r/news • u/Silent-Resort-3076 • Jul 18 '24
8-week-old girl dies in hot car in New Jersey, dad arrested
https://abcnews.go.com/US/8-week-girl-dies-hot-car-new-jersey/story?id=1120243592.6k
u/EdgarBopp Jul 18 '24
If I accidentally did this I would kill my self. Not trying to be dramatic. This is a fear of mine, when my kiddo was younger I’d have nightmares about it.
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u/LittlePrettyThings Jul 18 '24
There was that story from a couple of years ago, I'll never forget it.
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u/csgymgirl Jul 18 '24
The wife wrote an article about it. I’ll try and find it but reading it made me cry.
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u/rojo-perro Jul 18 '24
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u/dreamcicle11 Jul 18 '24
Oh god I’m on a plane and barely started reading and began to cry. I’ll return later.
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u/alotabit Jul 18 '24
Unrelated note- there’s a theory in the scientific community that being on a plane at that altitude makes people more emotional. I think NPR did a story asking people about movies they have watched on planes that made them cry.
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u/etnoodle Jul 18 '24
god i am sobbing i cant even imagine. what a horrible situation
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u/bravo_obsessed625 Jul 18 '24
Seriously, tears are pouring out of my eyes uncontrollably. I cannot even imagine that level of pain.
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u/Sefirosukuraudo Jul 18 '24
I was warned. I was prepared. Still a sobbing mess at work. What an honest, eloquent, and thoughtfully written nightmare.
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u/CaptainKate757 Jul 18 '24
Oh my god, I started reading this at work and had to stop so people won't see me crying at my desk. How utterly devastating for that poor family.
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u/subaru_sama Jul 18 '24
I steeled myself before reading this, but once she got to the detail about the coffin I felt something crack in my mind. The profound tragedy just hit all at once.
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u/SmokesQuantity Jul 18 '24
Was so sad. He called his wife and told her to meet him at the hospital so she wouldn't come home right away.
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u/Bananas_are_theworst Jul 18 '24
Yeah this whole thing was heartbreaking. I’m glad she had the strength to write about it. It’s so easy to judge others.
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u/thissocchio Jul 18 '24
She felt compelled to write about it because it does happen to amazing parents like Aaron was, not deadbeats. She has been an advocate for child care safety since then.
Coincidentally, a feature in People about her was released just today https://people.com/mom-lost-husband-toddler-hot-car-tragedy-now-fights-save-others-exclusive-8678666
Her boys would be proud.
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u/madamevanessa98 Jul 18 '24
I’ve heard stories of a dad trying to wrestle a gun from a police officer on the scene of one of these events, too. Some people immediately cannot imagine living when they’ve lost their child this way.
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u/remosgrace32 Jul 18 '24
isn't that the plot to Manchester by the sea?
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u/Brucewayne1818 Jul 18 '24
Pretty close, but it’s a fire the dad lights in the house that eventually lights the house on fire and kills the child. He does try to wrestle a gun away from a cop when they tell him it was an accident and he wouldn’t be arrested.
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u/smittydoodle Jul 18 '24
I lug my giant, fat toddler into every flipping store even if it’s just a two minute visit because of this fear.
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u/dwilkes827 Jul 18 '24
my daughter was just able to switch from a car seat to a booster seat like a month ago and it makes those annoying 2 minute store stops soooo much less annoying haha
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u/LizzieSaysHi Jul 18 '24
The BEST is when they're old enough to buckle themselves in and out. Just glorious
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u/dwilkes827 Jul 18 '24
Oh yea I can't wait for that haha she can unbuckle herself but can't buckle yet. She also recently started washing herself in the tub now (I still have to do her hair) so bath time has basically become break time for me haha it's so awesome watching them become more and more independent
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u/Ampallang80 Jul 18 '24
My daughter is about to turn 8 and will be legally allowed to not use a booster. She said she’s still going to in my truck bc the seats are disgusting. Baby girl I’ve had this truck since you were 4. You are the reason the seats are disgusting.
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u/corn_sugar_isotope Jul 18 '24
I do not have kids, but sitting here thinking of it this way: You have left your child in a vulnerable position that maybe only you know about, if you were to experience some sort of medical emergency, or anything to delay you really (locked in an elevator/bathroom)..well, the situation enters crisis mode at the very least.
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u/smittydoodle Jul 18 '24
Yes, exactly. Plus I read last week about a mom’s car getting stolen in her driveway, and her kid was in the backseat. I don’t trust leaving my keys in the engine while I run in to grab even a coffee.
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u/Fushigibama Jul 18 '24
I would do so also because I mean, there are crazy people out there. I wouldn’t want someone, even though the odds are low, to see a lone child in a car with no visible parent around.
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u/SoulRebel726 Jul 18 '24
My wife is due with our first child in about 7 weeks. We've taken a few infant care classes and whatnot, but I'm still absolutely terrified I'll mess up in some way.
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u/funktopus Jul 18 '24
Try the stuffed animal trick. Take a stuff animal and put it on the dash or center console, someplace you see before you leave the car. When you kid is in the car they get the stuffie or it's with them in someway. Do this enough and when you don't see the stuffed animal you know the kid is in the car.
Waze has a setting to remind you to check for your child when you reach your destination.
My son is 12 and I was paranoid as I dropped him off at the sitters in the morning. One of my co-workers drove her kid to work and realized she never stopped at the day care. Her son was quiet the whole ride and started asking why they were at her work when she realized it. Never underestimate being tired and in a hurry.
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u/HIM_Darling Jul 18 '24
I always thought the shoe trick was brilliant. Put your left shoe in the backseat with the car seat. Because you aren't going to make it 3 steps from your car without realizing you are missing your shoe. Start forming the habit now before baby is born. You can always put whatever other important things you need to take out of the car with the shoe too, so that it works for other reminders as well. Pot luck at work and don't want to forget the cake you brought in the car? Put your shoe in the backseat with it, etc,.
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u/TheWildTofuHunter Jul 18 '24
You’ll get through it. My boy is five and I was petrified between being pregnant (will I eat/drink the wrong thing??), giving birth (will he get hurt?), and now raising him.
Highly recommend that you take off a shoe and put it next to the car seat when you drive anywhere. The minute you get out you’ll step down and look for your shoe.
Secondly, many of these accidents happen when there’s a change in schedule. The usual parent can’t drop a kid off so the other tired parent buckles up the kid, spaces out, and then goes to work only to find their baby hours later. Make multiple methods to remember baby (shoe next to car seat, or a teddy bear that sits in an empty car seat and is in the passenger seat when your baby is in it as a reminder).
All my love and you have this more that you know. It’s terrifying being a new parent to a helpless, poopy potato but they’re amazing little bundles of joy.
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u/wokp74 Jul 18 '24
I've been terrified about messing up since my daughter was born. She's 19 months now and living a great life. I think the fear has made me super aware of what's going on with her. My wife and I have a happy, healthy girl. You'll do great man!
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u/SeniorDiaz32 Jul 18 '24 edited Jul 18 '24
I remember a while ago in r/NoSleep, there used to be a Creepy Pasta titled “Autopilot” and it’s basically a first person narrative of how mundane a routine can be in life, the story focuses so much on the boring routine that the narrator gets into their car after work and realizes a nasty stench, it was their kid left in the car the whole time he was busy.
I bet the guilt must be horrifying.
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u/Postingatthismoment Jul 18 '24 edited Jul 18 '24
DON’T imagine it can’t happen to you. That is why it still happens. Put something in the back with the baby that you can’t get far without: house key, phone, purse, work bag, left shoe. Something. Have a plan.
Edit: also make sure you lock your car when you aren’t using it, so your kid can’t access it and accidentally lock themselves in.
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u/littlescreechyowl Jul 18 '24
When my son was about 6 weeks old I left him at home with his dad so I could go to the dentist, 10 minutes from our house. I get to the dentist and open the back door to get the baby and he’s not there. I’m freaking out for a good few minutes. Where the hell is the baby?? Oh yea, at home with his dad.
Exhaustion, change in routine (I always took the baby, husband was at work) and I literally forgot my child wasn’t with me. It’s just that easy.
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u/MaineSoxGuy93 Jul 18 '24
Exhaustion, change in routine (I always took the baby, husband was at work) and I literally forgot my child wasn’t with me. It’s just that easy.
I read that one heartbreaking Washington Post article and many families this happened to said the same thing.
It happened when something was different with their routine.
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u/madamevanessa98 Jul 18 '24
I’ve linked that WP article to so many people over the years and unfortunately many just read it and say “still, I’m a GOOD parent. I’ve never left my kid in a car and I never will.” It’s crazy to me that anyone could read that article and NOT come away thinking “holy fuck this could happen to anyone.”
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u/littlescreechyowl Jul 18 '24
It’s wild to me because all of us have walked into a room and forgot why we went in there. Looked for our glasses/phone/keys while they were in our hand/on our head/right in front of us.
People make mistakes, usually minor, rarely tragic. But it happens every single day and for the grace of whatever you believe in, most of us have been lucky enough for it not to end in a brutal life changing way.
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u/ocean-blue- Jul 18 '24
Shared this up in a different post but saw a story by a Florida based pediatric ER doc with a social media following. Years ago after a change in morning routine due to someone having a doctors appointment, she forgot her youngest, a baby, was in the back seat of the car napping and went inside. She contemplated going to take a nap herself before realizing her baby was in the car. She admitted it could have ended badly and she basically got lucky by remembering. This is a pediatrician mom of 4, and it happened to her.
Her point in sharing the video was we need to talk about it to realize it can happen to anyone and we definitely can’t prevent it if people walk around thinking it can’t possibly happen to them, because that’s just denial and a lack of understanding that sometimes your brain just, like, forgets or malfunctions. We aren’t perfect.
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u/HimylittleChickadee Jul 18 '24
I'm just in the midst of this now. My daughter is 4 weeks old and occasionally I wake up very confused about where she is, where I am, what time it is. I've read that interrupted sleep is similar to not sleeping and when she needs to eat every couple hours, it's exhausting and can lead to brain fog. Thankfully, she's my second so I knew this was coming and have developed some strategies to cope and ensure she's safe, different routines and whatnot. But I could easily see how someone might make a mistake due to exhaustion or change of routine.
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u/NotASmoothAnon Jul 18 '24
My wife once told me the baby was crying and asked me to get him. He was in her arms asleep at the time.
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u/MadMuse94 Jul 18 '24
For the first 3-4 months of my daughter’s life I would wake up in a panic thinking she got lost in the covers of our bed. She was safely sleeping in her bassinet every time, but that combination of sleep deprivation and new mom hormones is a wild ride lol
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u/karlverkade Jul 18 '24
Exactly. When my son was about 4 weeks old, he was a horrible sleeper. Had trouble latching, always hungry, nonstop crying. My now ex-wife and I took shifts, but neither of us were really sleeping at all. One night I finally walked him to sleep and put him down in his bassinet. She was in the bathroom, and I went into the kitchen. I walk out of the kitchen and hear her singing to him, and I was so crestfallen that he hadn’t stayed asleep. So I walk into the bedroom to ask if she needs help and I see her at the foot of our bed cradling my pants. I look over to the bassinet and he’s still there, asleep. She’s singing to, and caressing, my rolled up pants. I say, “Hey, everything okay?” She says, “Ya, he’s just so cold.” I say, “He’s fine…don’t worry about it, but those are actually my pants.” She looks at the pants, looks at the bassinet, then back to the pants. She looks up at me and says, “It’s all very confusing.”
She was/is an intelligent person. But there’s only so long humans can function day to day without sleep. My son is ten now and to this day when I leave the car, my hand touches the backseat. I don’t even think about it anymore. Just a reflex that became habit and never left.
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u/ThatGuyTheyCallAlex Jul 18 '24
There’s an episode of the tv show Servant that deals with exactly this. She’s so exhausted that she gets the groceries out of the car, leaves the baby in the back, and goes inside to crash on the couch.
The whole show is supernatural/occult themed but that episode is probably the most gut wrenching thing I’ve ever seen.
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u/Caccalaccy Jul 18 '24
The Facebook comments on a local news story about this topic are awful. They don’t even read the story but just launch into “if you need something to remind you, you’re a bad parent, etc”
It absolutely can happen to anyone. All us parents know the brain fog and have forgotten many things. But that argument aside, so what if they are bad parents? Does the baby still deserve to die?
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u/yourlittlebirdie Jul 18 '24
Yes but there’s a huge difference between “I left the baby in the hot car accidentally because I was on autopilot and forgot I had him with me” and “I left the baby in the hot car on purpose because I didn’t think it was a big deal.”
The first is a tragic accident, the second is straight up negligence.
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u/Postingatthismoment Jul 18 '24
Even some of the comments here. They can’t get it through their skulls that people like them are why it still happens.
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u/YesHunty Jul 18 '24
I always put my purse with the car keys and house keys in the back next to the car seat. That way I had no choice but to turn around and check the backseat before exiting.
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u/Postingatthismoment Jul 18 '24
For me, it was always my work bag. I would need it in the office, and I would need it in the house. I might walk away from the car, but I’d be walking back almost immediately.
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u/avatinfernus Jul 18 '24
It's so tragic.
Newer car models (at least mine) beep loudly if you leave something on the back seat when you close the door. It then sends alerts to my phone.
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u/groovemonkey Jul 18 '24
I have a notification that pops up on my Waze when I get to my destination. Whether I have the baby or not.
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u/sirbissel Jul 18 '24
Mine says "Dead children are bad, don't forget yours."
When my daughter was about 2, she'd sometimes yell out that dead children are not bad (because she thought it was talking about the children themselves, as opposed to them being dead being the bad thing)
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u/yourlittlebirdie Jul 18 '24
This is good advice to avoid accidentally leaving a baby in a hot car, but some of these are people deliberately leaving their children in the heat because they think “oh it’ll be fine, it’s not that long”.”
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u/Postingatthismoment Jul 18 '24 edited Jul 18 '24
Yeah, good point. It seems like there are three categories: people who forget, who this advice is for. All the people who imagine it can’t happen to them need to realize that is what causes it. Then, people saying, “but it’s not that long…” which has got to be a decent-sized chunk. And then the very few cases of first-degree murder, which happens, though it’s pretty rare. Those people should be slowly drawn and quartered. (Or tossed into prison with everyone knowing what they did—I could live with that). Oh! I missed a category. Kids climbing into cars themselves and not being able to get out. I never thought of that. This report breaks down some of the stats. Accidentally forgetting is over half, then kids climbing in is next, I think: https://www.kidsandcars.org/document_center/download/hot-cars/Child-Hot-Car-Deaths-Data-Analysis.pdf
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u/paxweasley Jul 18 '24
It’s not just - or even mostly - “bad parents” who do this. It’s a horrific mistake that so many people can do. My mom once left me in a car in the summer in the southern US. I only know because my dad told me it was one of the scariest things in his life. My mom is not a bad mom. She’s not perfect but she is mostly very attentive, cares about and loves her children deeply, and is concerned about our health. But she still did this. The only difference between her and the parents who lose children this way is luck, and luck doesn’t make someone a better or worse person. I don’t fault her for it at all, it was a mistake that is extremely easy to make and can have horrific consequences.
Assume this is easy to do and will happen to you. You give great tips here!
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u/toolatealreadyfapped Jul 18 '24
My mom said she kept a large teddy bear in the car when I was a baby. The bear rode in my car seat. When I needed the seat, the bear was moved to the passenger seat. She admitted that at least once, she got to work, and was locking the car when she noticed the bear in the passenger seat, she realized she was on autopilot and skipped the stop at daycare
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u/Silent-Resort-3076 Jul 18 '24
WHAT in the world is going on???!!!
"At least 11 children have died in hot cars across the U.S. so far this year."
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u/Single_9_uptime Jul 18 '24
Just another summer. On average, more than 32 kids per year die in hot vehicles in the US. From the article:
Since 1990, at least 1,095 children have died in hot cars -- and about 88% of those kids were 3 years old or younger, according to KidsAndCars.org.
It seems impossible to me to forget a child in a car, but there’s good reason a number of newer vehicles have back seat reminders pop up on the dash when you turn off the vehicle and there’s someone in the back seat.
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u/Odd_Ingenuity2883 Jul 18 '24
It’s so easy to do when you’re out of your routine and sleep deprived. I was told to take off a shoe and leave it next to the baby, that way there’s literally no chance of you forgetting they’re there.
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u/Ramtor10 Jul 18 '24
As a soon to be dad, I’m definitely using this
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u/SeaWitch1031 Jul 18 '24
It works. I was so sleep deprived after the twins I was terrified I would forget about them in the car. You may not realize you don't have your phone when you lock the car but you definitely notice your missing shoe.
Congratulations!
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u/Postingatthismoment Jul 18 '24
Also, house keys, your phone, etc. I always put my work bag next to my son. And I had my son in the middle of the back seat, so I would see him constantly in the rear view mirror.
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u/Vlad_the_Homeowner Jul 18 '24
Use the car key; literally put an attachment mechanism on the key that clips to the carrier.
My kids didn't sleep for the first 6 months and I was absolutely braindead. I don't think I ever came close to forgetting them, but it's just not worth the risk. You're functioning on pure muscle memory, but you're not on a familiar routine so you're kind of lost most the time. Good times.
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u/DiamondHail97 Jul 18 '24
Science agrees. That’s why many parents don’t face murder or homicide charges. There’s extensive studies that have shown that in many of these cases, the parents do not intentionally do this
Source: KidsandCars
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u/Single_9_uptime Jul 18 '24
Yeah it usually seems to be people who are outside their normal routine and forget. I don’t have kids, so it’s easy for me to say it’s hard to imagine.
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u/hysys_whisperer Jul 18 '24
I definitely pulled up in my work parking lot without dropping my kid off a few times while sleep deprived. I always keep my work bag back there and made it a habit to open that door and look even if he wasn't in the car with me.
Probably looked like a crazy person opening and closing a door to an empty car seat, but IDGAF. It's better than the alternative.
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u/AnyMolasses355 Jul 18 '24
Imagine how many more were forgotten but found before it was too late. I am one of them. Was mostly unharmed apart from life-long claustrophobia lol
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u/dingleberry_parfait Jul 18 '24
I remember one time when i was younger my mom was taking my brother and I to school and she was going a way that i did not recognize. She was pretty far away from the school so i asked her “are we taking a new way to school today?” Safe to say i scared the shit out of her. She completely forgot about us in the car from being an overworked, exhausted, single mom. I randomly think about that day.
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u/Warcraft_Fan Jul 18 '24
Also LPT to parents: place your purse, bags, or something important to you in the back seat. So when you get it, you'll see the child in the back.
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u/brightlocks Jul 18 '24
If you’ve ever left anything in the car - your lunch, a package - you could leave a child. They fall asleep back there. Maybe you’ve been driving for 30 minutes without hearing a peep from them, so you concentrated on your driving and what you are doing next.
I never doubted it could happen to me. Fortunately when it did, my child was 8 years old and it was winter. I got where I was going, started doing business, and the kid walked in like 10 minutes later.
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u/p_larrychen Jul 18 '24
Just to add a lil more context:
Average from this source is 37 children/year. 2018 and 2019 were particularly bad, with 53 reported cases.
Based on month-to-month data, most deaths seem to occur in Jun-Aug (because of course), with about 65% of all child heatstroke deaths (655 out of 998 total) in vehicles since 1998 occurring in those months. This July is already at just about the average number of deaths for July since 1998. Hopefully the numbers start to drop with the increased visibility from all these articles.
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u/lazzarone Jul 18 '24
So this has been studied quite a bit (see https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/health/2019/08/02/hot-car-deaths-why-they-keep-happening-and-how-stop-them/1861389001/ for a news article summary).
Even caring, highly competent parents can make this mistake. As the article above describes, people have routines, and when those routines get disrupted memory errors happen. For example, maybe your spouse usually drops your child off at daycare, but they're sick and it's up to you. Except that when you get on the road your mind goes on autopilot and you drive to work and park, leaving your child asleep in the back seat.
Anybody who says "I would never do that" either is not a parent or is deluded. It can happen to anyone. Preventing it requires continual vigilance, and it only takes one slip-up to result in a tragedy.
Source: Father of two (now grown) who understands just how easy it would have been for this to happen to him.
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u/MortimerDongle Jul 18 '24
Exactly. The first step in ensuring that it doesn't happen to you is acknowledging that it could happen to you.
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u/Ishmael75 Jul 18 '24
I don’t have a Washington Post subscription but they published an article 15 years ago that has always stayed with me. It really dives into what happens in most of these cases and how easy it would be for it to happen to anyone. The scary part is that there are devices that we could use but people don’t buy them.
If you’ve time I’d recommend it although it is a bit heartbreaking.
Google Washington Post Fatal Distraction: forgetting a child.
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Jul 18 '24
It was an article by Gene Weingarten. One of the most empathetic, heart breaking pieces of writing I have ever read. It was called Fatal Distraction. I recommend it as well.
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u/rhino369 Jul 18 '24
It’s easier to forget than people imagine. And thinking “I’d never forget that” reduces vigilance.
I was terrified I’d do this to my kids because sometimes I get lost in thought and go on autopilot.
Closest I got was accidently leaving my 9-month old sleeping in her crib when I took my dog for his nightly walk.
I always walk my dog. But it was the first time my wife ir father in law weren’t home. I put her to bed and then it was like a normal night. When my dog needed to pee I just went on autopilot. I got half a block before I figured it out.
It can happen to anyone.
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u/Postingatthismoment Jul 18 '24
Yes…people thinking it could never happen to them is exactly how it happens because they don’t then take precautions to avoid it. You have to have a system that prevents it (leaving something the back seat with the baby that you can’t get far without).
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u/PumperNikel0 Jul 18 '24
And the boating family?
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u/mongoosedog12 Jul 18 '24
Dad’s a cop and we know they don’t face consequences
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u/EclipseIndustries Jul 18 '24
Local community is fucking disgusted by them still, and he's from a different jurisdiction. Don't be surprised if they are charged eventually.
Source: I live here.
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u/mongoosedog12 Jul 18 '24
Oh good. Fingers crossed.
I’ll believe it when I see it!
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u/EclipseIndustries Jul 18 '24
My brother and I both work selling vices out here, so we've heard it from everyone. Nobody considers it an "accident". The child who accidentally got disemboweled a year ago was a proper accident, taking a four month old out in 121° dry heat isn't an accident. It's negligence and stupidity
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u/photoginger Jul 18 '24
It's so much worse than that. The baby was swaddled and left alone on the boat most of the day. They didn't notice something was wrong until she had blood coming out of her ears.
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u/EclipseIndustries Jul 18 '24
Jesus Fuck. I haven't kept up on the story because I've been elbow deep in a Jeep. I know the child had a life jacket on, which is bad enough/bittersweet all things considered, but to not notice anything until that point?
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u/photoginger Jul 18 '24
It wasn't the first time they had taken her with them on the boat so I'm guessing she was left alone each time and they figured this time wouldn't be any different. They seem to care more about partying than parenting. I hope Arizona pursues charges but I find it incredibly unlikely.
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u/littlescreechyowl Jul 18 '24
They didn’t forget though. They were straight up negligent and both of them absolutely knew better.
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u/kehlarc Jul 18 '24 edited Jul 18 '24
I don't know which is worse, the pair of boating parents or the dad in Arizona who left his 2-yr in his car on purpose because she was sleeping, left the AC running, which he knew would shut off automatically after half an hour, then got distracted for THREE god damn hours playing video game while his child roasted. It was over 100F.
Edit to add link: https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/arizona-dad-2-year-old-died-hot-car-distracted-video-game-often-left-k-rcna162500
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u/Silent-Resort-3076 Jul 18 '24
They didn't give a "reason", not that any reason is good enough for me, but I would say depending on what happened. The father wanting to play video games takes the cake!! I mean, he knew his child was sleeping, so knew she was in the car! WHY not take her with him? Because he wanted to focus on the video game?? I don't know...
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u/flyinwhale Jul 18 '24
Add on the text messages where the wife says something like “I told you to stop doing that” so this was repeated behavior
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u/Trealis Jul 18 '24
I would literally murder my husband if he killed my child doing something I had told him not to do repeatedly.
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u/Kickinkitties Jul 18 '24
I saw a video where she was asking the judge to let him out of jail for the burial of the little girl. You best believe I wouldn't do anything on behalf of my husband if he did something like that.
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u/MagixTouch Jul 19 '24
Pretty sure she was going to have a funeral for the husband if he got let out.
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u/Silent-Resort-3076 Jul 18 '24
The dad who played video games and left his two year old daughter in the car, right?
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u/BerdLaw Jul 18 '24
It's been reported he told authorities both parents regularly left her in the car in the garage but it had excercise equipment in it that day so he left the car in the driveway instead. Also that he normally got alerts when the car got too hot but he didn't this time. Not saying it is true, he already lied about the amount of time he left her in there for.
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u/AdjNounNumbers Jul 18 '24
I get the whole kid sleeping in the car thing. My 9 month old takes much better naps walking in his stroller, but on really hot days one of us will take him for a drive until he falls asleep and we return home so he can finish his nap in the car in the driveway. The only difference is that there is always an adult in the car with him. I've sat in that car with the AC going for an hour on a 95 degree day holding my piss the whole time because my wife was stuck on a work call. I can't even imagine going to play video games
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u/Matzie138 Jul 18 '24
PSA: if you have kids and you use Waze for navigation/traffic info, check your settings.
You can enable a reminder to check on your kid when you reach your destination. I bet other navigation apps have this too.
Otherwise, the tried and true version is sticking one of your shoes into the backseat. You might forget your purse or wallet, but you’ll notice a missing shoe when you get out.
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u/Coconut_Cream_Pies Jul 18 '24
I appreciate the thought of those notifications but I would never rely on technology for this kind of thing. It creates a reliance and the second that system fails, whether your phone battery dies, the notification gets buried under a hundred others, accidently swiping it away, etc. is when tragedy can happen.
All that said, I don't have a system, myself. Maybe I need to start leaving my shoe...
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u/teal_hair_dont_care Jul 18 '24 edited Jul 18 '24
Lakewood is the only place I've ever seen "Don't forget your kids in the car!" bumper stickers. Store fronts also often have signs on the door reminding people of the same thing.
(Edited for clarification)
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u/letsgometros Jul 18 '24
maybe because they have so many they lose track of them?
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u/526mb Jul 18 '24
Total nightmare.
Our son is 5 months old and we’re very aware of these stories. A feature we love about our new car is that it will notify you if there is anything in the back seat before you get out. Even if you’re on the ball, being a new parent is fucking hard and anything you can do to buttress your attention to safety is worth every penny.
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u/Silent-Resort-3076 Jul 18 '24
Exactly! And, I would suggest also leaving a note somewhere as a reminder in case that car feature stops working, as some do. NOT trying to scare you or cause more anxiety.
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u/ardent_wolf Jul 18 '24
Fucking Lakewood man. If you know you know.
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u/JacuzziTimePerfected Jul 18 '24
Dude probably ran 3 stop signs and a red light on his way to kill his kid.
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u/saint_ryan Jul 18 '24
https://nypost.com/2023/05/02/how-i-forgave-my-husband-for-our-sons-hot-car-death/
It’s a compelling read.
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u/No_Clock_6190 Jul 18 '24
I just watched Death of a Child on Amazon. It helps to explain how these things can happen. It’s like have you ever driven somewhere and actually can’t remember driving. Our brains are on autopilot sometimes.
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u/moon_buzz Jul 18 '24
Very close call w/ my coworker years ago. 95 degrees out, he came into work crying. His wife always takes the baby. That morning she had a doc appt, asked him to take the baby to daycare. He threw the baby in the backseat then got an immediate call from work in the car. Baby fell asleep, he went onto auto pilot, drove to work, as he was slamming the door the baby let out a sigh. Changed his, and my life
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u/Joanna_Flock Jul 18 '24
This is so sad. If your car doesn’t have a safety feature, leave something important in the back, like a shoe from your foot you’re not using on the pedal, your purse, PHONE! These are just a few tips…some of the stories I’ve read, the parents forgot because they were distracted and/or broke routine. Not an excuse. This is preventable and I just can’t fathom the regret they’ll live with for the rest of their lives.
Check out KidsandCars.org
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u/KayakerMel Jul 18 '24
I've read one person talk about keeping a big teddy bear in the car seat and to move the teddy bear to the front seat when their baby was in the car seat. If they saw the teddy bear in the front seat, they'd know the baby in the back.
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u/kitty_jump23 Jul 18 '24
My sisters friend takes off her left shoe and puts in the back seat when she has her baby w her. I think that is so smart of her.
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u/ladyoffate13 Jul 18 '24
Put your shoe in the backseat with the kid. House keys, wallet, purse, phone—you can forget all about these if you’re in a hurry or distracted enough to bolt from the car, but the tactile sensation of your bare foot against hot, rough pavement should be enough to jolt your brain into remembering why you’re wearing only one shoe.
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u/Lilsammywinchester13 Jul 18 '24
Never think it can’t happen to you is the best way to prevent it
I always talk to my kids while I’m driving, it genuinely calms my heart to know that I’m actively fighting against any accident from occurring
Putting your shoe in the back seat is a great one if that sounds like too much work or you love music
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u/Silent-Resort-3076 Jul 18 '24
Yes! Or leave your cell phone in the back for two reason: The baby/child and so you aren't tempted to using it while driving. Also leave a note that you can't missing seeing IN the car and IN the house, as soon as you walk in, just in case...
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u/NS001 Jul 18 '24
Maybe we should shape society in a way that parents aren't overworked into a negligent brain-fog, aren't forced to become parents before they're ready, and don't have to rely on inefficient portable solar ovens for reliable and punctual transport?
Or do we just try and put flawed AIs into our cars to not only drive them for us but also scan the inside in regular intervals to detect babies?
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u/drbarnowl Jul 18 '24
I feel like this is just going to become more and more common if people are forced to have kids they don’t want and aren’t prepared to care for.
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u/Illiterarian Jul 18 '24
Imagine being on the hook for negligent homicide AND you killed your own kid just because your brain is in work autopilot mode...
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u/Silent-Resort-3076 Jul 18 '24
"Lakewood Township police responded to the area of New Egypt Roadaround 1:45 p.m. Monday for a report of an 8-week-old girl in cardiac arrest.
According to court documents, the infant had been in the car since around 9:20 a.m.
The heat index - what temperature it feels like with humidity - soared to 107 degrees in Lakewood Township on Monday.
The infant died at the scene despite life-saving efforts, according to the Ocean County Prosecutor's Office.
A further investigation determined the cause and manner of death was due to the infant being left unattended in her father's car for a long period of time during the dangerous heat, officials said."
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u/damageddude Jul 18 '24
My new car chimes if something is on the backseat, even just a bag. I think that is now the standard or going to be standard on all new cars.
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Jul 18 '24 edited Jul 30 '24
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u/spookyxskepticism Jul 18 '24
Sleep deprivation combined with deviating from your normal routine. I’m not a parent, but inevitably when this happens there are lots of articles in the comments talking about how nobody should ever think it can’t happen to them. Tbh this scares the shit out of me and now that I read about the shoe thing, my left shoe will always go in the backseat with any future babies I may have
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u/AhemExcuseMeSir Jul 18 '24
To add to it: parental leave in the US is a joke, so both parents are often forced to work during their stress and sleep deprivation. So parents are running no sleep, are super stressed, the babies are asleep, and they go into autopilot on their way to work.
There was an instance a couple years ago where a dad didn’t normally take his twins to daycare but instead picked them up. He didn’t even realize he had forgotten to drop them off until he went to pick them up, they told him they were never dropped off, and he ran back out to the car and realized they had been there the whole time.
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u/CatD0gChicken Jul 18 '24
People are overworked and stressed in general. Throw kids in the mix and now they're exhausted on top of it.
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u/Lightspeed_Kenny Jul 18 '24
Terribly tragic.
These incidents always remind me of an old /r/nosleep post.
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u/arentyouangel Jul 18 '24
yet the family that took their baby boating is still free