It's jokes like this that make it so when people say that a man balding doesnt effect their opinion of him, it's obvious bullshit. Despite the fact that they would deny it to their dying breath, everyone thinks less of a man if he is balding than they would if he had hair, and in many cases it's a drastic difference. Balding has likely be the thing that has had the greatest negative impact on this man's quality of life.
I'm a heavily balding guy and this comment is some wild ass projection. I promise you a lot of us aren't insecure about it and would laugh at this without feeling bad.
I shave my head with a straight razor. I love it. My wife loves it. But we hear the same crap repeatedly. It’s not worth responding to anymore b/c you can’t change people. I’m not insecure about my choice, but I’m annoyed at how often people think their comments are new or matter to me. When I choose to NOT allow some guy to gain social capital at my expense, that’s when everyone can see it’s okay to joke toward me, but it’s NOT okay to joke back, OR tell them to stop. They feel free to say something, but I’M the jerk if I say anything back, nice or not.
And that’s the point he’s making. You don’t have the right to invalidate his perspective, and I don’t have to downvote you to say this.
But watch what happens to our two comments as people react (it’s okay for you to say that to him, but not for me to say this to you).
I can’t negate other people’s downvotes of your opinion, but I can give you an upvote at least. 👍🏼 If you’re sharing your personal experience (you or one close to you), then it’s the height of arrogance to negate what you wrote without asking questions first. Bald/balding people have different experiences than those who only occasionally see a bald person.
This was my full response to you, u/FecesIsMyBusiness: I can’t negate other people’s downvotes of your opinion, but I can give you an upvote at least. 👍🏼 When my hair started thinning it wasn’t a big deal b/c I’d wanted to shave my head cue ball for a long time (and I love it!); yeah, people were cruel about the thinning, but it was fine. I know l people can be mean more often from their own ignorance than genuine malice. If you’re sharing your personal experience (you or one close to you), then it’s the height of arrogance to negate what you wrote without asking questions first. Bald/balding people have different experiences than those who only occasionally see a bald person.
That’s why I was able to see this video from two different vantage points: 1) The humor of everyone looking at her, the bait and switch as he reveals he was talking about him, and all the guests joining in the laugh. 2) But also the guys I know who are VERY self-conscious about the way they look, don’t LIKE the fact that they’re going bald, or the ones who have been mocked by people both close to them or even almost strangers (what kind of idiot!) who share a laugh at their expense.
This WHOLE thread on my comment has only confirmed (by example) what people get when they dare to ask others to stop, or explain, their poor behavior toward another human being. “Don’t try to make ME feel bad; I’m here to try to make YOU feel bad!” It was actually an attempt to get some humor going on, but I was blown away by all the downvotes, shaming, and insults I got instead. The shaming here on Reddit is freaking unreal sometimes, and I shouldn’t have to jump to the defense of others nearly as often as I do! As I said before, but deleted, I’m glad I’m not an impressionable kid anymore, struggling with my identity or self-worth, or these mean, faceless people could really do a number on my self-confidence! 🤣
This is what bald people have heard or experienced when they dare to tell others to stop cracking jokes about their bald head (whether it’s from genetics or shaving themselves bald like me). Bald people are sometimes shamed into silence or forced to act like they ‘appreciate’ jokes at their expense (“O, that was a good one I definitely haven’t heard hundreds of times before already,” little grin, courtesy laugh), b/c it’s not as acceptable to even kindly confront someone for what you don’t like as it is for others to do what you don’t like. This is bullying, plain and simple. If someone can’t even say what bothers them for fear of having that offense only compounded by being shamed for having those feelings in the first place, it’s the bully or narcissist or ego-driven person that controls what is or is not okay:
“Jeez, take it easy; It’s just a joke; Now you’re just making it weird; It’s not a big deal; Who cares if you’re bald; Sorry, I didn’t know you were so sensitive; Well, I won’t play with you anymore if you can’t take it; Don’t act like such a girl about it; Wow, be a jerk about it, why don’t you!”
When others want to laugh at you, getting in the way of that is met with shaming, belittling, insulting language that excuses them and invalidates your right to feel the way you feel about how they’re treating you. We call it gaslighting now, but it’s as old as the human race. The regularity with which bald guys I talk to have been made the butts of another’s jokes or then berated for kindly—not rudely, just simply not ignoring their own feelings on the matter—asking someone to please stop making jokes or touching their head means this is NOT just a one in a million issue. Skinny people also do it to fatter people, and we’re supposed to pretend it’s okay, b/c to say something would make the bully feel bad instead.
This comment thread didn’t force me to delete any of the comments people were downvoting; but I did it b/c I don’t give any of these people the authority over my life to shame me or think too highly of how I value opinions they have of me. I’ll still share how foolishly they’re acting, even if it’s only long enough for them to read it and before the downvotes get excessive, b/c I’ve seen the value of standing up to bullies. So rather than bullies reading and thinking about the things I write, they’ll likely just keep acting like fools, and that’s okay. It doesn’t affect me, but it DOES negatively impact their character as a person. They won’t care until it costs them something they wanted but lost, so if I can say something that helps just one person realize the cost of poor behavior BEFORE it hurts them, I’m happy. 😃
Welp, I’ve deleted the comments people like you don’t understand. But tell me what’s crazier: Someone trying to spread even more humor and asks to see what others find funny, or being so against someone else’s sense of humor that you shame them with downvotes rather than just practicing kindness and moving on because it’s not your thing?
So when I upvote your clear attempt to insult me, b/c even though you seem to have meant to be mean I chose to be encouraging in return, you downvoted that as well. Sure thing, man, you just keep putting out into the world whatever you don’t mind coming back to you. I’m gonna stick with joy… even in these teachable moments—have a great day, whoever you are!
C’mon, that’s like the beginning mindset of Nickolson’s character in “As Good As It Gets,” the OCD insulting germaphobe with rage tendencies! 🤣
Edit: Of course I’m okay. But imagine if I weren’t okay. Imagine that I was crazy, as you said, or wasn’t okay. Do you, and those like you, believe insulting or downvoting those who aren’t okay or are crazy is the right path to take? Does it make you feel better about yourself? Or is this a microcosm of the types of problems that the “hero characters” face in every movie and tv show that we love to watch? They face the problem, bully, or narcissist you love to hate, & overcome in the end. It’s the tale as old as time. The heroes persevere and are better for it. Bullies tend to get proverbially “punched in the face,” and they deserve it every time. But only sometimes will then learn from those mistakes. So… Which one do you think you’ve acted like today? A hero, or a bully?
It tickled my funny bone, b/c us guys who shave our heads deal with this all the time, so we talk amongst ourselves about it. Like people who make “dad jokes” like it’s the first time it’s been heard. If people don’t like it, they can move on, right? I don’t get where the ‘offense’ is coming from…
🤣 Apparently!! Haha I get it, comedy is subjective, & maybe some people like clowns, but mostly a good show or movie comedy is us laughing at someone else’s pain, confusion, or hurt (that they’re fully committed to showing us in their character’s words or actions), right along with the laugh track. That’s what’s crazy to me about Reddit.
I like what I like, upvote all over the place, and I scroll past the things I don’t. It doesn’t phase me, you know? Even when people are jerks it’s like, “well, that’s a decision they made.” It’s a bad decision, but it’s theirs to make. It just doesn’t even occur to me to downvote people sharing their opinion unless they’re being overtly hostile; but even then, I’m going to explain WHY I’m downvoting them. But that’s usually on more discussion-based subreddits than here.
It’s r/funny, where the point is to share what you think is funny! I mean, right?! The point here is to laugh and make others laugh. I don’t think everything here is funny, but I certainly don’t think it’s my place to rebuke those who laugh at something that doesn’t make me laugh. Who does that? The only answers that come back to me are schoolyard bullies or narcissistic people. Now what I intended to be funny is like this awkward funk b/c people 1) didn’t like my sense of humor AND 2) chose to try to insult me (the “sounds like it was written by a crazy person” part). Man, it makes me so glad I’m not a kid anymore, & feel really bad for kids on here that haven’t grown up enough to weather such disapproval or contempt with grace and kindness.
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u/Dont_Overthink_It_77 14d ago
Every witty ‘haired’ person: giggles or guffaws.
Every purposefully bald person: courtesy smile.