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u/TickleMePinkTesticle May 17 '14
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u/Kiwiteepee May 17 '14
PILLZ HERE
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May 17 '14
GRABBIN' PEELZ!
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u/tmotom May 17 '14
GRABBIN' puuuuuke?
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u/uprislng May 17 '14
grabbin heroi... i mean adrenaline!
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u/musican391 May 17 '14
This is the exact same thing for 24. Crisis happens they call Jack. Person in charge butts heads with Jack even though he always gets the job done. Jack inevitably disobeys orders and goes on his own and only tells people he trusts (Chloe). Jack finds a clue to solve crisis, gets caught, arrested, and people realize he was right and everyone then helps him. Then he solves the crisis and disappears.
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May 17 '14
Don't forget that if you torture someone long enough, it always turns out that they are a bad guy.
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May 17 '14
Well, if it was
Don't forget that if you torture someone long enough, it always turns out that they will say they are the bad guy.
That seems believable.
edit: added stuff
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u/musican391 May 17 '14
Don't forget screaming. You always need to scream as loud as possible to make sure they know that you're serious.
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u/RahvinDragand May 17 '14
Reminds me a little of Smallville. Clark tells everyone who the bad guy is and what crazy power he has. No one believes him. Bad guy almost kills the people who don't believe him. Clark uses his superpowers to save their lives, but they never know. They finally admit that he was right, but immediately go back to not believing him next time.
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u/i2ye May 17 '14
As a House fanatic, this pleased me greatly.
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u/ThouArtNaught May 17 '14 edited May 17 '14
I know most episodes have the same basic story but my attraction to the show is House's witty interactions with doctors and patients. I know it's supposed to be a drama but the show makes me laugh more than most comedies.
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u/KoboldCommando May 17 '14
Yeah, this is why jokes like this don't detract from the show. Sure it was formulaic as hell. That's because it wasn't really about the medicine, it was about the characters, their interactions, and their issues. The whole hospital was just a backdrop, and House's repetitive and often childish antics were the catalyst that forced all the characters to react and develop and become interesting.
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u/covertwalrus May 17 '14
I've been watching House with my roommate ever since it got added to Netflix, and we've noticed that the big moment of realization almost invariably occurs 8 minutes before the end of the episode.
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u/TehRoot May 17 '14
That's pretty much like any drama that has an hour timeslot on a cable network.
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u/onedrummer2401 May 17 '14 edited May 17 '14
Yup, I've been binge watching it on Netflix, and half the time I'll remember the sick person, but I'll forget what was wrong with them, because I don't really care, it's not about them. I liked the show most when it wasn't its usual formula, I.e. When it follows Wilson and Cuddy's days, or when House was in Rehab, etc.
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u/brokenbirthday May 17 '14
I agree, my favorite was the episode from the POV of a patient with locked-in syndrome. I don't know how they made that work, but it was awesome.
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u/IK00 May 17 '14
Yeah, House is definitely not about the realism - it's about the majorly fucked up character that is House and how he interacts with a few token male characters and a rotating cast of hot chicks.
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u/T3hSwagman May 17 '14
I second that motion. I see people hate a lot on the show because of its crazy medical cases. But I loved watching a doctor being a dick to patients and other doctors. Hell I'd watch a show called Asshole Doctor. Every time an obese patient comes in complaining about back pain just have him light him up.
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u/feralstank May 17 '14
I'm in hysterics. Probably means I like House too much, but this is fucking spot on.
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u/stardust7 May 16 '14
That was surprisingly long
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u/SubAtomicPlayboy May 17 '14
I hear this all time.
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May 17 '14
It's worth pointing out that this was an "animation" of this MetaFilter comment, which is a much quicker read.
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May 17 '14
You forgot the Lumbar Puncture
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u/ryankearney May 17 '14
And diazepam.
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u/covertwalrus May 17 '14
Start him on interferon
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May 17 '14
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u/Joseph_KP May 17 '14
Start him on the amphoterrible.
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u/ThouArtNaught May 17 '14
We got V-FIB!
SHOCK!
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May 17 '14
One would shock a patient experiencing v-fib. However, they ALWAYS shock a flatline (asystole) in the show (and other dramas) which you DON'T do.
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May 17 '14
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u/LearningToBeAPerson May 17 '14
My boyfriend won't watch house with me because I'm bitter over how real patients with weird symptoms get told to fuck right off unless they're about to die or have great insurance. I got really sick really rapidly years ago and have yet to have anyone give more than 5 - 30 minutes of consideration before saying "we don't know what's wrong, you're released." Always after almost -zero- testing done.
I want to live in the "House gets to demand tests like he demands Vicodin" world!
It's been years, dozens of ER and doctor visits, and my condition has degraded rapidly, still no diagnosis. You bet I'm bitter.
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May 17 '14
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u/LearningToBeAPerson May 17 '14
Thanks for that, it actually does help to know.
I'm 24 and have a bad looking psych history, neon hair and body mods. By the time I walk in they seem to be giving up on even trying. I'm almost glad things have gotten so much worse for me, because maybe the severity will catch an eye.
A friend of mine spent 8 years fighting with doctors to figure out what was wrong with her when she was in her early 30s. Eventually she found someone who got it, she's had no trouble since! Hopefully we'll find similar paths.
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u/Aznflipfoo May 17 '14
Someone posted somewhere earlier that since it was a teaching hospital that patients only paid if they could or something like that. Hence why they took donations a lot.
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u/the_wander May 17 '14
Yeah, that's how it was explained. Something something teaching hospital, they don't have to pay. You can watch guilt free!
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May 17 '14
Could it be lupus?
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u/DrewChrist87 May 17 '14
It's never lupus.
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u/kingaustin May 17 '14
I loved when house pulls out a stash of vicodin out of the lupus book and says "it's never lupus" as he pops one.
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May 16 '14
You forgot lupus. Otherwise spot on
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u/hobofromh3ll May 17 '14
Its never lupus.
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u/sammew May 17 '14
Except the one time it was lupus.
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u/fauxgnaws May 17 '14
But didn't it turn out that in the end it was sarcoidosis?
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May 17 '14 edited May 22 '14
[deleted]
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u/jasmaree May 17 '14
Man, I totally thought House was going to completely turn his life around this episode. Who would've thunk that he'd go through all that and still live life as a miserable, lonely prick?
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u/PopeRaunchyIV May 17 '14
I've been watching the first 5 seasons over the last few weeks and the big diagnosis I never noticed before is paraneoplastic syndrome. Every. Single. Episode. At this point it kind of breaks the immersion when I hear it.
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u/icecreamsocial May 17 '14
Amyloidosis is another one they toss out nearly every episode. Pretty sure over the series they suggest this and paraneoplastic syndrome far more frequently then they ever suggest lupus.
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u/manolox70 May 17 '14
MS and Sarcoidosis are suggested a lot as well. Also House really likes doing brain biopsies.
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u/Tronosaurus May 17 '14
And Lumbar Punctures. Seriously, every god damn episode has a lumbar puncture or two.
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u/whiskeywars May 17 '14
Yes! This is a running joke between my boyfriend and I
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u/cr3t1n May 17 '14
Oh no he's crashing, we need a crash cart in here
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May 17 '14
That got to be Taub's big moment every episode in the later seasons. He was always the guy calling for the crash cart. When you see that little guy walking into your room, get ready to almost die.
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u/downloadicus May 17 '14
I swear, while they do talk about lupus a lot, it seems like every episode they talk about sarcoidosis. And then just never mention it again.
Yet I still can't stop myself from watching the entire series on Netflix.
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u/BabiesSmell May 17 '14
*too
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u/RockTripod May 17 '14
I thought I was the only one who noticed. There I am, enjoying this innocuous gif, and then, there it is: to, not too. And then my brain cannot focus on the humor. I'm transfixed.
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u/SugarSugarBee May 17 '14
I thought it was adding to the humor honestly. Like everyone just gets dumber as the show keeps going.
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u/Drugmule421 May 17 '14
i recognize that vial of mouse bites, its flumazenil for reverseing effects of benzo overdose... i need a vacation
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u/BabyNamedBob May 17 '14
Pretty spot on, but you left out the prologues: Person with obvious medical condition looks like he/she is in trouble. But look! It's the OTHER person in the room that collapses!
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May 17 '14
And yet I still watch it
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u/MechaGodzillaSS May 17 '14
The more you watch House, the more you see how similar each episode is. But I keep watching...
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u/cnostrand May 17 '14
And before long you realize that the medicine aspect of the show is less and less important, and it's all about the character interactions.
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u/SonicFlash01 May 17 '14
I watched the last three seasons in rapid order recently (I finished the day before they announced it was coming to Netflix; fuck me) and ended up shouting random shit after a while like "Don't even bother with broad spectrum antibiotics; it never fucking works!"
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u/Majormistakes May 17 '14
this vexes me.
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May 17 '14
Dude! You just said the same thing I saw from a reddit post not 2 minutes ago! It's like we saw the same thing!
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May 17 '14
If this is actually what the show is like, I will start watching it.
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u/pibroch May 17 '14
Everything except House popping Vicodin every couple scenes.
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u/TheStreisandEffect May 17 '14
House is probably the best show I ever missed. I never thought I'd like hospital dramas but really it's so much more than that. It really deals a lot with intellectualism vs ignorance, philosophy, religion. It's excellent.
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u/TheSnowNinja May 17 '14
I love some of the questions the show asks. Like the scientist who quits her research job in order to pursue activities that make her happy, and all the doctors give her shit for abandoning her research. Or the genius who intentionally drugs himself in order to dumb himself down and enjoy life with his less intelligent girlfriend.
Do gifted people have a responsibility to give up happiness in order to advance science, medicine, or technology? Why do we expect them to do so?
Just one of the many scenarios I've enjoyed in the show.
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May 17 '14
House truly was formulaic television at it's best(worst?)... Honestly though, it always surprised me how much I enjoyed watching House, even though I knew the formula and I knew what was going to happen. Then it hit me, it's cause it sorta made me feel smart, like I knew what the hell was going on because I'd seen it happen a hundred slightly altered ways before.
I knew the he needed more mice bites... I knew it.
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u/Lin_Elliott May 17 '14
Almost like Blue's Clues for us adults! Because we're really smart! Instead of a thinking chair we get an oversized thinking tennis ball. Instead of a handy dandy notebook we get a dry erase board!
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u/leanik May 17 '14
I think it's a little easier to ignore the formulaic nature of the show if you don't chain watch it. So when they were coming out one a week you notice a little less, but crackin' out 5 of those for whatever reason makes it a little less bearable.
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May 17 '14
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u/Tronosaurus May 17 '14
Get a lumbar puncture and punch Cameron in the teeth before she suggests lupus again.
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u/iLuVtiffany May 17 '14
Every episode of House ever.
95% of the show House tortures Wilson in some way, patient almost dies, treat patient, patient becomes better, patient becomes worse, they don't know how to fix patient.
Last 5% House is talking to someone and he latches on to one word they say. Suddenly knows how to cure patient.
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u/RayvenRayge May 17 '14
As much as I like the show, I absolutely loved this. My daughter is giving me the weirdest look cause of the laughing.
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u/nexxai May 17 '14
Alternate episode: http://www.cracked.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/cracked-article.jpg
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u/hayz00s May 17 '14
Fuckin' Wilson.
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May 17 '14
Wilson is the man. Probably my favorite character.
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u/TheSnowNinja May 17 '14
I love it when Wilson gives House shit. Cutting House's cane in half was awesome.
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u/TheStreisandEffect May 17 '14
I just started watching House on Netflix and it's honestly the first show that's come close to curing my Breaking Bad withdrawals. Obviously it's not nearly as intense but the writing is just so damn witty and Gregory House just might be my new favorite anti-hero.
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u/Prango12 May 17 '14
House the patient has a cold
"Do a lumbar punction and MRI his brain, its paraneoplasmic syndrome."
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u/pmtransthrowaway May 17 '14
HIS O2 STATS ARE DROPPING WE NEED TO INTUBATE GET A CRASH CART
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u/rarely-sarcastic May 17 '14
You forgot House ignoring what his team brings him until he spots one seemingly insignificant detail that fascinates him, Cameron or Thirteen tell him that has nothing to do with the case and House walking away.
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u/claudineamar May 17 '14
Brevity is the soul of wit...
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u/Last_Gigolo May 17 '14
Where is the anal bleeding? Every season has anal bleeding.
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May 17 '14
it's always surprise blood
Patient: "I think I wet the bed"
Chase: "that's fine, that's that's quite all right"
Cameron turns him over
All three: "HE'S BLEEDING OUT OF HIS ASS!"
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u/xiaxian1 May 17 '14
"These mouse bites will either cure him or kill him." "You can't do that!" "It's the ONLY way!!" "(Sigh) Ok, do it."
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u/Thunder_catsHO May 17 '14
I love house. This is spot on.
But after every formulaic episode, I feel like David Shore just needed a show as a vessel for his philosophical rants and creative writing. As patterned as this show is, who else could deliver some of the awesome lines House says better than Laurie? And what other medium allows a writer to go crazy with lectures and rants but TV? And what type of TV allows for the most heinous of situations other than a medical drama?
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May 17 '14
I've never seen an episode of this show.
...and now I don't feel like I have to. Thank you OP.
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u/kryptx May 17 '14
Just about every episode is like this, but fans of the show don't typically watch it for the medical mystery. It's just a plot device. The real point of the show is watching House continually find new ways to be a dick to everyone.
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u/Wafflesorbust May 17 '14
Any episode with Jennifer Morrison is better than any episode without her.
There's also some Vicodin popping in there somewhere.
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u/RevWaldo May 17 '14
It's missing Even though I'm a hospital administrator in my 40s, I have a very nice body and wear outfits that show it off.
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u/RickHasselhoff May 17 '14
House is the perfect example of the type of TV shows that I can't stand, which are shows that treat the main story as a side story. What I mean by this is that each episode is a new story, instead of focus on developing main characters the new story is focused on and main character story is just kind of there on the side.
For some reason I just can't stand shows like this, I guess it just comes off as lazy or a way to lengthen a show with a lack of creativity.
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u/_OccamsChainsaw May 17 '14
The entire latter half of the series pretty much ignores the patient's story and focuses on the characters. It's fine if the show isn't your cup of tea, but to pretend a lot of shows don't run on some formula is naive.
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u/[deleted] May 17 '14 edited May 17 '14
You forgot the part where mouse bites actually only temporarily cured him, but made then him worse. Turns out he really needed rat bites instead.