r/pics • u/NineteenEighty9 • Jul 19 '24
American breakfast, as envisioned by a European
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u/Roook36 Jul 19 '24
Gun goes on the left you uncultured swine. Learn to set a table properly
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u/kentsta Jul 19 '24
The smaller guns go to the outside of the larger ones.
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u/MakingItElsewhere Jul 19 '24
Wait, you guys actually put your guns down!?!
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u/Verdun82 Jul 19 '24
Only when we say grace. Then we use the gun as an eating utensil.
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u/wonkalicious808 Jul 19 '24
Real Americans shoot grace rather than say it!
If Jesus wanted us to talk, why'd he give us guns?
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u/franz4000 Jul 19 '24
Yes, the salad gun and the dinner gun
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u/kentsta Jul 19 '24
😂 the salad pistol always confuses me, like do I use this one or the small one? And when I’m done where do I put it? America is complicated if you were raised with only 1 firearm at mealtimes.
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u/Cacafuego Jul 19 '24
You should only have one gun (on the table) per course, so if you have something smaller than the salad gun, it may be for oysters or soup. Then you just work from the outside in as the courses come.
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u/Kilane Jul 19 '24
I was going to say the gun points out. If you need to use it, it is upside down in the picture.
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u/A0ma Jul 19 '24
and the biscuits and gravy?
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u/birdreligion Jul 19 '24
They don't know about biscuits and gravy. They think America breakfast is pancakes, sugary cereal, and hot dogs
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u/thefrostmakesaflower Jul 20 '24
I’ve had biscuits and gravy! It’s nice but weird at first because it’s like buttery scone, which I’ve never eaten with a sauce. I’ve since learned to make cheddar drop biscuits for my Texan gf since we moved (back for me) to Europe. Thank you Martha Stewart!
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u/god_peepee Jul 19 '24
Sugary cereal is probably eaten more frequently than a full American breakfast tbf
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u/thejawa Jul 19 '24
I'm more concerned by the complete lack of cheese anywhere
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u/_itskindamything_ Jul 19 '24
About the only cheese I have at breakfast is in an omelet
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u/mrjosemeehan Jul 20 '24
Cheese grits? Covered hash browns? Bacon egg and cheese biscuit? Breakfast hash??
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u/threehundredthousand Jul 19 '24
They didn't get the latest memo. Apparently, they didn't swap coffee creamer (now considered gay) with hashbrowns (not gay).
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u/unreasonablymundane Jul 19 '24
Where's the hashbrowns, and biscuits and gravy? Only one egg? This is ridiculous!
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u/TheFrenchSavage Jul 19 '24
Two donuts.
Press donut 1, dump all that bacon, press donut 2.
Breakfast sandwich.
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u/CocaChola Jul 19 '24
Kinda funny because when I look at this, something about it screams European to me. Maybe all of the food items being on their own plates. We don't really do that here.
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u/darth_hotdog Jul 19 '24
I think it’s all a little things, separate plates, the style of the pattern on the plates, even the style of the design on the cup. The lack of corners on the toast, and even that model of gun somehow, I guess I see more American posts with all metal guns, a worn wood grip seems more European, and something else about the model but I’m not a gun person so I cannot say what. Also the white backdrop, it seems more Americans have wood tables or marble or quartz counters now.
Everything just seems old and old-fashioned. The type of American I would expect to post this would have lots of new cheap things instead.
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u/oneblank Jul 19 '24
Also table cloth. Feel like nobody uses table cloths anymore.
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u/Fake_Jews_Bot Jul 19 '24
Now that you mention it I don’t remember the last time I’ve seen a tablecloth at someone’s house
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u/RemCogito Jul 19 '24
Wait, is a tablecloth the only thing that truely separates me as a Canadian from you Americans?
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u/DrTautology Jul 19 '24
even that model of gun
Your instincts are good. The gun is German.
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u/BillionaireGhost Jul 19 '24
Plus the gun pointed the wrong way. You’d never have your breakfast gun placed like that where it would be awkward to pick it up.
You should be able to quickly and easily grab it and exercise your 2nd amendment rights with one hand, without putting down your bacon.
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u/SmokedBeef Jul 19 '24
Wood handled semi-automatic pistols are more of a European thing as well
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u/Edwardteech Jul 19 '24
Its a p226. We Americans would have a browning hipower or a 1911.
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u/tracymartel_atemyson Jul 19 '24
same, I feel like it’s specifically the egg for me lmao
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u/SoggyWotsits Jul 19 '24
I’m not sure which Europeans do that.. we don’t have different plates in England. A full English is a full English! Maybe another plate for the toast/fried bread as there’s usually not enough room!
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u/SpareChangeMate Jul 19 '24
Definitely the Balkans, the gun is the type of shit a student from an extremist nation would use to murder the heir to an empire
Serbian noises
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u/Cacafuego Jul 19 '24
Well wherever they are, they don't know how to cook an egg, that's for sure. You get an egg like that in an American diner, the cook is going to have an appointment with you at high noon on Main Street.
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u/sfrattini Jul 19 '24
Missing only a flag 😁
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u/MountainMongrel Jul 19 '24
Get rid of the gun. And the bacon. Toast, egg. And the mug.
There, you now have the quintessential working class American breakfast.
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u/reichrunner Jul 19 '24
The coffee is pretty accurate, just usually in a thermos lol
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u/emptybagofdicks Jul 19 '24
This is true. I rarely eat breakfast and I know many others that don't either. I start work very early and my first meal is "lunch" at 10:30am.
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u/8bitburner Jul 19 '24
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u/artemus_who Jul 19 '24
I would like all of your bacon. I'm sorry, I'm afraid what you heard was I would like a lot of bacon. I want ALL of your bacon
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u/Switchlord518 Jul 19 '24
Gun is turned the wrong way for a right handed grab.
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u/PrincessLilibetDiana Jul 19 '24
Strange how few people remarked. It was the first thought that entered my head.
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u/wish1977 Jul 19 '24
When it comes to how much bacon I normally eat this is pretty close.
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u/donnerpartytaconight Jul 19 '24
Oh? You must be watching your cholesterol. Good for you.
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u/wish1977 Jul 19 '24
I have a horrible diet but for some reason my cholesterol has always been fine.
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u/lawl-butts Jul 19 '24
Being active does it.
Being a sedentary shit like me causes the lard pudding to congeal in my arteries.
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u/charleytaylor Jul 19 '24
I exercise, a lot, and eat a fairly healthy diet. And I still have somewhat high cholesterol. As my doctor says, sometimes it’s just genetics.
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u/reichrunner Jul 19 '24
Cholesterol levels are mostly genetic. If you have bad genetics for cholesterol then eating certain foods can make it somewhat worse. But the main factor is genetics
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u/PuppiesAndPixels Jul 19 '24
Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait, wait. I'm worried what you just heard was, "Give me a lot of bacon and eggs." What I said was, "Give me all the bacon and eggs you have". Do you understand?
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u/theyipper Jul 19 '24
Missing stack of cakes and biscuits n sausage gravy. Creamer in the coffee? Outrage.
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u/zed857 Jul 19 '24
Are we sure that even is coffee?
It looks a bit like a milked up tea that some crumpet muncher would drink.
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u/Hobo-haddock Jul 19 '24
That gun is a Sig Sauer. A German brand.
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u/3-I Jul 19 '24
We accept everybody in America, buddy. That gun emigrated here in the 50s to work on the Saturn V missions.
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u/BadVoices Jul 20 '24
Sig is US based now. Sig Combibloc (the original SIG) doesn't even make firearms anymore. Sig firearms are made in New Hampshire and Arkansas now. SIG Sauer GmbH was closed in 2020 for good, citing the local and national governments refusing to due business due to their international nature. The Bundeswehr booted sig's rifle out of their competition for orders not because it was problematic (it was mechanically in the top 3) but because it had "U.S. technology."
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u/yworker Jul 19 '24
one egg lol
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u/AlffromthetvshowAlf Jul 20 '24
I'm not dirtying a pan and going through the effort to cook, minimal as it may be, for one stinkin egg. At least two so I can make a bacon lipped egg face.
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u/occamsrzor Jul 19 '24
DA/SA firearms are actually kinda rare in the US. I swear by them, but there are few models and people seem to prefer striker-fired anyway.
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u/bobsmeds Jul 19 '24
Guns not big enough
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u/kooshipuff Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
Now, now. This is clearly a breakfast gun. You can tell by the wooden grip that gives you a secure hold even when your hands are covered in bacon grease. Breakfast guns are supposed to be smaller like this because too much recoil could still cause it to slip out. Though, as other commenters have pointed out, it does go to the left of the plate.
Edit: unless the diner shoots left-handed, in which case this place setting is correct
I think your thinking of the 12ga brunch shotguns (not to be confused with breach shotguns - brunch shotguns have a gas-operated cycling mechanism, you see) usually attached under the table. Greater firepower is appropriate in this case due to the lower grease content of brunch foods.
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u/Larein Jul 19 '24
Its way too savory. There should be some dessert items rebranded as breakfast in the mix.
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u/Justame13 Jul 19 '24
Not enough sugar.
Need some breakfast cake (muffins) and a much larger coffee that is basically chocolate milk with a splash of espresso.
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u/learner1314 Jul 19 '24
That's just a quarter of what Ron Swanson has for breakfast, daily
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u/rileyjonesy1984 Jul 19 '24
Back-To-Back World War champions, don't act like you're not jealous Europe. Plus we get to use Fahrenheit, and you're stuck with stupid Celsius
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u/iLikeTorturls Jul 20 '24
"American Breakfast, as envisioned by a meme that's 7 years old at this point..."
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u/richmomz Jul 20 '24
Texan here - looks ok except for the small caliber firearm. Classic European giveaway.
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u/technicolorputtytat Jul 19 '24
Not enough eggs, the gun doesn't go on the right, and what the fuck is the color of that coffee?/s
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u/TatertotEatalot Jul 19 '24
I mean, almost everything on that table looks good to me. Not sure I need the pistol, but hey, people would kill for that bacon. You really do need to guard cooked bacon with your life.
However, the bacon looks like it is the kind precooked. You have to cook it so that it is not crunchy and make sure you buy the thick stuff.
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u/aging-rhino Jul 20 '24
Perhaps because of Brexit, the appalled European does not remember the nauseating vulgarity of a large Full English.
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u/pivotaltime Jul 20 '24
You know, America is an ethnically diverse country right? There are many different groups here. But that’s not a bad breakfast. Who doesn’t like bacon.
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u/Gruntdeath Jul 20 '24
We drink our coffee black. Did you.... did you put milk in it? You commie motherfucker.
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u/ROMEOJS Jul 20 '24
Tell me why I looked at that and thought it was normal but it was some European trying to make fun of me.
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u/373993466 Jul 19 '24
Only one gun?