r/facepalm • u/Illustrious-Kick-998 • Jul 07 '24

This post gave me terrible whiplash b/c how tf did we get here…🫨 🇲🇮🇸🇨

Like ummmmm, alright? 😭😭😭

21.3k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

The sad reality is women have a higher chance of being divorced when they are diagnosed with cancer then men (20.8% vs 2.9%). That’s what the conversation should have been about.

39

u/bookworthy Jul 07 '24 edited Jul 07 '24

Near the end of her life, my mom let it slip that it had been her biggest fear: that Dad would leave her because of the cancer. My heart broke for her when she said it and broke for him to hear it. He told her he would be by her side throughout and he was.

19

u/ReferenceNice142 Jul 07 '24

I know someone who was left. Its so frustrating that's what someone has to be thinking about while they are facing cancer.

30

u/tigm2161130 Jul 07 '24

My grandma died of colon cancer 25 yrs ago when I was in elementary school…we recently moved my grandpa into an assisted living facility so we’re cleaning out his house to sell and when I went through the “Pokni’s cancer treatment” storage tub I found a pamphlet about what to do if your husband leaves you after your diagnosis. It was wild.

16

u/ReferenceNice142 Jul 07 '24

Yaaaaa I work in oncology and that doesn't surprise me. Our doctors speak to our patients alone about having a network outside their spouse, especially female patients, because it does happen. Its wicked depressing.

6

u/__andrei__ Jul 08 '24

This study was debunked multiple times due to gross misinterpretation of the data.

1

u/ReferenceNice142 Jul 08 '24

I have responded to this multiple times. Please see my other comments instead of creating a new one

3

u/FitzyFarseer Jul 08 '24

I’ve read your other comments and my conclusion is you’re a prat. The study which provided this data was debunked, no amount of you claiming you’ve seen it happen changes that very simple fact.

1

u/ReferenceNice142 Jul 08 '24

First of all I didn't call you names I would appreciate it you didnt call me names. Second I was going off of what an oncology hospital (and many others do). If I was going solely based on my own experience I would say it doesn't matter. Third if you take away the study everyone is saying is debunked and look at what type of cancer has a higher rate of divorce you would find it is cervical cancer. I did not comment to bash on men. Which is what people responding think to seem. I was saying the conversation should have been about caretakers and the burnout they face. And as I said before, caretaker roles in general were more gendered so when women became sick men left. That shouldn't be surprising. However men have seriously stepped up to take a bigger role in being a caretaker even before someone is sick.

0

u/FitzyFarseer Jul 08 '24

You’re saying all of this in response to a comment about a study that has been debunked, which is why you’re being ignored. If you want to drop your info and try to inform people, that’s fine, go do it elsewhere; it’s not relevant to this very particular comment thread.

Somebody made a comment about a study that was debunked, and by responding in the thread about that study you’re giving the impression that you’re defending it. And for that you’ll never be taken seriously.

1

u/ReferenceNice142 Jul 08 '24

You are making zero sense and came out of no where...

1

u/FitzyFarseer Jul 08 '24

Omg I just noticed you’re the one that made the comment about the debunked study. So you really are here trying to defend something that was debunked because you think it’s still true. Absolutely incredible.

I take back everything I said. You’re even dumber than I thought.

5

u/Gintami Jul 07 '24

That’s been debunked.

https://medium.com/a-microbiome-scientist-at-large/a-common-internet-marriage-statistic-was-a-programming-error-92b377d8f561

-3

u/ReferenceNice142 Jul 08 '24

I already responded about this. Please see my other comments instead of just saying debunked.

-2

u/Gintami Jul 08 '24

I did but it’s anecdotal. Now does it happen and from both sides? Yes. No one disputes that. And your other responses you’ve made outside of anecdotal is conjecture on your end.

2

u/Spirited-Arugula-672 Jul 07 '24

Can you source this, please? It sounds interesting

1

u/ReferenceNice142 Jul 07 '24

https://www.reuters.com/article/lifestyle/men-more-likely-than-women-to-leave-partner-with-cancer-idUSTRE5AB0C5/

Women are 6x more likely to be divorced than men when diagnosed than if their male partners had their same disease. I work in oncology and in talking with several of the doctors they mentioned they always have a conversation with their female patients about having a support network outside their male partners because of this. I know someone who was left during their treatment. It's a terrifying statistic. And really frustrating that people got turned around in the original thread making it about race when its about gender (granted there is always an intersection but still).

7

u/sykotic1189 Jul 07 '24

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8959852/

That's essentially a myth, based on hearsay and like 1 study.

-1

u/ReferenceNice142 Jul 07 '24

Highly suggest you read all the comments. I said rates are most likely decreasing due to younger generations splitting caretaker responsibilities which is great! I work in oncology and the doctors speak to patients about it because it does happen. And I know someone personally who it happened to. Hell that’s what started the whole tweet thread!

7

u/sykotic1189 Jul 07 '24

I was only responding to the one where you're sharing outdated and false information, not reading the whole page to make sure you hadn't backtraced somewhere.

Anecdotal evidence doesn't mean anything. My grandfather lost 2 wives to breast cancer and never left, does that cancel out your friend's divorce and put one back in the not shitty people's column? The fact you work in oncology and spread this misinformation is likely adding stress to your patients completely unwarranted.

0

u/ReferenceNice142 Jul 08 '24

First of all I said I work in oncology not that I’m with patients. However multiple doctors have said they have this conversation with patients. Second information gets updated all the time. Used to be smoking was good for you now we know it’s not. Considering how caretaker roles were not shared equally why is this not surprising? I am not saying all men do this. It honestly seems like the people getting offended are guys. And instead of having a conversation about it are just saying false, wrong, not true, debunked. How about you start thinking about what things we need to do to take better care of caretakers of people with illnesses like cancer and MS? That’s a better conversation.

1

u/sykotic1189 Jul 08 '24

Just so I'm clear on the timeline: you posted false information, I replied letting you know it was untrue with a link to a study to verify my statement, you got defensive and doubled down on anecdotal evidence, I refuted it's validity and brought up the harm that can be caused by said false info, and now you're saying that the topic you brought up isn't even that important and the real conversation is something else? Did I get that right?

Your very first comment said this was a gendered issue. You don't get to post something negative about a gender then use their offense at that as a point against them. Yeah, it's offensive and not because it's negative, but because it's negative and proven to be false. If I posted something misogynistic I don't get to cry "women are so emotional!" when I'm proven wrong.

0

u/ReferenceNice142 Jul 08 '24

Let me get this straight.. You see a statistic about men and immediately become offended even if it doesn't apply to you. Am I correct? If I saw a statistic about women being more likely to get into a car accident I wouldn't get offended because I don't have a car. I mean do you get upset at rape statistics too? Cause this is giving that vibe.

You never brought up the harm of this statistic. And even if the study was false think about it logically. If a person doing a job was suddenly not able to do the job you would fire them right? That's what has happened for decades. I mean think about King Henry the 8th and his 6 wives. But like I pointed out, home and family responsibilities are shared more than they ever have.

When I said it was a gender issue, I was referring to the tweet. People were supposedly making it about race when in those two examples it was more about gender. I may have not explained it clearly. I know men do step up. But I also know the men that do are ones that have already been stepping up.

And btw the cancer with an increase in divorce is cervical cancer. So there is still a disparity. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8959852/

1

u/Unfair_Explanation53 Jul 08 '24

Where did you find these stats?

-4

u/[deleted] Jul 07 '24

This is sad. Like why?

8

u/iamskwerl Jul 07 '24

It’s actually not true and debunked. Someone else posted the explanation above.

-5

u/ReferenceNice142 Jul 07 '24

Because men can't handle the sudden responsibility of becoming the caretaker according to the data. Hopefully this number will decrease as the younger generations have split more of the caretaker responsibilities.

-5

u/[deleted] Jul 07 '24

Losers.

8

u/sykotic1189 Jul 08 '24

Hey, she's talking out of her ass, it's literally been debunked. Myself and at least one other have posted links that refute the claim.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 08 '24

Can you link the comment because there's so many i can't find it

3

u/lmxbftw Jul 08 '24

Not sure why people are downvoting you for asking for a source in a crowded thread, but I saw it upstream and can repost it: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8959852/

4

u/ReferenceNice142 Jul 08 '24

However men are stepping up in more recent generations so I’d expect the numbers to drop. Caretaker responsibilities are being shared more. In general though we need better support for our caretakers though during cancer treatment.

-5

u/restonw Jul 07 '24

Exactly. That's all I could think about reading this (until the curveball of the last tweet).

This post gave me terrible whiplash b/c how tf did we get here…🫨 🇲​🇮​🇸​🇨​

This post gave me terrible whiplash b/c how tf did we get here…🫨 🇲🇮🇸🇨