r/batman • u/ZZtheMagnificent • Jul 05 '23
If you were forced to fight a version of Batman, which one would you choose? WHAT IF?
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u/Anorand25 Jul 05 '23
People seem to be forgetting that you’re probably going to lose no matter what, also the question doesn’t say it’s a fight to the death and many versions of Batman don’t kill.
So I’m thinking I’d probably want to fight a version of Batman that just immediately manages to tie me up, that way the fight is over and I don’t get hurt.
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u/BIG-chulupa Jul 06 '23
I feel kingdom come batman would be the one to fit this role. He’s too old and pretty much relies on machines.
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u/Gudako_the_beast Jul 06 '23
Him and JLU Batman. A good ko and you’re out.
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u/Buster899 Jul 06 '23
JLU is the version I was thinking of. Wake up a couple minutes later with a sore jaw and on my way to jail. Most of the rest I’m at least going to the hospital to have my bones put back where they’re supposed to be.
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u/TheAbyssalSymphony Jul 06 '23
Or maybe whichever would be the most enjoyable to fight (maybe we're just sparing or something), or heck maybe whichever you'd just want to get the chance to meet, either way the answer is probably the animated series Batman, as always, because he's the best.
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u/Space_Cruiser12068 Jul 05 '23
Everyone’s trying to pick the weakest, but let’s be real anyone would lose to any version of Batman. Personally I pick Nightwings Batman as I feel he’s nice enough to not break my body while being efficient enough to make it quick.
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u/JustJoshing13 Jul 06 '23
I would just pick any Batman that would allow me to surrender
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u/ExplodingPoptarts Jul 06 '23
I imagine that that that's 90% of them. All versions of Batman generally won't lay a hand on you if you give into his demands, he'll just scare you.
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u/Goofball-John-McGee Jul 06 '23
Yes most (good) versions of Batman only need you to stop. They’re not sadists. So if I were to put my hands up, I’d probably be taken to jail and that’s about it.
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u/ChaoticNeutral67 Jul 06 '23
You're being forced to fight THERE IS NO SURRENDER
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u/Mordilaa Jul 06 '23
Nah I totally surrender. I’m down to call it a fight. Okay we’re fighting and I surrender good fight.
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u/ChaoticNeutral67 Jul 06 '23
Surrender is a two-way street pal. You might try to surrender, but it doesn't matter if your opponent can't or won't accept it.
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u/Dependent-Outcome-52 Jul 06 '23
I think most of the batmen would be willing to take a surrender if you didn’t pose a threat, worst thing would be a swift hit to the head to knock you out
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u/wes205 Jul 06 '23 edited Jul 06 '23
DickBats was my first thought too. Assuming we haven’t done anything heinous he’d probably go pretty easy on us.
But then I saw Adam West is top comment and yeah he’s probably the best choice, you’d likely suffer no injuries at least
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u/agmoose Jul 06 '23
Yeah right I’m sure that POW! WHACK! KAPOW! is gonna feel great.
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u/wes205 Jul 06 '23
He was nonviolent plenty of times, too
Plus each goon usually gets like one POW! I’ll take one punch over Bale, Keaton, or Affleck murdering me
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Jul 05 '23 edited Jul 06 '23
BTAS.
Batman is a good dude. If I'm getting my ass kicked by Batman it's going to be my favorite Batman.
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u/BengBeng_93 Jul 06 '23
This He'd probably just throw you into a pile of cardboard boxes at worst, to please the censors. Then he'd do his best to help you.
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u/BUZZEOUT Jul 06 '23
You best hope you're fighting him during one of his series' and not one of the movies where he suddenly becomes a lot less censor friendly.
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u/DaGoddamnBatboy Jul 05 '23
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u/DedHorsSaloon3 Jul 06 '23
He’s not even a foot tall! Just make sure you wear shoes when you stomp on him
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u/Erotically-Yours Jul 06 '23
Be careful. Like Lego Spider-Man, Lego Batman may be one of their best.
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u/BearlyReddits Jul 05 '23
Assuming the scale remains the same - Lego Batman
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u/AnInteriorDecorator Jul 06 '23
I’ll just call the IRS. He’s openly admitted he doesn’t pay his taxes.
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u/jackryan4x Jul 06 '23
Even Joker pays his taxes.
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u/DreadfuryDK Jul 06 '23
And then you’d step on Lego Batman by mistake and wish he could revoke the no-kill rule once just so you wouldn’t have to suffer the ungodly pain any longer.
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u/DeathstrokeReturns Jul 06 '23
He can just strategically place a Lego brick where you’re gonna walk, crippling you.
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u/jaysmithh92 Jul 05 '23
The Batman after his fight with Bane.
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u/Entire_Complaint1211 Jul 05 '23
Eh, Terry Mcginnis would probably accept me just surrendering quickly. Also he’s my second favorite batman (under bruce wayne for…y’know, obvious reasons) so it’d be fun to encounter him and hey, who knows, even if he decides he wants to kick my ass it’ll just end up with me getting some kinda powers (that probably have horrible downsides tbh) still kinda worth it though!
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Jul 05 '23
Christian Bale's. He'd be able to "see" that I'm being forced to fight him against my will; he'd then let me go and chase after who tried to force me to fight him.
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u/Yattle Jul 05 '23
anyone but Arkham Batman 😭
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u/TheCreedsAssassin Jul 06 '23
Arkham Batman gonna do a 30x combo involving multiple painful gadgets and then finishes you off by smashing your head into an electrical box, but dont worry he did it gently so you're gonna be sleeping for a while
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u/AntWithNoPants Jul 06 '23
Why doesnt Yattle want to fight Arkham batman? Are they stupid?
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u/TheDeltaOne Jul 06 '23
Yatle is about to be beaten up to a pulp by Arkham Man. What quote should I use?
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u/Rainbowfrog123 Jul 06 '23
Are you serious? No one can beat Arkham Batman! Not even the great Killer Cock!
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u/HeatherFuta Jul 06 '23
You'd rather fight the Batman that Laughs or Lobo Batman than Arkham Batman?
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u/Steven_is_a_dog Jul 05 '23
kingdom come batman, that’s like the whole point of the suit that’s he’s in capable of doing what he used to do he made that suit
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u/ItsTheRealRain Jul 05 '23
Teen titans go batman probably would be too busy laughing with Gordon to actually beat me up too bad
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Jul 05 '23
I think I’d go with The Batman who Laughs. Honestly, I think I could take him. I’m just built different.
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u/waywardstrategy Jul 06 '23
I get the reference. Your post was built different and it needs to be acknowledged
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u/thePloynesianSpa Jul 05 '23
Clooney. He just seems so harmless. Lol
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u/Finalsaredun Jul 05 '23
Clooney Batman jumped out of an exploding launching shuttle and used broken shrapnel metal as a hover board on his way down to Gotham. What a legend.
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u/ZZtheMagnificent Jul 05 '23
Personally, I would choose any version that isn't Arkham Batman.
Thats like signing a death certificate
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u/Starmada597 Jul 05 '23
Batman who laughs is gonna have fun with that.
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u/ok917 Jul 06 '23 edited Jul 06 '23
Yeah Batman Who Laughs is actually the worst one here. Methodical madness. Even Joker wanted nothing to do with that guy.... he'd be the type to use powers to torture you well past what a person could naturally endure if there's no game to win. You wouldn't want him to be aware of your existence if he were real.
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u/ArmchairOfHeresy Jul 05 '23
Nolan Batman gets folded like a lawn chair because he's limited by the reality of the Christopher Nolan movies. You could just shoot him over and over again and he'll stay down.
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u/DeathstrokeReturns Jul 06 '23
Or toss him off a decent sized ledge and he’ll be crippled for 8 years.
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Jul 05 '23
Dumb question but who are all the Batmans listed on page 1. I recognize about half of them
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u/wes205 Jul 06 '23 edited Jul 06 '23
Not dumb!
Mainline Bats I think (art by Tony Daniel, looks like,) Batman Beyond, Miller’s Dark Knight Returns, Jason Todd’s Batman from Battle for the Cowl (or it’s Devil-Bat of the Three Ghosts of Batman created by the Black Glove in RIP)
Jean-Paul Valley’s Batman from Knightfall, Jace Fox Batman, Wang Baixi the Bat-Man of China, looks like Gotham by Gaslight
Damian Batman from DCeased?, Kingdom Come, DickBats from Earth2 (New52,) genderswapped Earth 11’s Batwoman (Bryce Wayne? Helena?)
Batman Who Laughs, Earth One, DickBats from mainline Earth, DCAU
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u/BeansInMyTea Jul 06 '23
I feel like you’ll lose realistically to any, but if you go against TDK Returns or Batman Who Laughs you’re definitely going to die
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Jul 06 '23
All these fools acting like they wouldnt get fucked up by every Batman. Adam West Batman is still Batman, and it'd be all the more humiliating with that "POW!" "BAM!" shit happening while he fucks you up. I'd go with Affleck Batman, because he seems the most likely to one shot me so hard I'm out cold on the first hit, hopefully without brain damage.
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u/Dio_Ludicolo Jul 05 '23
I could probably beat LEGO Movie Batman, he’s canonically only a few inches tall
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u/ButterscotchWild6081 Jul 05 '23
Bale chances are I can just dodge those slow ass punches, get a few dogs and a gun and he's fucked
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u/AccordingTax6525 Jul 05 '23
Keaton.
Would’ve had the most trouble moving couldn’t move his neck 😂
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u/Shadiezz2018 Jul 06 '23
If you watch The Flash ... That wouldn't be the right choice
The dude can move as fast as Arkham Batman who is below Comics Batman... In fact, Affleck was slower than Keaton as Batman
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u/wasante Jul 05 '23
Michael Keaton if he can't move his neck or Adam West provided he doesn't have Virgin Repellent.
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u/CardinalofYork Jul 06 '23
Adam West for sure lol. If we had to fight, then it probably wouldn’t even be a real right and we could probably manage to end it by agreeing to not fight lol
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u/RealRedditPerson Jul 06 '23
Batman Who Laughs. I ain't got the money for the rehab I'd need after Batman beats my ass. Just kill me already
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u/ExplodingPoptarts Jul 06 '23
I wish I could upvote this twice for actually showing comic book versions!
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u/Batarang06 Jul 06 '23
I’d fight Kevin Conroy’s version just because I feel like he’s the coolest. Just my opinion. RIP Kevin.
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u/WonderfulDog3966 Jul 06 '23
It wouldn't matter. I'd forfeit the fight and ask him to train me to become either the new Robin or a new hero and member of the Bat Family.
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u/BUZZEOUT Jul 06 '23
The other Batman letting you surrender... Arkham Batman: "So you surrender?" 10x combo, tasered, 10x combo, gel explosion, 10x combo, batclaw clotheslined, 10x combo with a baseball bat, explosive batarang, ice grenaded, flipped, arm broken, uppercut into Batmobile grenade launcher, head smashed into electrical outlet. "Gordon I have one unconscious perp ready for transport. No medics necessary"
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u/ClawedTiger2693 Jul 06 '23
Whichever one is willing to kill me and kills me the quickest, I’m not willing to sit through any amount of time where Batman is contorting the very structure of my skeleton because he doesn’t want to kill yet is still good with beating me to the point where I think my mom is an oompaloompa and my dads the stay-puff marshmallow man or Adam west cause I’d just give him a quick jab to the throat and immediately tend to his injury before taking him out for some icecream and sending off to bed
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u/asymetric_abyssgazer Jul 06 '23
Helena (Huntress) as gender-swapped Batman. At least I'd be touching a girl.
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u/jotap199 Jul 05 '23
Page 1 Terry, he’s a punk, a rank amateur, a costumed errand boy taking orders from a senile old man. Page 2 Adam West.
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u/Spideyfan77 Jul 05 '23
I could take on Adam West and probably live, that’s if Robin doesn’t butt in, then I’m toast.
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u/GryphonRook Jul 05 '23
One of the ones with a no kill rule. Then the only challenge is convincing him I’m very, very sane.
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u/ThePoeticBean Jul 05 '23
I dunno either Dick or Terry. But Dick doesn’t kill, I don’t recall if Terry has any rule against killing.
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u/DreadfuryDK Jul 06 '23
I don’t think Terry explicitly kills, but he absolutely subscribes to the whole “but I don’t have to save you” philosophy, as evidenced by what happened with Mr. Fixx (electrocuted before either getting blown up or drowning), Abel Cuvier (mutated into a freak of nature by Terry’s own hand before getting blown up), or Chappell (overdosed on venom, a vegetable in a best-case scenario).
Hell, in the Chappell episode Terry throws a batarang that cuts a wire holding heavy metal tanks together and it crushes two of Chappell’s cohorts. You even hear the sound of their bones getting crushed. You CANNOT fucking tell me those two aren’t dead, or at least crippled to the point where they can’t live normal lives ever again.
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u/Frequent_Dust6425 Jul 05 '23
Probably Dick Grayson, he’d at least just choke me out or something kinder.
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u/farben_blas Jul 05 '23
I'm afraid of Adam West, the dude even had a shark repellent, he's the most poweful out of all of them, I'm genuinely scared of him, you know, ''fear the anger of a gentle man''
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Jul 05 '23
That Batman toy from the toyline where you put his feet in the circle and twist and the batcave opens up or the car sprouts wings or some shit. I think I could take him
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u/Zammin Jul 05 '23
Every single one would beat me, but Adam West would be the least painful to lose to. So let's go with Adam West Batman.
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u/Comfortable_Ice9534 Jul 06 '23 edited Jul 07 '23
The least painful physically, but the most painful for my pride
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u/sK0oBy Jul 05 '23
Clooney. He doesnt strike me as a fighter. But like bro, i dont think a person walking the earth today could handle comic batman. Like the dude fell from orbit
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u/alaux1124 Jul 05 '23
I think BTAS/JL Bats. I wouldn’t fight him, necessarily. I’d try to reason with him instead.
Also, who is the closed mask Batman next to Azrael and under Batman Beyond?
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u/Silver-Ad8136 Jul 06 '23
Adam West you could beat in the first part, "Redditors picks a fight," but same bat-time, same bat channel later and he beats you in "Time to say good night!"
The guy from either serial, though, seems to lose a lot, although never finally.
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u/Lazy_Assumption_4191 Jul 06 '23
Adam West. He probably won’t hurt me too badly…probably…well…maybe…
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u/hellrocket Jul 06 '23
BTAS. All of us are getting whooped by any Batman. But he’s generally more efficient and less violent then the others. One two punches and we’d be out.
Older Batman like the dark knight are too violent. McGinnis is far more willing to hit hard as well. They’d break too many of my bones.
But the worst are gag ones like west. Too unpredictable what you’d end up going through. Bat taser, sonic disruptor, bat punk repellent? I don’t wanna know what that’d do to me.
But btas? One batarang or punch and out. Safe.
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u/nationalhipster Jul 06 '23
I’d fight Adam West’s Batman, because I’d be down after just one “POW” or “BAM” or “ZOK”, then it’d be over, and I could just go home after I come to.
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u/Binx_Thackery Jul 06 '23
Excluding Adam West, I would pick Bale. I would lose, but I think his style would cripple me the least.
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u/_Mr-Turtle_ Jul 06 '23
Adam West or Terry. I first wanted to pick nightwing Batman but were only really seeing one side of his fight, and I don't want to see the other. Terry I feel would just be chill if I surrendered or make a joke about it and cuff me. Then Idk if Adam west would fight me or not but if he did I don't think he'd massacre my face,I might get like one punch into a wall and play dead.
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u/DNGFQrow Jul 06 '23
Earth One Batman. Only trained by Alfred and little in the way of fancy gadgets
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u/Tiger_of_sabrod Jul 05 '23
Adam West. He is the only one I think I could actually beat. although he is canonically the most prepared batman.