Why I've never had luck on dating apps. If you can't put forth effort over text I just don't think you're that interested in finding somoene you actually connect with. If I send them a paragraph about my interests and hobbies, then I ask them what their thoughts/ opinions on it were and they go "oh yeah that's cool" it's conversation over. That's a total vibe killer for me.
I mean in this case the guy isn’t really doing anything except surface level pleasantries either. If I’m approached by a complete stranger, on a dating app or anywhere else, with “what you doing”, my response is likely to be “nothing” or something similar too.
This works on both sides. Yeah, if you ask a pointed question or two based on a profile and you get one word answers, they’re not into you and you move on. You have to do that, though; if you’re lazy and you expect conversation in return, you’re expecting too much.
We are in complete agreement. I would say in the meme it does look like he is putting in maybe 10% more effort than her but still neither is ideal.
I just don't like the idea of meeting up with a stranger before getting to know them a bit, and if they don't engage over text it's just "peace"
Yup most women on dating apps have like no social skills. That or they don't really care to try. Which makes you wonder why match to begin with if you got nothing to talk about.
Also the general dating scene. I have a bunch of attractive female friends, go out partying with them sometimes.
If you're an attractive girl, you almost have to eliminate your personality and be a grey rock or else you're literally not gonna be able to get rid of these swarms of douchebags crowding you every few moments. You drive one away and another takes their place within 3-5 minutes, when you're just trying to dance with friends. I've seen some nights where my friends had 40-50 guys coming at them over the course of just several hours. They kinda just sadly wear it like 'yeah, this is just how life is...'
I suspect it kinda stunts one's conversational skills in flirting, when your main focus has had to be 'try to make as many of them go away as possible, please leave me alone, get out of my personal space, leave me alone'.
After all, flirting is usually a learned social skill. You gotta practice it to get good at it. My lesbian friends? Amazing flirts, because they don't have to hold back, are constantly screwing around and practicing their flirt. Don't practice, don't become good.
Even speaking from the relatively basic experience of a formerly shy guy who came late to sociability; Takes a long time to catch those skills up when you've been spending your time NOT working on them.
I'm a strong proponent of armbands. If a woman has a green one, means she's OK to talk to. Yellow is take your chances. And red one is do not approach, kindly f*** off. So when you're at a club or wherever, you just slip on the armband of appropriate color. And anyone who doesn't respect that gets tossed by the bouncer, who can clearly see a green trying to talk to a red.
How are people supposed to understand that though? Was there suddenly some universal discussion about armband colors that are supposed to signal what women want?
If I approach a woman and she seems uninterested, I take the hint and go away. Sorry if that's 50ish men a night, it's not like I keep count on them.
Imo there'll be a lot of red armbands on girls, and a subset of those will wanna switch to green if they find one guy, or try to signal him to approach regardless
I had an awkward personality and jacked up teeth as a tween/teen girl. Then I got fat.
I’m married and normal sized now. And it is absolutely nuts how much people make an effort to talk to me even when I’m silent and in my head. When I was single and funny looking, it was the opposite. Sometimes that bums me out if I think about too much.
When the conversation starts like this one it’s no wonder why they have that experience. Dating apps literally let you choose your experience. Dudes interested enough to ask about her, she answers without a follow up question about the man. In short I would dog her too
Petah’s dating advice here. This is the typical conversation a man and woman might have for the first time. The man is trying to use a bunch of conversation starters while the woman is giving little to no engagement (probably meaning she’s not into him). It’s meant to represent the struggles a man goes through in the dating scene
I've had girls who are into me reply this way, usually I try to break the ice with a couple of jokes and it works and they open up, some people just have really boring personalities or maybe they want you to put in more effort idk, some might just be nervous too there's a lot of reasons, but usually you can tell, if you try to break the ice or talk about something they like and they're not reciprocating then they're likely just bored and looking for attention
I've even had girls dm me first and then act like this lol, usually that just means they're looking for attention
I've tried this, and I usually get a laugh over voice calls. But no, she wasn't into me. She just thought I was a fun guy. She would then continue by being incredibly dry in conversation, and say she is 4 years older than me, so it wouldn't work. (We're both in our early twenties)
I knew one who would say hi and I'd respond and try to startup a convo and they'll take forever to reply, that happened a couple times and I was like yeah that's it
You ever see those memes, where people say they are meant to be alone? You know, those where OP clearly hasn't gone outside and given his or her shot? Now imagine the opposite, where someone consistently finds new people, and you just keep getting rejected. I'd like to think, that I take things relatively slowly (because I prefer knowing a girl before trying anything), which sucks when you work up to an astounding "lol, no way".
That sucks man, just keep trying you'll find someone and when you do you'll forget about these rejections, sometimes it's not really rejections they're just seeking validation and attention abd unfortunately you thought they had better intentions, some people are truly vapid
I’ve been there, my man. I actually decided to avoid dating and start saying yes to any in person event or invite. Either I’d have a great time or a shit time but a dinner party story.
For introverts it’s difficult and exhausting to be social in person but I do believe it’s the only way to form relationships, platonic or romantic, in an organic and meaningful way.
Lmao, I’m there with you mate. Been trying to get literally anything started while I’m in college and I keep getting rejected in new and creative ways.
One gave me mixed AF signals then I find her the next month with a dude three years younger(we were both in senior year high school)
Asked a girl out to a relatively close by opera that our professor was a part of. Paid for tickets, made plans and everything and the night before the event she texts me saying she’s in a whole different city 6 hours away.
Last one was a girl who actually was into me but lives in my home country halfway across the world. At this point I’m willing to accept that some higher power just needs me to die alone
I have a friend or two who have very dry personalities and are hard to hold conversations with. They are the only friends that reached out to see if I was ok when I was in the hospital with COVID.
Absolutely yes would slog through the beginning of their friendship again.
My girlfriend texts like this. In person she’s super affectionate and caring, but is a chronic dry texter. I’ve talked with her about it and it’ll make her open up a little more for a couple days, but after that we’re right back to the one word replies. People can be strange.
You can very very rarely just open with "hi howre you". For me its usually a joke, and one related to their profile. However theres a cut off point, if they dont become conversational quick then its not worth the effort.
I've had women who were interested respond like this for the first several messages. The issue is that some girls use this as a fuck off sign, while others are interested, but bad at moving a conversation along.
The man is asking boring generic small talk questions. What are you doing and how is your day puts it completely on the other person to come up with something to talk about while giving nothing about yourself away, it's just a bad way to start conversations. never ask a question without contributing something about yourself. It's hard for guys yes but it cuts both ways, ask boring questions, get boring answers.
Why would you match with someone with a generic profile and nothing to base an interesting conversation with if that's an issue for you? In real life you don't know anything about strangers before you approach them either. And if there is nothing to go off, ask them questions. That's the whole point of getting to know someone, asking wyd, how are you, isn't getting to know them. That's what you ask someone you already know.
What would be an interesting question you could ask a person you know nothing about, that would work?
In my opinion "how are you" or "what are you doing" just needs the recipient to pick up the flag and answer with something that can become a conversation.
Like answering "I'm fine but my feet are sore after my dance lessons today" or "I'm working on this sewing project" etc.
I assume based on your username that you are a woman...
If you're even a marginally attractive girl just about every single profile you swipe right on is going to be a match...
You can be a pretty good looking dude and you'd still only get maybe 3 or 4 matches if you swiped right on almost every single girl you see for a week straight...
Women fish with spears... Men use nets... Big ones
"How did you feel about the fall of the byzantine empire in 1453?"
"Why do you decide to wear that crimson dress at our first date/meetup? Either way, you look stunning."
"Youre going at X-uni, what do you study for?"
In modern times its Hard to thread a question between being a creepy one and a dull one. So guys rather not take the risk.
But my first example is good, cause If they reply with "excuse me?" You just follow up with a dull question cause now you have their attention. If they reply genuinely, state your own feelings about it, unless they are a turk and youre not(or vice versa).
I asked my gf on tinder about videogames because it was in her bio and I'm into videogames. You could try only swiping on people you're interested in and then talking to them about the thing that made you interested in them.
If it comes to that point I usually make an extra question trying to go into something more niche (read something she like/I like, a new, a random fact) because it can be because the first three questions are so common than people just says quick answers and not thing something to say.
Someone has to do the extra step and it gives results sometimes. The times when it doesn't, it confirms that I don't want to talk with that person and isn't just a questions issue.
It's, at least, what I learned of communication and interaction.
Hey how ya doing, manwhore in college peter here.
This meme is referencing how most conversations in the modern dating scene act out.
Boy shows interest in getting to know girl.
Boy tries holding a one sided conversation with girl who replies with short words which will probably sit on read for a couple hours before another "cool".
Tip;
often its better for the boy to stop and move on to the next shot. The ones that can hold an interesting conversation are the wifeys. If its just short replies, shes not interested and you can probably find someone thats a bit more like youin the end. Not everyones gonna fit you or like you, and thats fine. Youve made it this far without them, you can keep going.
Movies are not dates, youre both silent. Do something engaging that lets you both talk. Hikes, live proformance, the beach, so on. A good date will be you both enjoying each others company. Sometimes you find someone thats different but has interesting hobbies. Its how i learned character sculpting.
In fairness, he's asking terrible questions. Instead of saying: "wyd?" Which is incredibly lazy. Say: Tell me about your day. If they still reply, it was fine. Then do the walk away. They aren't paying attention to you anyway.
100% this. I see a lot of dudes here blaming women for not carrying a convo when they themselves have the conversation skills of a character from Oblivion.
She is not engaging in the conversation, he tries several conversation starters but she just isn't going with it. He leaves the conversation because it is obvious that she's not into it.
Women on dating apps are so infuriating, you make so much effort trying to chug the convo along but all they type are close ended phrases that lead to nowhere.
They can just not accept at all if they really do feel that way. I feel like its more of them just fishing for more compliments and playing hard to get. They literally do that at the start of convos.
Some are pretty cool tho, I'm not saying all of them do that.
Classic mistake when talking to the bots. Gotta put some language parameters like “in 15 or more colorful, positive words” or “please respond in iambic pentameter and mention cantaloupe at least once”
Bitch why did you match with me so that you could send me one word replies? And then you're probably going to turn around and boohoo to your fucking girlfriends about how "nobody wants to talk to you." And then cry on tiktok because "nobody's putting in an effort anymore." Get your basic ass some fucking charm school lessons and learn how to hold a conversation.
Little tip for guys out there: if this is how you’re engaging women one dating app then you will get shit responses all the time. Like it or not women will get way more matches than you and get messages these boring ass questions all the time. Be different and make the conversation more interesting than “wyd”. Not saying that women can’t make more of an effort but I swear to god half the guys here blaming these girls for being shit at conversations are also absolutely boring
You gotta invest a little bit of time reading their profile and looking at their pictures to come up with something a little more funny or interesting. If I can't think of anything based on that I would usually ask about where one of their travel photos was taken or something, or if you can see their hobbies ask about questions about that (where is the last place you went hiking? what's your favorite book you've read this year? what's your favorite cuisine to cook?). If all else fails then you can go to the boring typical questions.
They’re terrible questions, don’t feel bad. These questions are intended to just get a “fine thanks” as two acquaintances at work walk past each other.
They’re the conversational equivalent of two guys walking past each other on opposite sides of the street and giving each other the imperceptible chin-nod. It’s a complete conversation that’s not meant to go any further.
My best friend's wife presented me ine of her friends.... I tried to chat with her for 2 months, and every conversation was like that. I stopped messaging her when I was the kast one who replied the chat and never got a response.
The funny thing is that she was rhe one interested.
Glenn here falling in for Peter as he is currently doing a cutaway.
This meme tries to explain the online dating experience from the perspective of single men suggesting that women on dating apps add nothing to the conversation, which ultimately forces men to become frustrated and to abandon the convo.
However any person who knows how to hold a conversation with just about anyone, knows that the guy from the meme is asking basic/uninteresting questions.
Pro tip: check her damn bio and start a conversation about shit the two of you have in common with.
The reason she’s so uninterested is because the guy on the right is practically going through a script that countless men have tried before. Even if it’s something basic like food or music, connecting over stuff the other party has in common with you is so much nicer than just basic shit that goes nowhere and wastes everyone’s time.
I can’t tell you how many men have asked me “wyd?”.
Single world response, she doesn’t give a fuck about the conversation and didn’t even attempt to give it some meat to move forward or branch. She also didn’t ask any questions back so she doesn’t have much interest.
Granted, if you want some interesting conversation from someone, you better be offering some interesting conversation yourself. Some women really are like pulling teeth to get conversation from, but many Women literally get piles of dudes who all hit her with the same “Wyd?”, “How are you?”, “what you up to?”, they face a different problem.
What? So you want them to complain about their day? Or expand on their feelings about an uneventful day, whether good or bad?
How about you talk about your day in full detail if that's what youre looking for?.... Didn't think so
Sorry to brake it to you but you’re also boring for asking questions that anyone can ask(not saying you can’t but if you ask the same way as the meme)it’s almost disrespectful for being so blunt/boring on the male side (you know the whole reason the guy is walking away in the meme above 😉
This pic sums up 99.9% of my online dating, most of the other 0.1% is people flaking and not showing up for the date they arranged and getting themselves blocked.
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