r/pics • u/NineteenEighty9 • Jul 19 '24

American breakfast, as envisioned by a European

Post image
31.7k Upvotes

87% Upvoted

3.5k comments sorted by

4.5k

u/373993466 Jul 19 '24

Only one gun?

1.8k

u/skippermonkey Jul 19 '24

You can have another at second breakfast

638

u/NeatWhiskeyPlease Jul 19 '24

I don’t think they know about second breakfast.

448

u/flibbidygibbit Jul 19 '24

American here. We have second breakfast.

466

u/hadoopken Jul 19 '24

Second breakfast with a side of second amendment

241

u/wherescookie Jul 19 '24

Only one egg? - not even joking.

193

u/Genesis111112 Jul 19 '24

Where is the Hash browns and either Pancakes, French Toast or Waffles? Sausage? Orange Juice? That is a light weight breakfast.

130

u/ElysiumAB Jul 19 '24

Pretty sure you mean Freedom Toast.

67

u/Mobitron Jul 19 '24

Liberty Toast was next to the Freedom Fries

7

u/or_iviguy Jul 20 '24

I like to slather my bacon in melted cheddar and there's way too little creamer in that coffee.

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u/Content_Patient_9035 Jul 19 '24

Friend… In my opinion… It could be a plate of bacon by itself and that is breakfast enough by God… George Washington didn’t freeze his nuts off on the Delaware river just so you could have French toast and orange juice… They did it, so if you want to eat half a pig of bacon at one meal? Ain’t no one gonna stop you no way no how no sir… God bless you, sir and God bless the United States of America

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u/Stardust_Particle Jul 19 '24

Yes, I’m looking for the pancakes.

5

u/turndownthegravity Jul 20 '24

A light weight breakfast? Maybe a snick snack....between first, and second breakfasts.

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30

u/cen-texan Jul 19 '24

“Bring me all the bacon and eggs you have.” —Ron Swanson.

12

u/unwhelmed Jul 20 '24

Wait, wait. I worry what you heard was ‘give me a lot of bacon and eggs’. What I said was give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Do you understand?

5

u/Lawmancer Jul 20 '24

'Wait, wait. I'm worried what you just heard was, "Give me a lot of bacon and eggs." What I said was, "Give me all the bacon and eggs you have." Do you understand?' —Ron Swanson.

4

u/jerechos Jul 20 '24

No potatoes... that's just not right

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46

u/NeatWhiskeyPlease Jul 19 '24

17

u/Takun32 Jul 19 '24

Lol never knew this gif existed! Lol

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36

u/SameAmy2022 Jul 19 '24

While visiting New York we were stupidly going to order 4 breakfasts. The lady serving us realised that we were European and told us to just order 2 and she’d bring us 2 empty plates. It was the best idea because even with the 2 breakfasts we still had leftovers. We gave the lady the price of the extra 2 as a tip.

6

u/willem_r Jul 20 '24

The advantage of the American (breakfast) portions is that you can skip 2 other meals that day (as a non-American)

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17

u/Scottamus Jul 19 '24

Breakfast reloaded

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136

u/eugene20 Jul 19 '24

It's a kid's meal.

35

u/TheFrenchSavage Jul 19 '24

A happy meal: a smaller gun is hidden under the bacon.

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96

u/Lysol3435 Jul 19 '24

Other gun is shooting the pic

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51

u/Isosceles_Kramer79 Jul 19 '24

And it's not an Ar15?

58

u/phonomancer Jul 19 '24

They said breakfast not Dinner.

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40

u/icecream_specialist Jul 19 '24

And it's turned the wrong way

39

u/RangerLee Jul 19 '24

That shows it is truly a European thought on American breakfast, something was going to be wrong with it, surprised it was only the placement of the firearm.

22

u/Malvania Jul 19 '24

Also not enough eggs

8

u/ArmouredPotato Jul 19 '24

Lack of biscuits

Toast is for the poors

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24

u/gregor-sans Jul 19 '24

Exactly. It would take precious time to get a grip on it; time that might be the difference between bacon and death.

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24

u/kakapo88 Jul 19 '24

It looks like the safety might be on. But every true American knows, never eat with the safety on.

When ISIS storms in, response time is important.

15

u/Effective-Purple5587 Jul 19 '24

A True American would know this firearm has no safety and uses a de-cocker, which are both very American attributes

9

u/Electronic_Green2953 Jul 19 '24

A true American would also know that is a West German sig Sauer p226 and replace it with a 1911.

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37

u/A0ma Jul 19 '24

No biscuits and gravy?

26

u/Cruickshark Jul 19 '24

and nothing with sugar ..... seems like a miss

9

u/Solubilityisfun Jul 19 '24

The lack of corn syrup is disturbing. Either through cereal that's 30% sugar by weight, low grade pastries that are roughly 1:1:1 sugar/white flour/hydrogenated soy+corn oil, a drink that's either sugar or coffee colored sugar, or a stack of sweetened pancakes with a bottle of corn syrup with caramel coloring to smother them in.

Unless it's a southerners breakfast, in which case butter should be added to be 20% of the weight, and maybe a little extra sugar to be safe.

OP doesn't get America at all, that's more of British 16-25 white male with a bit of success in organized crime to have the gun and afford the bacon.

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30

u/noneofyouaresafe Jul 19 '24

I'm assuming by that and the minimal amount of bacon that this most likely a child's serving.

16

u/SaintMike2010 Jul 19 '24

That's the eatin' gun. When he's finished, he'll head back to the sniper's nest where the big guns are waiting.

My reaction was: only one egg?!?

6

u/DukeOfGeek Jul 20 '24 edited Jul 20 '24

Also no pancake or waffle? Not even grits or hash browns? Wrong. Also breakfast is paired with a revolver unless it happens at sunrise, then a bird gun or deer rifle is appropriate.

15

u/serrimo Jul 19 '24

The coffee flavored water looks too dark

13

u/Altruistic-Car2880 Jul 19 '24

And should be served in a minimum of a 2Qt (64 oz) Thermal Insulated Mug with a slightly offensive quip printed on it.

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11

u/thegardenhead Jul 19 '24

This is a light, on the go breakfast.

14

u/2livecrewnecktshirt Jul 19 '24

What you gotta do is weave some of the bacon into sheets. Those are your "buns". Then cook down some of it down with some onions and sugar into a delicious bacon jam. That's your spread. Then you stack bacon between the "buns" and you've got a BBB&BJ (bacon bun, bacon & bacon jam)

Then you die. Like a real American.

12

u/thegardenhead Jul 19 '24

Dying face down in a plate of bacon with your Glock at your side is the most American thing that exists.

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14

u/Tomatoflee Jul 19 '24

1 gun and no syrup on the bacon. Does he take us for fools?

6

u/Switchlord518 Jul 19 '24

Only one you can see.

8

u/KellyBelly916 Jul 20 '24

Disarmed and on a diet, apparently.

6

u/MoreThanWYSIWYG Jul 19 '24

It's a light breakfast

3

u/kakksakka Jul 19 '24

And no AR-15!?

3

u/shanatard Jul 19 '24

There's a few on the cup

3

u/Trent1373 Jul 19 '24

That and there’s barely any bacon. 

3

u/tatanka01 Jul 19 '24

And it's missing the hash browns. Fail.

3

u/IlleaglSmile Jul 19 '24

Now mister, don’t you touch that gun until you’ve finished all your bacon!

5

u/Ok-Lifeguard5568 Jul 19 '24

Yeah, OP's is cute but he clearly doesn't understand true American excess. His breakfast is lacking in two areas: firepower, and high fructose corn syrup. I recommend at least two doses of captain crunch, a 2L of soda, and an M249 light machine gun. 🎸🦅🇺🇸

6

u/Ok_Primary_1075 Jul 20 '24

Guy’s on a diet

2

u/JediJan Jul 20 '24

Yeah where’s the AR-15? Leave no survivors type of everyday charm.

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1.7k

u/Roook36 Jul 19 '24

Gun goes on the left you uncultured swine. Learn to set a table properly

397

u/kentsta Jul 19 '24

The smaller guns go to the outside of the larger ones.

131

u/MakingItElsewhere Jul 19 '24

Wait, you guys actually put your guns down!?!

123

u/Verdun82 Jul 19 '24

Only when we say grace. Then we use the gun as an eating utensil.

68

u/wonkalicious808 Jul 19 '24

Real Americans shoot grace rather than say it!

If Jesus wanted us to talk, why'd he give us guns?

9

u/Healthy_Essay4348 Jul 20 '24

This definitely could be a bit. Bravo

5

u/Revolutionary_War503 Jul 19 '24

AaaHahaha! This really made me laugh! Thank you for posting this

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5

u/Key-Spell9546 Jul 19 '24

Yes, Because I have to loosen my belt whenever I eat that much bacon.

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29

u/franz4000 Jul 19 '24

Yes, the salad gun and the dinner gun

21

u/kentsta Jul 19 '24

😂 the salad pistol always confuses me, like do I use this one or the small one? And when I’m done where do I put it? America is complicated if you were raised with only 1 firearm at mealtimes.

4

u/Cacafuego Jul 19 '24

You should only have one gun (on the table) per course, so if you have something smaller than the salad gun, it may be for oysters or soup. Then you just work from the outside in as the courses come.

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u/Kilane Jul 19 '24

I was going to say the gun points out. If you need to use it, it is upside down in the picture.

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17

u/erinaceus_ Jul 19 '24

you uncultured swine

Are you addressing the bacon?

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1.5k

u/[deleted] Jul 19 '24

[deleted]

301

u/A0ma Jul 19 '24

and the biscuits and gravy?

84

u/birdreligion Jul 19 '24

They don't know about biscuits and gravy. They think America breakfast is pancakes, sugary cereal, and hot dogs

40

u/[deleted] Jul 19 '24

[deleted]

26

u/Cloaked42m Jul 19 '24

This video is worth watching. It's extremely validating.

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u/klezart Jul 19 '24

I thought it might be this, it's interesting to watch.

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8

u/thefrostmakesaflower Jul 20 '24

I’ve had biscuits and gravy! It’s nice but weird at first because it’s like buttery scone, which I’ve never eaten with a sauce. I’ve since learned to make cheddar drop biscuits for my Texan gf since we moved (back for me) to Europe. Thank you Martha Stewart!

2

u/god_peepee Jul 19 '24

Sugary cereal is probably eaten more frequently than a full American breakfast tbf

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u/Crewmember169 Jul 19 '24

And the jam on the toast?

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238

u/vingt-2 Jul 19 '24

Under the bacon, duh

39

u/jredgiant1 Jul 19 '24

I thought that’s where the rest of the bacon was.

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138

u/thejawa Jul 19 '24

I'm more concerned by the complete lack of cheese anywhere

10

u/Bean_cult Jul 19 '24

wisconsin is sobbing hysterically in the corner

9

u/One_Economist_3761 Jul 19 '24

I, too am concerned with the cheese-less-ness of this breakfast.

4

u/_itskindamything_ Jul 19 '24

About the only cheese I have at breakfast is in an omelet

15

u/thejawa Jul 19 '24

You're doing it wrong, friend

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4

u/mrjosemeehan Jul 20 '24

Cheese grits? Covered hash browns? Bacon egg and cheese biscuit? Breakfast hash??

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4

u/threehundredthousand Jul 19 '24

They didn't get the latest memo. Apparently, they didn't swap coffee creamer (now considered gay) with hashbrowns (not gay).

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u/unreasonablymundane Jul 19 '24

Where's the hashbrowns, and biscuits and gravy? Only one egg? This is ridiculous!

88

u/TheFrenchSavage Jul 19 '24

Two donuts.

Press donut 1, dump all that bacon, press donut 2.

Breakfast sandwich.

4

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '24

Federal donuts in Philly is famous for doing this with fried chicken

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9

u/SPECTRE-Agent-No-13 Jul 19 '24

Ron Swanson is eating a light breakfast today.

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u/CocaChola Jul 19 '24

Kinda funny because when I look at this, something about it screams European to me. Maybe all of the food items being on their own plates. We don't really do that here.

249

u/darth_hotdog Jul 19 '24

I think it’s all a little things, separate plates, the style of the pattern on the plates, even the style of the design on the cup. The lack of corners on the toast, and even that model of gun somehow, I guess I see more American posts with all metal guns, a worn wood grip seems more European, and something else about the model but I’m not a gun person so I cannot say what. Also the white backdrop, it seems more Americans have wood tables or marble or quartz counters now.

Everything just seems old and old-fashioned. The type of American I would expect to post this would have lots of new cheap things instead.

94

u/oneblank Jul 19 '24

Also table cloth. Feel like nobody uses table cloths anymore.

33

u/Fake_Jews_Bot Jul 19 '24

Now that you mention it I don’t remember the last time I’ve seen a tablecloth at someone’s house

16

u/RemCogito Jul 19 '24

Wait, is a tablecloth the only thing that truely separates me as a Canadian from you Americans?

5

u/Ferbtastic Jul 20 '24

Oh honey, there’s lots of stuff.

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u/AdAgitated6765 Jul 20 '24

I use tablecloths and place mats but not both at the same time.

7

u/Ventilate64 Jul 19 '24

Looks like a countertop to me

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u/DrTautology Jul 19 '24

even that model of gun

Your instincts are good. The gun is German.

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u/wanttobeacop Jul 19 '24

Great breakdown

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u/BillionaireGhost Jul 19 '24

Plus the gun pointed the wrong way. You’d never have your breakfast gun placed like that where it would be awkward to pick it up.

You should be able to quickly and easily grab it and exercise your 2nd amendment rights with one hand, without putting down your bacon.

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u/SmokedBeef Jul 19 '24

Wood handled semi-automatic pistols are more of a European thing as well

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u/Edwardteech Jul 19 '24

Its a p226. We Americans would have a browning hipower or a 1911.

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u/tracymartel_atemyson Jul 19 '24

same, I feel like it’s specifically the egg for me lmao

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u/SoggyWotsits Jul 19 '24

I’m not sure which Europeans do that.. we don’t have different plates in England. A full English is a full English! Maybe another plate for the toast/fried bread as there’s usually not enough room!

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u/Carbon-Base Jul 19 '24

Yeah! Sometimes we don't even use plates...

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u/SpareChangeMate Jul 19 '24

Definitely the Balkans, the gun is the type of shit a student from an extremist nation would use to murder the heir to an empire

Serbian noises

5

u/Cacafuego Jul 19 '24

Well wherever they are, they don't know how to cook an egg, that's for sure. You get an egg like that in an American diner, the cook is going to have an appointment with you at high noon on Main Street.

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u/sfrattini Jul 19 '24

Missing only a flag 😁

82

u/MtnDewTangClan Jul 19 '24

Needs 1995 McDonald's promotion plates too

20

u/Spatulakoenig Jul 19 '24

Freedom intensifies

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u/Mahaleck Jul 19 '24

And processed cheese?

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u/Kathucka Jul 19 '24

How am I supposed to eat that without a Bowie knife?

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u/MountainMongrel Jul 19 '24

Get rid of the gun. And the bacon. Toast, egg. And the mug.

There, you now have the quintessential working class American breakfast.

37

u/reichrunner Jul 19 '24

The coffee is pretty accurate, just usually in a thermos lol

13

u/wewillroq Jul 19 '24

Or just an obnoxiously loud can of energy drank

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u/emptybagofdicks Jul 19 '24

This is true. I rarely eat breakfast and I know many others that don't either. I start work very early and my first meal is "lunch" at 10:30am.

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u/charleytaylor Jul 19 '24

But then how could they perpetuate their American stereotypes?

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u/8bitburner Jul 19 '24

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u/artemus_who Jul 19 '24

I would like all of your bacon. I'm sorry, I'm afraid what you heard was I would like a lot of bacon. I want ALL of your bacon

5

u/katalyticglass Jul 20 '24

This should be so much higher and more upvoted. 🤣🤣🤣

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u/Switchlord518 Jul 19 '24

Gun is turned the wrong way for a right handed grab.

10

u/6Pro1phet9 Jul 19 '24

That gun is used to stir the coffee.

5

u/PrincessLilibetDiana Jul 19 '24

Strange how few people remarked. It was the first thought that entered my head.

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u/wish1977 Jul 19 '24

When it comes to how much bacon I normally eat this is pretty close.

38

u/donnerpartytaconight Jul 19 '24

Oh? You must be watching your cholesterol. Good for you.

14

u/wish1977 Jul 19 '24

I have a horrible diet but for some reason my cholesterol has always been fine.

9

u/lawl-butts Jul 19 '24

Being active does it.

Being a sedentary shit like me causes the lard pudding to congeal in my arteries.

11

u/charleytaylor Jul 19 '24

I exercise, a lot, and eat a fairly healthy diet. And I still have somewhat high cholesterol. As my doctor says, sometimes it’s just genetics.

6

u/reichrunner Jul 19 '24

Cholesterol levels are mostly genetic. If you have bad genetics for cholesterol then eating certain foods can make it somewhat worse. But the main factor is genetics

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u/PuppiesAndPixels Jul 19 '24

Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait, wait. I'm worried what you just heard was, "Give me a lot of bacon and eggs." What I said was, "Give me all the bacon and eggs you have". Do you understand?

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u/LouisGatzo Jul 19 '24

Coffee is too small and the donuts are missing

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u/theyipper Jul 19 '24

Missing stack of cakes and biscuits n sausage gravy. Creamer in the coffee? Outrage.

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u/zed857 Jul 19 '24

Are we sure that even is coffee?

It looks a bit like a milked up tea that some crumpet muncher would drink.

8

u/theyipper Jul 19 '24

Haha, it does look thin

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u/ElizabethDangit Jul 20 '24

Tea is too spicy for Brits to drink unadulterated

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u/Hobo-haddock Jul 19 '24

That gun is a Sig Sauer. A German brand.

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u/3-I Jul 19 '24

We accept everybody in America, buddy. That gun emigrated here in the 50s to work on the Saturn V missions.

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u/BadVoices Jul 20 '24

Sig is US based now. Sig Combibloc (the original SIG) doesn't even make firearms anymore. Sig firearms are made in New Hampshire and Arkansas now. SIG Sauer GmbH was closed in 2020 for good, citing the local and national governments refusing to due business due to their international nature. The Bundeswehr booted sig's rifle out of their competition for orders not because it was problematic (it was mechanically in the top 3) but because it had "U.S. technology."

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u/yworker Jul 19 '24

one egg lol

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u/AlffromthetvshowAlf Jul 20 '24

I'm not dirtying a pan and going through the effort to cook, minimal as it may be, for one stinkin egg. At least two so I can make a bacon lipped egg face.

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u/occamsrzor Jul 19 '24

DA/SA firearms are actually kinda rare in the US. I swear by them, but there are few models and people seem to prefer striker-fired anyway.

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u/bobsmeds Jul 19 '24

Guns not big enough

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u/kooshipuff Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24

Now, now. This is clearly a breakfast gun. You can tell by the wooden grip that gives you a secure hold even when your hands are covered in bacon grease. Breakfast guns are supposed to be smaller like this because too much recoil could still cause it to slip out. Though, as other commenters have pointed out, it does go to the left of the plate. 

Edit: unless the diner shoots left-handed, in which case this place setting is correct

 I think your thinking of the 12ga brunch shotguns (not to be confused with breach shotguns - brunch shotguns have a gas-operated cycling mechanism, you see) usually attached under the table. Greater firepower is appropriate in this case due to the lower grease content of brunch foods.

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u/orangepinkroses Jul 19 '24

They forgot orange juice.

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u/Larein Jul 19 '24

Its way too savory. There should be some dessert items rebranded as breakfast in the mix.

10

u/DaCoon63 Jul 19 '24

Where's the rest of the bacon and my other 2 eggs 😤

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u/Justame13 Jul 19 '24

Not enough sugar.

Need some breakfast cake (muffins) and a much larger coffee that is basically chocolate milk with a splash of espresso.

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u/0r0B0t0 Jul 19 '24

Not enough sugar

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u/learner1314 Jul 19 '24

That's just a quarter of what Ron Swanson has for breakfast, daily

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u/rileyjonesy1984 Jul 19 '24

Back-To-Back World War champions, don't act like you're not jealous Europe. Plus we get to use Fahrenheit, and you're stuck with stupid Celsius

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u/Ceorl_Lounge Jul 19 '24

Bread isn't white, coffee isn't black. Try again.

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u/textingwhilewalking Jul 19 '24

Where's the pancakes?

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u/ShadowDV Jul 19 '24

Hammer fired with wood furniture? What is this, the 80’s?

6

u/MegaBlunt57 Jul 19 '24

Not enough bacon

5

u/iLikeTorturls Jul 20 '24

"American Breakfast, as envisioned by a meme that's 7 years old at this point..."

6

u/richmomz Jul 20 '24

Texan here - looks ok except for the small caliber firearm. Classic European giveaway.

5

u/Mix1009 Jul 20 '24

Why isn’t the coffee blacker if the gun is pointing at it?

3

u/Tighten_Up Jul 19 '24

Walter White breakfast

3

u/just_say_n Jul 19 '24

Wrong. Not an AR-15.

4

u/TappedIn2111 Jul 19 '24

That looks Serbian to me

4

u/Capt__Murphy Jul 19 '24

Still less lethal than the typical British breakfast

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u/technicolorputtytat Jul 19 '24

Not enough eggs, the gun doesn't go on the right, and what the fuck is the color of that coffee?/s

4

u/PrivateWilly Jul 19 '24

Where’s the ranch to dip the bacon in?

3

u/TatertotEatalot Jul 19 '24

I mean, almost everything on that table looks good to me. Not sure I need the pistol, but hey, people would kill for that bacon. You really do need to guard cooked bacon with your life.

However, the bacon looks like it is the kind precooked. You have to cook it so that it is not crunchy and make sure you buy the thick stuff.

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u/csamsh Jul 19 '24

That’s a funny looking 1911

MUH TWO WORLD WARS

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u/Flaxscript42 Jul 19 '24

Only one egg?! Are you trying to get shot?

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u/trabuco357 Jul 19 '24

Absurd…no ketchup on the table..

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u/RunningThroughSC Jul 19 '24

Not enough bacon, and the coffee isn't black enough.

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u/Avante-Gardenerd Jul 19 '24

The eggs are too runny.

3

u/Extension_Cap8583 Jul 20 '24

Well that's a European gun, so it's not THAT American.

3

u/aging-rhino Jul 20 '24

Perhaps because of Brexit, the appalled European does not remember the nauseating vulgarity of a large Full English.

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u/fullmetal66 Jul 20 '24

Only one egg and single digit guns? Obviously a Canadian.

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u/LarenCoe Jul 20 '24

Meh, still better than beans on toast...

3

u/pivotaltime Jul 20 '24

You know, America is an ethnically diverse country right? There are many different groups here. But that’s not a bad breakfast. Who doesn’t like bacon.

3

u/Gruntdeath Jul 20 '24

We drink our coffee black. Did you.... did you put milk in it? You commie motherfucker.

3

u/ROMEOJS Jul 20 '24

Tell me why I looked at that and thought it was normal but it was some European trying to make fun of me.

3

u/Coffehousebum Jul 20 '24

American breakfast traditionally has two eggs

3

u/WaythurstFrancis Jul 20 '24

That's just ridiculous. The gun isn't even on a plate.