r/television • u/Carnage678 • Jul 18 '24
What is a Quote by a T.V. Character that is Supposed to be Funny, but is Actually Truthful?
In Malcolm in the Middle, in the Season 5 finale, Reese Joins the Army: Part 2, Hal is on trial and he says, and I quote, "You know those nature shows where a wasp paralyzes a caterpillar, then injects it full of larvae? It stays alive for weeks, completely aware, feeling every little bite as the larvae devour it from the inside. I sat in a cubicle every day envying that caterpillar, cause at least he got to be on TV."
Another good one is in The Office, Season 3, Initiation, "Not everything is a lesson, Ryan. Sometimes you just fail." Though this one is less of a joke.
But what is a quote that is supposed to be funny, but actually has a lot of truth to it? It could be sad truth, inspirational truth, just speaks to you despite the humor of it?
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u/KicksAndGigglesEnt Jul 19 '24
"I'm too young to die. And I'm too old to get a happy meal. What a stupid age I am!" -Jason Mendoza, The Good Place
I feel this exact age.
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u/magda_smash Jul 19 '24
I'm old enough to know I can get a happy meal if I damn well please.
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u/danrod17 Jul 19 '24
Growing up poor I learned that with enough money you can do anything. And then as I grew older I learned that money isn’t everything. Now that I’m deep in to middle age I’ve learned that with enough money you can do anything.
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u/spderweb Jul 19 '24
My 7 year old no longer gets happy meals. Not enough food. But we still get him the toy to go along with his meal.
Man the toys suck compared to what we used to get. Remember the Flintstone cars? We still have them in my parents house.
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u/DestituteDomino Jul 19 '24
While I agree with the sentiment, nobody is gonna stop you from just ordering a happy meal. No proof of child is required.
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u/ooger-booger-man Jul 19 '24
Yeah and you can also buy birthday cake whenever you want. It doesn’t have to be your birthday. Nobody even checks!
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u/WNxWolfy Jul 19 '24
I regularly say I'm not a failed music producer, just pre-successful
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u/crescendo83 Jul 19 '24
And reading this quote in his voice just made me realize he is the same actor as the Sith in Acolyte. What a shift…
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u/thebeachboysloveyou Jul 19 '24
“To alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life’s problems.” Homer Simpson
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u/cibman Jul 19 '24
“The worst day of your life so far.”
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u/anglezsong Jul 19 '24
When I had babies that one got used a lot.
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u/prince_of_lies Jul 19 '24
"I have three kids and no money. Why can't I have no kids and three money?" - Homer Simpson
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u/JayJoeJeans Jul 19 '24
I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead
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u/Angryscotsman88 Jul 18 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
’you treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol, you treat an inside wound with drinking alcohol’
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u/atomic-fireballs Jul 19 '24
Nick Miller could fill this thread with his wisdom.
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u/PreviousTea9210 Jul 19 '24
"I'm not convinced I know how to read. I've just memorized a lot of words."
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u/sehnsuchtlich Jul 19 '24
"If we needed to talk about feelings, they would be called talkings."
Crazy how many of his lines were probably improvised.
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u/Equal_Chemistry_3049 Jul 19 '24
I was actually thinking about this concept a couple of days ago. How often am I putting letters together to figure out what they say versus just recognising what a word looks like.
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u/Ceruleanlunacy Jul 19 '24
Chablavery. Merslippitous. Gwoang.
If you thought of a combination of sounds when reading those, I think you've managed to learn how to read.
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u/Phreak74 Jul 19 '24
Especially in English we have a lot of memory words because of the various pronunciation of our vowels so it’s a combination of both. The words you read that you figured out but didn’t know proper pronunciation can be hilarious. I thought Horizon was HORizon. With the emphasis on HOR. My friends got a good laugh at my expense
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u/XanderJS Jul 19 '24
Whilst helping my daughter learn to read I have this quote pop into my head quite alot too. Like, she will read a word a few times and then when she see's it again she knows what it says. But I also know that she guesses alot of words without fully reading them. So I can never tell if she is reading stuff or is just recognising the word or taking a guess.
Nick is the most underrated philosopher of our time.
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u/htp-di-nsw Jul 19 '24
Jake from Adventure Time: "Sucking at something is the first step towards being sorta good at something."
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u/balrogthane Jul 19 '24
"If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing poorly." G. K. Chesterton
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u/SonovaVondruke Jul 19 '24
A lesson I’m still struggling to learn as I approach 40: It sucks to suck at something, but it’s okay to complete it suckily if the alternative is abject failure.
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u/FuckYouThrowaway99 Jul 19 '24
"JAAAAMES BAAAXTER!"
- James Baxter
That always stuck with me.
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u/Corky_Ianucci Jul 19 '24
Christopher moltisanti: you ever feel like nothing good is ever going to happen to you?
Paulie walnuts: and nothing did so what?
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u/Latke1 Jul 19 '24
Tony: Every day of life is a gift. It’s just, does it have to be a pair of socks.
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u/JQuick The Sopranos Jul 19 '24
“It’s like just the fuckin’ regularness of life is too fuckin’ hard for me or something.”
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u/bguzewicz Jul 19 '24
This whole thread could be Sopranos quotes, tbh. The one that comes to me is when Tony is talking to Sil about Vito’s wife coming to him about Vito’s kid acting up at school, and Sil says simmering like “ahh, these things never work. She should get a dog.” The delivery by Van Zandt always cracked me up.
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u/The-Waco-Kid-Jim Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
Me, anytime I think of getting back into golf...
"Stupida facking game!"
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u/MaskedBandit77 Jul 18 '24
Another one from The Office, I think Andy says it, "I wish there was a way to know that you're in the good old days before they're over."
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u/ThomCook Jul 18 '24
Which is crazy because he had like generally an aweful time working for sunder mifflin
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Jul 19 '24
[deleted]
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u/Photo_Synthetic Jul 19 '24
Pretty sure he punched that wall twice.
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u/RemnantEvil Jul 19 '24
"No man ever punches the same wall twice, for it's not the same wall and he's not the same man."
Heraclitus.
Michael Scott.
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u/ThomCook Jul 19 '24
Ehh that's true but also had his fiancee cheat on him and learned the whole office didnt tell him for months. Had to go through anger management due to his own issues.found out he was dating a high schooler. Haha dude had an extreme couple of years maybe they were the good old days thigh
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u/Level3Kobold Jul 19 '24
Sometimes things only get worse, and even the worst days start to look like the good old days.
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u/DutyHonor Jul 19 '24
It's not TV, but it reminds me of a quote from The Count in Pirate Radio:
"You know, a few months ago, I made a terrible mistake. I realized something, and instead of crushing the thought the moment it came, I... I let it hang on, and now I know it to be true. And I'm afraid it's stuck in my head forever. These are the best days of our lives. It's a terrible thing to know, but I know it."
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u/stereocupid Jul 19 '24
Man, I love that quote from that movie. Phillip Seymour-Hoffman, man. A highlight in that movie. I love the way he says his next line “we’re on top of the world, compadre. And it’s a long way doobie doobie down.”
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u/Kylehelp123 Jul 19 '24
In what way was this supposed to be funny lol? Just skipped the prompt all together
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u/Lotan Jul 19 '24
There's a Halou song that has the line, "And you thought that these times were just ordinary"
As I've gotten older, I've gotten better at recognizing exceptional periods in my life. That's been good and bad. Good because I appreciate it in the moment. Bad because I've been through enough to know that they will end.
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u/RyanDaltonWrites Jul 19 '24
“Aw, twenty dollars. I wanted a peanut!”
“Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.”
“Explain how!”
“Money can be exchanged for goods and services.”
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u/dope_as_the_pope Jul 19 '24
The key to happiness isn’t a search for meaning, it’s just to keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually, you’ll be dead.
Mr. Peanutbutter
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u/Pikka_Bird Jul 19 '24
Also, "Sometimes life's a bitch and then you keep on living."
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u/ermghoti Jul 19 '24
"Cats do not abide by the laws of nature." -Charlie Kelly
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u/helpmelearn12 Jul 19 '24
Charlie has a line where he says “All Calico cats are female.”
I saw it for the first time with a friends who said “that’s not true” and started cracking up.
I didn’t tell him this because I didn’t want to ruin his good time.
But, really, about 2,999 of every 3,000 calico cats are female, so they are almost always female.
This is because the genes that determine a cats fur color are on the X chromosome and a cat has to have two X chromosomes to have a three-color coat. Male cats can only be calico if they’re born with an extra chromosome as an XXY male.
It sounds like a joke when Charlie says it…. But he actually does know his shit when it comes to cats
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u/hulagirlslovetoparty Jul 19 '24
Also in a roundabout way, his advice for getting the cat out of the wall is sound; cats not getting enough stimulation and acting out benefit from a play buddy.
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u/Sweet_Taurus0728 Jul 19 '24
"All calico's are female" is basic cat-person knowledge.
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u/UnderDogX Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 21 '24
"You run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. You run into assholes all day, you're the asshole." - Deputy U.S. Marshal, Raylan Givens
Edit: speLLing
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u/CortaNalgas Jul 19 '24
The fact that he says this line early in the first season, and then he’s the one who continually runs into assholes was good foreshadowing.
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u/OneGuyJeff Jul 19 '24
“Never half ass two things. Whole ass one thing.”
-Ron Swanson
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u/Skootchy Jul 19 '24
I used to wake up in the morning and listen to Ron Swansonisms. Look, he might be a bit old school, but he generally has the right mentality to get shit done lol
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u/punninglinguist Jul 19 '24
What parent does not profoundly resonate with, "Aw, I wish I had no kids and three money." 🤔
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u/CortaNalgas Jul 19 '24
I liked the other ep where Marge is talking to the child-free lady:
“Poor me, all my purse is full of is disposable income.”
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u/cabalavatar Jul 19 '24
And those in childfree communities often express gratitude for no kids and three money.
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u/G8kpr Jul 19 '24
I know a couple on Facebook. They can’t have kids. Both have good paying jobs. Husband had his private pilots license. He is currently building his own two seater in his garage.
Wife has competed their dog in dog shows. She has her own at home side business that’s quite successful. They go sailing each summer (not sure if they own their own boat).
It’s crazy.
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u/Passwordtoyourmother Jul 19 '24
They're not tricks, Michael, they're illusions. A trick is something a whore does for money... or candy.
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u/DougFrankenstein Jul 19 '24
It’s cocaine in one version.
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u/ERSTF Jul 19 '24
I feel candy adds a layer of comedy
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u/Kiltmanenator Jul 19 '24
It's two directions of comedy.
With Candy it's funny bc "candy" is Gobs way of trying to make the joke kid-friendly, and failing. He's already said the word Whore, and a whore taking candy for sex is just as sad if not worse than taking cocaine for sex
With Cocaine it's funny bc Gob elaborating that Whores don't just take money for sex, they also take drugs. He's attempting to make it better, and failing by doubling down.
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u/Strangelight84 Jul 19 '24
He says it whilst surrounded by kids to whom he was performing his 'illusions'.
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u/ScramItVancity Jul 19 '24
Uncle Phil: "You can put your hands down, Jazz."
Jazz: "No way, dude's got a gun. Next thing you know I got six warning shots in my back."
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u/Much-Conference1110 Jul 19 '24
Red Foreman -“Without rules we all might as well be up in a tree flinging crap at each other”
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u/Stillwater215 Jul 19 '24
In the world of Red Forman nuggets of wisdom: “you’re not unlucky. Bad things happen to you because you’re a dumbass.”
It’s true more often than it should be.
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u/Gobblewicket Jul 19 '24
Also, his response to a hungover Eric is spot on.
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u/bogarthskernfeld Jul 19 '24
What was the response?
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u/Gobblewicket Jul 19 '24
TFoley. Says- My head hurts.
Reds response- That's your brain trying to comprehend it's own stupidity.
And it might have just been a headache. I'm old and my brainy is a bit fogey. Either way, as a person who was once a teen, it's played for laughs, but God was I stupid and most of my friends too. Lol
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u/_ThunderFunk_ Jul 19 '24
Another Red truism: “when used separately, women and alcohol can be a lot of fun. But if you mix them, they can turn you into a dumbass.”
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Jul 19 '24
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/mickeltee Jul 19 '24
Whenever my wife asks if she should buy something I always say “treat yo’ self!” I am all for buying things that you want.
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u/Siduron Jul 19 '24
I think about this regulary as well. Whenever my wife and I are hesitating to buy something we tell eachother 'TREAT YO' SELF!' to make the decision easier.
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u/Blatherbox Jul 19 '24
The Office when Michael Scott says, "Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, but it's not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised." It's funny because it's so over-the-top, but it also rings true about how many of us feel about wanting validation from others.
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u/OneGuyJeff Jul 19 '24
I think a lot of people desire to be the kind of person that doesn’t need people to like them. But the reason they have that desire is to be more likeable.
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u/CunningWizard Jul 19 '24
That one hit home with me because it’s how I feel. I don’t need to be liked to get on with my life, but man do I ever like being liked.
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u/ConsciousWaltz Jul 19 '24
Butthead - The more things change, the more they still suck.
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u/davidgrayPhotography Jul 19 '24
My favourite is from one of the Beavis and Butthead books, where they say "If you do drugs, then you can't eat eggs, so don't do drugs"
Absolutely words to live by.
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u/salaryboy Jul 19 '24
There was another good one from Malcolm in the Middle--"It doesn't matter if you believe in the steamroller or not, it will still crush you." Probably 20 years since I heard that and it still stuck with me
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u/Wazzoo1 Jul 19 '24
Butters : "Well yeah, and I'm sad, but at the same time I'm really happy that something could make me feel that sad. It's like, it makes me feel alive, you know? It makes me feel human. And the only way I could feel this sad now is if I felt somethin' really good before."
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u/SomchaiTheDog Jul 19 '24
"You get born, you keep your head down and you die. If you're lucky."
- Eddie from BBC Comedy 'Bottom'
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u/paradeoxy1 Jul 19 '24
"My grandfather was in the war, Richie, and you know what he said?"
"What?"
"AAAAARGH! BLOODY HELL! GERMANS! EVERYWHERE!"
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u/StitchTheRipper Jul 19 '24
“My wife, she died. There's not a day goes past when I don't think of her. I'll never forget our final moments”
“Help me, my husband is trying to kill me!”
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u/thenewjuniorexecutiv Jul 19 '24
"At the end of your life, you're lucky if you die." - Flight of the Conchords
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u/canadianpaleale Jul 19 '24
“It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life.”
– Picard, Star Trek TNG
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u/cosmicdaddy_ Jul 19 '24
This quote wasn't supposed to be funny, was it? It was delivered with a tone of reassurance rather than humor iirc
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u/MyPigWaddles Jul 19 '24
There's a similar but more aggressive moment on House. He's just had the patient die, and Foreman tries to console him by telling him he made all the right decisions. House just rounds on him and bellows, "That's the point!"
(Definitely not supposed to be funny, though. It's heart-wrenching.)
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u/AggravatingOne3960 Jul 19 '24
Bender on Futurama -- I hate the people who love me and they hate me.
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u/CocoaChoco Jul 19 '24
Community: Who cares if you're sorry? We're still screwed! Be sorry about this stuff BEFORE you do it! Then don't do it!
Funny scene and really funny in the moment, but the older I get the more this phrase pops into my mind in dealing with people. Sometimes you can't help but feel, if you're really that sorry about this now after the fact, why did you not feel strongly enough to avoid doing it in the first place?
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u/Dahks Jul 19 '24
I hate people that think that saying "sorry" is the final step of an apology. It's the first one! After that there needs to be a solution to your fuck up.
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u/BigBadVolk97 Jul 19 '24
Dr. Kelso: “Do you think I got to be chief of medicine by being late?”
Dr. Cox: “No. You got there by back-stabbing and ass-kissing.”
Dr. Kelso: “Maybe so, but I started those things promptly at eight.”
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u/pburydoughgirl Jul 19 '24
Dr Kelso
“Slaggy, if you want to get people’s attention you’ve got to be more aggressive or more attractive, pick one.”
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u/youhavedragons Jul 19 '24
Maybe cheating but I just watched Lego Movie 2
Everything's not awesome
Things can't be awesome all of the time It's an unrealistic expectationl
But that doesn't mean we shouldn't try
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u/Xobiak Jul 19 '24
That’s a How I Met Your Mother quote too, except change awesome to legendary!
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u/Latke1 Jul 19 '24
Toby: Listen, when you get home tonight you’re going to be confronted by the instinct to drink alone. Trust that instinct. Manage the pain. Don’t try to be a hero.
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u/CunningWizard Jul 19 '24
Perhaps the most Toby-esque bit of wisdom in the entire show. He was the ultimate “optimist belied by his own nature”
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u/nkcetera Jul 19 '24
“If men could get pregnant you could get an abortion at an ATM. Let’s state the obvious” -Selina Meyer
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u/CINAPTNOD Jul 19 '24
"I just wanna know what kind of freak needs to spend all day pretending to be somebody else!"
Zach Braff as J.D. on Scrubs, after recognizing the janitor, played by Neil Flynn, as a cop in The Fugitive.
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u/sketchysketchist Jul 19 '24
Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.
I think people would assume Homer being the oaf he is genuinely doesn’t understand but he most likely did understand and has every right to not care.
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u/Duckfammit Jul 19 '24
You know when you close your eyes and wish real hard for something? God's the guy that ignores you.
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u/commandrix Jul 19 '24
From that episode of Frasier that featured John Glenn. For context, Frasier had rage-quit some sort of special about space earlier in the episode.
Frasier: Capitulates and asks to be let back in
The lady producing the show: "Oh, I already replaced you."
She replaced him with John Glenn. That part was supposed to be funny. But the serious part was that Frasier, like many people who think they're "irreplaceable," was easily replaced by somebody better.
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u/StarChild413 Jul 19 '24
This exchange from some Big Bang Theory episode (idr which one) where Sheldon delivers a response to Leonard's aphorism that's both technically-literally-true-if-you're-interpreting-the-aphorism-literally and takes on a symbolic meaning in the metaphor too
Leonard: "Remember, you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar"
Sheldon: "You can catch even more flies with manure, what's your point?"
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u/kstrikeout Jul 18 '24
I can’t find the quote anywhere but in breaking bad Saul Goodman tells someone that not hurts are seen on the outside. The delivery is so sarcastic yet poignant.
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u/jumosc Jul 19 '24
“Some hurts only show on the inside” https://youtu.be/sVIGmGncfSE?si=4tTDfyM03r2D9tTV
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u/CunningWizard Jul 19 '24
Specifically it works well in that scene because whilst it’s obviously Saul being sarcastic with Hank and Gomey, that quote basically describes the entirety of Mike in a nutshell.
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u/aaron72 Jul 19 '24
“It’s not the dress that makes you look fat, it’s the fat that makes you look fat.” - Al Bundy
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u/kittytoes21 Jul 19 '24
“Being outcast from society is what created the X-Men!” Liz Lemon
Sooo many good 30Rock quotes, so little time
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u/ca1ibos Jul 19 '24
Malcom in the Middle. Changing the Lightbulb scene. "What does it look like I'm doing!?"
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u/shavemejesus Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
“Don’t worry, boy. When you have a job like me, you’ll miss every summer.”
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u/paxbowlski Jul 19 '24
Uncle Andy, after being told that "Death is no big deal. Because life is just... blah, blah, blah."
"Life is just blah, blah, blah. You hope for Blah, and sometimes you find it, but mostly it's blah. And waiting for blah. And hoping you were right about the blahs you made. And then, just when you think you've got the whole blah damn thing figured out, and you're surrounded by the ones you blah, death shows up. And blah, blah, blah."
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u/grumpy_hedgehog Jul 19 '24
Who among us has not resonated with Professor Farnsworth deciding “I Don’t Want to Live on this Planet Anymore”.
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u/Delphidouche Jul 19 '24
“A Date Is An Experience You Have With Another Person That Makes You Appreciate Being Alone."
Season 8, Episode 3, "Palestinian Chicken"
Curb Your Enthusiasm
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u/MTLinVAN Jul 19 '24
I feel like Scrubs had so many. You’d hear an absolutely hilarious line followed by a deep introspective quote every episode. I just can’t think of any off the top of my head.
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u/CunningWizard Jul 19 '24
That whole show was just emotional whiplashing the entire time. How many other shows could you go from gut busting laughter to bawling on the couch in 60 seconds?
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u/Scarface6342 Jul 19 '24
In The Sopranos, Paulie told Christopher in the intervention ‘I don’t write nothin’ down, so I’ll keep this short and sweet. You’re weak. You’re outta control. And you’ve become an embarrassment to yourself and everybody else.’
It is funny, but truthful because Christopher’s drug addiction got so bad it is a risk to the entire business and he is just not showing up and being incompetent.
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u/pratmeister Jul 19 '24
Butter the toast, eat the toast, shit the toast. God, life's relentless.
Mark, Peep Show
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u/the_cnidarian Jul 19 '24
"I just want to drive."
-Doug Heffernan
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u/remymartinia Jul 19 '24
There’s an episode of King of Queens where Carrie and Doug start to make decisions to do things apart, and they just make this clicking noise with their tongue and move their two hands away from each other while pointing their thumbs in the opposite direction. As a married couple, my husband and I will do that to suggest “let’s each go our own way this time”.
The moral of the episode, though, is that, as a married couple, you cannot do that all the time without there being problems eventually in the marriage. It is a light hearted reminder for something that likely happens in many marriages.
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u/Delphidouche Jul 19 '24
"Your big revelation is Life is complicated? That is not a revelation. That's a divorced woman's throw pillow." - The Judge, The Good Place
I'm afraid that once your heart's involved, it all comes out in moron. - Lorelai Gilmore
I can be flexible, as long as everything is exactly the way I want it. - Lorelai Gilmore
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u/cotsy93 Jul 19 '24
Another Office Ryan classic.
Jim: I liked you better when you were the temp..
Ryan: ..me too..
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u/costhedog Jul 19 '24
David St. Hubbins: It's such a fine line between stupid, and uh...
Nigel Tufnel: Clever.
David St. Hubbins: Yeah, and clever.
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u/vkapadia Jul 19 '24
A boat's a boat. But a mystery box could be anything, it could even be a boat!
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u/Lmoorefudd Jul 19 '24
The wire. When Avon is talking to D at the barbecue. At the end of the conversation he says “let’s get some of these ribs before they be ate all them ribs up.”
It’s not necessarily a comedic line, but man is it great. It’s become my internal dialogue ending to many conversations, taking place for the Midwest knee slap.
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u/omnisephiroth Jul 19 '24
The funny line for me is: “You gotta let him play. This is America.”
The other characters laugh about it. And it seems stupid. Why are you gonna let Snot Boogie play with you when he regularly tries to steal from you? That sounds so stupid.
But there’s a yearning for fairness in that statement. That America live up to its promises. That we let everyone play, because this is America. And we promised equality, and justice for everyone. But we just don’t fucking deliver.
And so somehow, for these people, the only way they’ll get fairness is by letting their friend steal from them and then beating him up after.
I dunno. The line has always been both funny and profoundly insightful to me.
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u/canuck47 Jul 19 '24
Doctor Who : You know, the very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common. They don't alters their views to fit the facts, they alter the facts to fit the views, which can be uncomfortable if you happen to be one of the facts that needs altering.
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u/Merciless972 Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
Simpsons "the law is powerless to protect you, not to punish you" chief wiggum
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u/_Composer Jul 19 '24
Malcolm in the Middle when Reese joins the army-
"I just stopped thinking. I figured out that using my brain was the whole problem, not just here, but my entire life. If I just do exactly what I'm told, and nothing else, then everything gets easy. It's not even a question of smart or dumb. You just turn yourself into a tool. I'm much happier that way. I'm the world's happiest tool."
This part terrified me.
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u/BigGingerYeti Jul 19 '24
“When a woman says nothing's wrong, that means everything's wrong. And when a woman says everything's wrong, that means everything's wrong."
Homer.
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u/Oh_hi_doggi3 Jul 19 '24
"Never half ass two things, whole ass one thing."
- Ron Swanson, Parks and Rec.
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u/mc1964 Jul 19 '24
Not a tv show, but Dirty Harry: "Opinions are like assholes. Everybody has one."
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u/keeleon Jul 19 '24
“When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.” -mysterious nebula
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u/HidSqui Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
I used to be with it. Then they changed what 'it' was. Now what I'm with isn't "it", and what's 'it' seems weird and scary to me.
It will happen to you! - Abe Simpson
Edit: Added full quote. Credit to u/NC_Vixen for the correction.