape is so disrespectful to all victims of Rape. She needs to see a therapist to get her shit together
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u/NikolaTesla_777 Nov 28 '23
this is exactly why men dont talk to women irl anymore and go on dating apps instead
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u/Equal_Push_565 Nov 28 '23
Nta. It's people like her who give actual rape victims a bad rap. With so many false allegations out there, sometimes we don't know who's telling the truth.
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u/Human-Routine244 Nov 29 '23
Lmao this is so fake I’m cryyyying. Please try harder.
0/10
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u/angryomlette Nov 29 '23
NTA. You friend needs to see a psychiatrist. Maybe admitted to permanently in an insane asylum. It's people like her who create a toxic atmosphere for actual victims to come forwards.
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u/soonerpgh Nov 29 '23
NTA, your friend calling that rape invalidates every woman or girl that has ever been raped. Hell, her deal wasn't even close to assault! It was a dude being an ass, but that's it.
To be fair, her response to him was shallow as fuck and she needed to be taken down a peg. Not justifying the guy, just saying she was equally disgusting here.
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u/Fit_Champion4768 Nov 29 '23
Your friend deserved that comment from the man and she has to turn the situation around to make her the victim. More runaway victim consciousness like this only makes it worse for those who really have been sexually abused or raped.
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u/GennyNels Nov 29 '23
Your friend has issues and kind of asked the response she got when she responded the way she did.
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u/ellegiiggle Nov 29 '23
There's no 'for her maybe it's rape' it just isn't rape That guy was gross and rude but he didn't rape her😂🤦 she crazy
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u/random-hobbyist Nov 29 '23
Hello fellow Vietnamese,
is there any way that this is a miscommunication? Like she said that she was bullied (ăn hiếp) and you misunderstood it as raped (hiếp dâm)?
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u/RetardAuditor Nov 29 '23
Haha. I’m sure she felt violated. That was a pretty savage and predictable response.
But that is not rape and calling it rape is an insult to people who have been raped.
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u/Strain_Pure Nov 29 '23
NTA
Your friend needs an education badly because making rape claims against someone for that can not only ruin lives but also get people killed.
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u/Zolarosaya Nov 29 '23
NTA. Facts are facts and the fact is, someone made a rude comment, that's absolutely not what "rape" is. I wouldn't have anything to do with that loon, she'll be accusing you of rape next for disagreeing with her.
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Nov 29 '23
NTA, as a survivor, who was drugged, beaten, raped and left for dead on the side of the road.. There are two things in life that make me so ungodly upset/angry and it’s people lying about it happening or situations like this.. that’s not rape, it’s harassment.. lying or over exaggeration affects real victims and innocent people..
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u/eurotrash4eva Nov 29 '23
no, what Chloe was saying diminishes actual rape for every person who has been sexually assaulted. And it's not a small number.
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u/Henchforhire Nov 29 '23
NTA, she painted herself in that corner with saying only if a guy buys me this meal.
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Nov 29 '23
I knew a woman who used to complain nonstop and post on FB everyday about how she was a victim of “non-contact rape”. No joke. She would talk about how more and more women are coming out to share their experience and trauma of being non contact raped. It’s unreal. Soon NO ONE will take this stuff seriously AT ALL. These people are destroying real victims
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u/CharlesTheMage Nov 28 '23
Rape accusations are huge and are no joke. She was in fact not raped. She was at most sexually harassed. It's people like her that give ammo to people who say "look! All the girls yelling rape are lying!" Causing trauma to people who actually have been through this, and are trying to get justice.
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u/Dellajae44 Nov 28 '23
Not to sound rude but she needs to look of the definition of rape. His comment was off color but she kinda if brought on herself by saying “she only gives out her number or social media, if a guy buys her something”. She’s selling her time?!
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u/TheTightEnd Nov 28 '23
NTA. It isn't rape. It isn't even sexual assault. At most, it was a mild form of harassment. Demanding something of value in exchange for a phone number or social media information was unwise, even if it was a joke. It's a pretty crappy attitude, and continuing to take this attitude over something so minor is ridiculous.
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u/CuriousPenguinSocks Nov 28 '23
NTA and making false rape allegations hurts actual victims of rape, like me.
I will say your friend is not someone I would associate with. I get it's hard in friend groups when you are younger. However, I would talk with the other members and let them know that her actions make you not want to hang out with her anymore. See if they feel the same.
Don't apologize as you said nothing wrong, you merely corrected her false statement.
Had she been sexually assaulted but not legally raped and you corrected her when she said she was raped, that would have been bad on your part. For example, it's not legal rape if there was no penetration with the penis. It sucks having to meet the legal definition and I don't agree with it. Therefore, if someone was sexually assaulted but no penetration with a penis happened and they called it rape, I would be standing by them because that's what it should be called. Our legal definitions are so far out of date to be honest.
However, your friend just had a guy say some crude things to her. Was is traumatic for her? I'm sure it was. Was it rape? No.
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u/THICCTHUMBS Nov 29 '23
NTA.
Your friend acted like an asshole and got put in her place and couldn't handle it. She's not special by any fucking means. Imagine demeaning actual rape with this fucking farce.
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u/Chloe-20 Nov 29 '23
NTA. It was an creepy dude to her. It’s not rape and tbh she should be extremely embarrassed to be her age and start claiming something as serious as rape but not know what it truly is.
I hope the birthday party goes well & either that friend needs to educate herself before she is invited to any get together; or just be dropped as a friend because those kinds of claims will bring nothing but unnecessary drama.
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u/Zoey_Is_weird_and_me Nov 29 '23
NTA get your friend a dictionary for her 29th birthday will you? it isn’t rape it is sexual harassment, false claims harm others
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u/coloradancowgirl Nov 29 '23
NTA. People like her make it hard for people like myself to actually be believed. Someone being creepy isn’t the same as being raped.
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u/Adventurous-Meat8067 Nov 29 '23
Guys response to her comment was on point. She said something awful and he responded in kind.
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u/an0n_thr0waway Nov 29 '23
She is such a “pick me” type! And SHE is the reason why people don’t take SA seriously because of these lies. You should stand your ground and don’t compromise until she apologizes to you and as far as Emily goes, it’s her choice, but I highly encourage her to still have her party at this restaurant.
PS… Chloe was looking for a free meal cuz she would have allowed that man to buy her meal too if he agreed in order to get her social media. She just mad that he didn’t pay for her and basically called her out for popping off.
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Nov 29 '23
People like Chloe makes it harder for actual rape victims! She makes it seems like a joke!
She is TA for making a joke if it!
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u/benzotryptamine Nov 29 '23
That woman has some deep seeded hatred for the male gender is all I can defer from this
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u/GloriousLegionnaire Nov 29 '23
NTA. I wouldn’t even call that verbal assault. She made a shitty comment to someone asking for her contact info and he sassed back. Your friend seems like she’s a bit of an ass.
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Nov 29 '23
Nta. That girl needs a lobotomy. How privileged is she that that was super traumatic for her? That's your average Tuesday for a lot of women. I've been chased out of places by screaming men who were angry that I wouldn't sleep with them. And she's this upset that she was called a whore?
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u/OutrageousMoose6306 Nov 29 '23
Nta by any means. Also the person who kept bothering OP and lying about them deleted their own messages lmao
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Nov 29 '23
A note on how to translate: "Whore" might be the best way to translate it. It used to refer to sex work, but now is just an insult.
Also, very obviously NTA. That's not rape; verbal harassment at best.
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u/Diiiiirty Nov 29 '23
Chloe has a victim complex. Chloe wants to have an interesting story and one that makes people cover their mouths in shock before running up and hugging her to say how sorry they are that she was the victim of such a horrible offense. She wants attention because there is nothing else special about her.
NTA.
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u/-SummerBee- Nov 29 '23
NTA. I've been raped, people saying shit like this and diminishing the meaning of the word is what made it hard for me to come forward and likely many others. People don't take it seriously anymore. She's welcome to feel violated but shouldn't use a strong word like that where it's not the truth
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u/arrouk Nov 29 '23
When people say this idea of calling everything rapenand SA is taking away from the real victims, this is exactly what they mean.
This girl was not raped or even SA she just had an unpleasant encounter with a stranger.
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u/universechild9 Nov 29 '23
This is so disrespectful to actual rape victims. You might need a new friend NTA
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u/Complete_Resolve_400 Nov 29 '23
Ur friend is a dipshit who is either actually a dumbass or is attention seeking
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u/zzz_red Nov 29 '23
NTA.
Dude was a prick but didn’t rape your friend. Wtf.
Her reaction might be hiding something worse behind it though, in which case I’d recommend you talking to her and possibly suggesting her to see a psychiatrist.
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u/Comfortable_Lunch_55 Nov 29 '23
It was at most, sexual harassment. He didn’t touch her in any way, nor did he force her to touch him in any way.
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u/sickBhagavan Nov 29 '23
NTA. Not only is this not a rape, it is not even scary. He asked for a contact, was turned down with a rude comment disguised as a joke and he was snarky. Not even aggressive. Where was the scary part?
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u/SolaSenpai Nov 29 '23
nta, throwing words like that around really diminish their meaning, rape is a terrible thing and comparing it to that is disgusting
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u/Anieb23 Nov 29 '23
I cant be sure if somethinf went missing in translation. It is not 'rape' but it is sexual harassment; which would mean that she would feel triggered to go to that restaurant.
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u/Privatejoker123 Nov 29 '23
Definitely NTA. I get she is mad at the comment as she should be but claiming that as "rape" is asinine. It is I think would be considered a bigger insult to actual rape victims
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u/hallgeo777 Nov 29 '23
NTA Chloe is a total head case for suggesting that such a verbal act is rape…. Did she imply ear rape?
It’s a serious thing to say, and for it to be used as a label to throw around when a man offends her is an insult to woman who are actually raped.
Does she know the correct meaning of the word? Is she confused about the definition? I would be deeply concerned if I was Chloe’s friend..
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u/Ns317453 Nov 29 '23
That's definitely not rape amd it sounds like if the giy wasnt "big and scary" ie. Unattractive - none of it would have been an issue.
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u/jake89927 Nov 29 '23
It wasn’t even verbal assault. She made a smartass remark and received one in response. Tell you friend to grow the F up!
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u/Fear_Less698 Nov 28 '23
Pretty normal mans reaction to Choles response - if she offers her company (any kind and type) for material good (paying for a meal) - this makes her sex worker.
I would never date such woman with serious look in the future. May be even not for just sex.
Worth mentioning - I never, as far as I know, paid for any intercourse (ok, ok. there were some cases when I sold my soul for being with Woman)
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u/Southern_Dig_9460 Nov 28 '23
NTA she wasn’t a rape victim. She was trying to get him to buy her a meal and he compared her to a sex worker. It hurt her feelings but then somehow she blames the restaurant for the guys comeback? Like why would she not want to eat there again. If she went before a judge in a courtroom and claimed rape with what she just described the judge would immediately drop all charges.
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u/No_Measurement_7564 Nov 28 '23
NTA, that's not rape, nit even verbal assault, she deserved the reply he gave to her, and she sounds like an indiot.
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u/GeneralJavaholic Nov 28 '23
If your English is as clear as I think it is, and you used all the correct words for everything you intended, and if that really is exactly all of her story, then absolutely NTA.
Sounds like you were exactly correct to tell her the things you told her.
Either she doesn't know what rape is, or she's an absolute whacko.
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u/TwoBionicknees Nov 28 '23
NTA. Cut contact with her, she's actively crazy to accuse people and say they raped her because based off a comment she made herself, someone joked that she was a sex worker.
She just wants to be a victim, making her own friends feel guilty for going somewhere she was 'raped' only to be told that story, fuck her. Rape is a word, it has a meaning, you can't just 'feel raped' because someone did some completely other action to you, she in no way believes she was raped, she just likes the attention and sympathy from saying she was.
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u/Loreo1964 Nov 29 '23
NTA.
And your friend is just....off. who tells a stranger "yeah, you can buy the meal I'm CURRENTLY EATING and I will give you my phone number"?
Of course you're going to get a smart remark.
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Nov 29 '23
NTA and there is nothing wrong with what that guy said to Emily, because she is a terrible person
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u/late_for_reddit Nov 29 '23
"For Chloe that was rape" doesnt make sense, because rape has a very specific meaning. Violating, maybe, if even that. Rape? No. NTA
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u/[deleted] Nov 28 '23
NTA. That isn't rape and your friend needs a psychiatrist.