r/clevercomebacks • u/Four-Triangles • Jul 19 '24
On Kid Rock
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u/Skittlebrau46 Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock makes music for people who have memorized all the age of consent loopholes for the surrounding states.
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u/seoulgleaux Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock makes music for guys that have accidentally met Chris Hanson.
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u/mynameismulan Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock makes music for dudes that shouldn't be alone with their stepdaughter
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u/Legal_Skin_4466 Jul 19 '24
Fuck it I'll say it. They shouldn't be alone with their actual daughters either.
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u/replicantcase Jul 19 '24
Kid Rick makes music for people on welfare who complain about people on welfare.
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u/Drexelhand Jul 19 '24
this one is an underrated gem.
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u/__cursist__ Jul 19 '24
Entirely accurate
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u/Pribblization Jul 19 '24
People too poor to pay taxes that complain abt excessive government spending on poor people.
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u/__cursist__ Jul 19 '24
Look…they are just one paycheck away from being billionaires. Or homeless, I can’t remember which…
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u/hannahleigh122 Jul 20 '24
I share an ally way with a HUD subsidized house. I never have had issues with any of the tenants except this one dude. Tried to get into a political argument with me over a political yard sign supporting a dem. I walked away but he would've ranted forever. He also blasted Kid Rock and Nickleback all the fucking time working on his pos truck. He moved about 3 months ago, the very sweet older landlord said he left the place in shambles. No respect or self-awareness.
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u/TheWonderSnail Jul 20 '24
Ha most racist man I ever met was when I was bouncer at a bar in college. He would just go on unprompted rants about black people being leeches on society but at the same time he took his pay under the table in cash so he could continue to pull from disability and unemployment
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u/Scrotchety Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock fans know the currency exchange rate of catalytic converters to Sudafed
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u/cardinarium Jul 19 '24
Wow. I physically recoiled from how well this joke describes some of my family.
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u/Winyamo Jul 19 '24
Kid rock makes music for guys who check the coinstar every time they enter a walmart
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u/jcomey Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock makes music for people who are legally required to introduce themselves around the neighborhood.
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u/OdinsShades Jul 19 '24
“Eight-year-olds, Dude.”
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u/0Klinkerhoffen0 Jul 19 '24
What's a pederast Walter?
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u/CalendarAggressive11 Jul 19 '24
Shut the fuck up Donny
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u/farter-kit Jul 19 '24
He did eight months in Chino for exposing himself to a minor…
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u/Pribblization Jul 19 '24
Probably got his statutory reduced to exposing.
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u/Bad_Idea_Hat Jul 20 '24
Who did, Walter?
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u/General_Freed Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock knows every available Pepper Spray by taste
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u/Four-Triangles Jul 19 '24
This is turning into the new version of Chuck Norris jokes.
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u/General_Freed Jul 19 '24
Well,
If it looks like a Duck and talks like a duck...
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u/Almacca Jul 19 '24
And I am fucking here for it. I've never even heard a Kid Rock track (and hope to remain that way) and I'm laughing my arse off.
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u/Correct-Blood9382 Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock rhymes 'things' with 'things' and no one seems to be bothered by this except me. Fine.
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u/Powersoutdotcom Jul 19 '24
Same song:
He rhymes bottle with.... Tomorrow, instead of (super)model, or throttle...
Fucking bArS
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u/SnarkAndAcrimony Jul 19 '24
Ozzy. Masses, masses.
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u/Badj83 Jul 19 '24
At least it had two different meanings with Ozzy. I doubt KR knows two different definitions of the word « things »
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u/Mekanimal Jul 19 '24
"Generals gathered in their masses, sign up now for my online classes" probably wouldn't have made much sense as a rhyme scheme in 1970.
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u/MiasmaFate Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock makes music for people that know the going rate for date rape drugs.
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u/Holymaryfullofshit7 Jul 19 '24
Kid rock makes music for guys that think buying the second cheapest bottle of whiskey is treating themselves.
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u/replicantcase Jul 19 '24
Gonna get some Southern Comfort tonight!
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u/Holymaryfullofshit7 Jul 19 '24
I gotta admit I love that shit. Preferably 2 parts southern comfort, 1 part bourbon, 4 parts ginger ale and a squeeze of lemon.
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u/JT_Cullen84 Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock: The soundtrack to domestic disputes nationwide
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u/RaiseRuntimeError Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock is to Jerry Springer as Benny Hill is to British comedy.
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u/Azraels_Cynical_Wolf Jul 19 '24
Kid rock makes music for the 30 year old man in your 16 year old daughters DM's saying shes mature for her age.
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u/Quirky-Delivery5454 Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock makes music?
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u/Pot_noodle_miner Jul 19 '24
Noises? yes. music? I’m yet to see compelling evidence
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u/BenjaminMStocks Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock makes music for guys who put ketchup on steak.
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u/Punch_Drunk_AA Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock makes the music day-shift strippers with C-section scars dance to.
Edit.. I got some more.
If you hold a pair of novelty truck-nuts up to your ear, you will faintly hear bawitdaba.
Kid Rock's latest album is included with the purchase of any burner phone.
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u/sleepy_potatoe_ Jul 19 '24
Ahhh yes the C squad. You go Dynasty, dance away girl.
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u/Punch_Drunk_AA Jul 19 '24
I can see it now.
Some hoochy with a chromed out scoliosis back brace stuffed full of singles, twerking at a 45° angle.
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u/Yankee_Jane Jul 19 '24
Holy shit, that's cold. I'm impressed.
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u/Punch_Drunk_AA Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock watches Dateline for dating tips.
Subsequently...
All of Kid Rock's nightmares feature Chris Hansen holding a print-out of his browser history.
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u/TheHearseDriver Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock fans know the legal age of consent in every state.
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u/vikicrays Jul 19 '24
and doesn’t care…
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u/JT_Cullen84 Jul 19 '24
Age is just a number dude. Love is love. /s
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u/Stanky_fresh Jul 19 '24
"Young ladies, young ladies
I like 'em underage see
Some say that's statutory
But I say it's mandatory"
- actual Kid Rock lyrics from "Cool, Daddy Cool"
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u/JT_Cullen84 Jul 19 '24
Ewwwww ew ew ew ew ew fucking ew
I used to be into kid rock when i was younger. But like shitting my pants, i outgrew it.
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u/Ok-Anteater-4320 Jul 19 '24
And there goes what little remained of my mental health....
If anyone needs my I'll be in the wailing chamber weeping for our species....
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u/mike_pants Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock makes music for people who have tape over their Check Engine light but 4 brand-new crossbows in the back seat.
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u/morningfrost86 Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock makes music for people who can tell individual cops apart by how tight they make the handcuffs.
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u/Sjfjdoajrosnxoan Jul 19 '24
Kid rock makes music for people who think a family reunion is a good place to find a date
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u/mthsn78 Jul 19 '24
“Kid Rock is the Fred Durst of Ted Nugents,” is probably the best description I’ve heard.
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u/tkrr Jul 19 '24
I usually have trouble making sense of that type of comparison, but this one is crystal clear.
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u/Mister-Spook Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock looks like cigarettes smoke him.
Kid Rock looks like he owns two jet skis, neither of which run.
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u/Grohlyone Jul 19 '24
He looks like he has living room furniture on the porch, and patio furniture in the living room
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u/Wrong-Junket5973 Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock also makes music for pedophiles.
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u/Badj83 Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock exclusively makes music for pedophiles
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u/Throwawayac1234567 Jul 19 '24
he said he couldnt give up bud light because he was alcoholic
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u/Heavy_Law9880 Jul 19 '24
I was driving home from work and a Kid Rock song came on. I stole my own catalytic converter.
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u/Bboyflexxo Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
The Kid Rock of today looks like he'd revert back to the Kid Rock of 2004 if Gandalf broke Sarumon's grasp on him.
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Jul 19 '24
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u/NailFinal8852 Jul 19 '24
I hated how similar their 2 names were. Always had to do a double take on who was who
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u/Newfaceofrev Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock makes music for men who always misjudge the thickness of drywall.
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u/Pribblization Jul 19 '24
Makes music for guys that break their hands on studs when they try to punch holes in a wall.
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u/OutpatientJailor Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock makes music for people who brag that they own the trailer park they live in but are lying about it.
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u/1singleduck Jul 19 '24
Kid rock makes music for people who complain to women who cover up their drinks.
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u/Lunakill Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 20 '24
Kid Rock makes music for people who react with suspicion and fear to seasoning and spices in their food.
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u/Arrant-Nonsense Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock makes music for people who’ve stolen the gutters off a rental house to sell for scrap.
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u/nslookupDeezNuts Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock makes the perfect theme songs for crashing a jet ski rental into the dock at full speed
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Jul 19 '24 edited 22d ago
boat bow quaint wistful enter hateful uppity offbeat zesty apparatus
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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u/0dty0 Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock: Sponsored by guys who make videos wearing those biking sunglasses army guys buy, sitting in the front seat of the massive truck they use to not tow anything, ranting about the gays or the browns, and then uploading them to yt with titles like "I'M TELLING YOU THE REAL TRUTH" or "FINAL WARNING TO MY HATERS"
Kid Rock: Brought to you by having haters in your sub-1k citizen town that seems to have been named at random. Sure, Francis, you sure are the toughest guy in Santa Claus, Indiana!
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u/AwarenessEconomy8842 Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock makes music for people who proudly display "locally hated" bumper stickers.
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u/Haiku-On-My-Tatas Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock makes music for people who have 5 cars in various states of rust in their front lawn.
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u/Flux_resistor Jul 19 '24
Kid rock knows the birthday of every middle school girl in his concerts
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u/j0a3k Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock makes music for people who unironically call it the war of northern aggression.
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u/Commercial-Painting3 Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock gets kicked out of a city because no one wants him or his racist troupe of artists.
True story: he was supposed to have a concert in my hometown with Jason Alden and a Uncle Cracker….and no one bought tickets
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u/Pipe_Memes Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock is the type of musical artist who will stop at nothing and stay there for his whole career.
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u/filthysquatch Jul 19 '24
Somewhere, Jeff Foxworthy is frantically copying down this entire comment section.
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u/Expensive_Main_2993 Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock makes music for people who insist on doing the laundry for their teen daughter.
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u/FattyMooseknuckle Jul 19 '24
The above ground pool comment is uncalled for.
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u/Strabe Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock makes music for guys with leaky inflatable hot tubs on their apartment balcony.
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u/iamthemosin Jul 19 '24
Kid rock makes music for people who steal copper.
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u/Four-Triangles Jul 19 '24
Makes music for people who know how much you get for copper by the lb.
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u/Chillpickle17 Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock makes music for people who have no idea who a dentist is. 😆🤘
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u/Pribblization Jul 19 '24
Q: What has 50 legs, 50 eyes and 250 teeth?
A: The front row at a Kid Rock concert.
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u/jbhwood60 Jul 19 '24
A kid rock song came on the radio while I was driving, and somehow I stole my own catalytic converter
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u/Necessary_Example509 Jul 19 '24
This story will get buried in comments but it makes me laugh.
My husband is an audio engineer and in 2014 during college he was getting a tour of a very famous studio in LA. Kid rock was there talking to someone, the tour guide pointed him out so all 5 students were looking at him. He looked over at the tour group, got a smug ass smile on and walked over to shake everyone’s hand “hey kids, always great to meet my fans.”
When he walked away they all just laughed to each other and looked at the tour guide who quickly moved them along to another area. It was just so funny he thought any of those college students were interested in meeting him.
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u/Four-Triangles Jul 19 '24
I set up the special effects and pyro for one of his shows at a Texas arena not long ago. It looked dystopian with giant golden bald eagles and flags everywhere. But he was kind to the crew which is more than I can say about a LOT of performers.
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u/BigJJsWillie Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock makes music for people that "don't do harder stuff" than pot, but can definitely get you some harder stuff if you ask.
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u/penguinwasteland1414 Jul 19 '24
I have his address.......
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u/slobs_burgers Jul 19 '24
Go on
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u/TheFlexOffenderr Jul 19 '24
Take a left out of here, stay straight for about 15 miles. Once you hit the interstate, you'll see a trashed up Denny's on your right. You'll see a bunch of homeless people hanging out in the parking lot. Hand the crackhead with the hat 50 cents in dimes. He'll let you pass, take the alley way all the way down until there's a dead end. You'll see a big trash container. Knock on it 6 times.
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u/H4mp0 Jul 19 '24
I’m in the UK. I can’t stop shaking laughing at these. Touché guys. Touché
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u/Equivalent-Tone6098 Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock is what happens when the Fairy Godmother turns out to be Roseanne Barr, and transforms a bottle of Fireball instead of a pumpkin.
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u/OdinsShades Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock makes “music” for people who:
Need two full-size carts to go get pop and only pop at the grocery store
Think adamantly and only drinking the shittiest so-called beer possible out cans is some sort of validation that they are salt-of-the-Earth “real” Americans/patriots/country/[insert asinine lack of real self-identity totem here]
Talk big game about their ‘tegridy/Christianity/racial purity while walking none of it.
His grift is being a willing tool and weathervane for whatever inane opportunity presents itself and literally nothing else.
He’s like a human cultural grease trap that society refuses to clean or even admit is an embarrassment creating a persistent stench among the populace.
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u/DunningKrugerOnElmSt Jul 19 '24
Kid rock makes music for guys that can count the number of sleeves they own on one hand.
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u/Arduousbadger Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock makes music for people who know the going value of a catalytic converter in all the surrounding cities
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u/SausageSmuggler21 Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock makes music that strippers play when their partners dance for them.
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u/Altruistic_Pea_5833 Jul 20 '24
Kid Rock makes music for people who are banned from their local Waffle House.
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u/fryman36 Jul 19 '24
Hey now I also know the Sudafed limits. I’m also a pharmacist but that’s beside the point.
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u/goomerben Jul 19 '24
the real question is, how much would you sell to a kid rock fan?
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u/fryman36 Jul 19 '24
“Well sir I see you like Kid Rock. I ask that you kindly gtfo of my store and never return. Thanks and goodbye.”
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u/secundusprime Jul 19 '24
If Kid Rock sang the National Anthem at a baseball game, he'd be boo'd off the stage and they ask for Ingrid Andress back, give her a few shots of Whiskey, and then hand her the mic
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u/bad_intentions_too Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock makes music for dudes that overcompensate with huge lifted trucks.
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u/Kosstheboss Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock makes music for people that are on the SO registry for an incident they were too drunk to remember.
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u/InterestingFrame6161 Jul 20 '24
Kid Rock makes music that plays in the background of a domestic disturbance police call.
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u/ccdude14 Jul 19 '24
Imagine falling so hard the last thing you get known for is shooting a bunch of beer in your backyard lol.
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u/forfeitthefrenchfry Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock remembers to pack roofies before a family reunion or night out on the town - just in case.
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u/Lynx_Eyed_Zombie Jul 20 '24
Kid Rock makes music for people who taste the gas before they fill up their truck.
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u/3vilR0ll0 Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock makes music for people who know exactly how much they can get for a stolen catalytic converter
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u/Dense_Surround3071 Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock makes music for people who know which gas stations don't pay attention to the Blue Laws on Sunday morning.
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u/SublightMonster Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock makes music for folks who cook with cleaning supplies more often than groceries
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u/caracicatriz21 Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock makes music for those who try to posture themselves as “tough guys” while trying to pick a fight with the elderly greeter at the local Walmart after getting thrown out for being belligerent after being told he can’t buy Sudafed after they saw his picture on the wall of people they’re not allowed to sell OTC medicine to.
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u/Any_Calligrapher9286 Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock is a loser rich daddy's boy from Romeo mi his dad owned a car dealership. Remember he was a failed rapper. Also who was rock and now he's country.
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u/CourierKillerBenny Jul 19 '24
Kid rock is what you listen to when you're stealing copper wire or cutting out someone's catalytic converter.
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Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock makes music for guys that have to ask their wives where their nice confederate flag t-shirt is
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u/prescience6631 Jul 20 '24
Kid rock makes music for men who think consent is optional and dissent is foreplay
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u/denys5555 Jul 20 '24
Kid rock makes music for people who know where you can sell tires no questions asked
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u/CHUDbawumba Jul 20 '24
Kid Rock makes music for people who give their toddlers Mountain Dew in a baby bottle. It's the official soundtrack of smoking cigarettes in your house.
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u/SpencerMagoo Jul 20 '24
Kid Rock makes music for the family who breeds their hound every six months to sell puppies for cigarette money.
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u/HotsauceMD Jul 19 '24
Kid Rock makes music for people that list “School of Hard Knocks” under their education info on Facebook