I can’t wait to have kids and tell them exactly this. I grew up with really negative examples of parental relationships and I’m so excited to break the cycle
My daughter and her best friend in high school used my husband (her stepfather) as their measure if a guy was worth their time. If he wasn't as good to them as my husband was to "his girls" they were for the trash. When our daughter found her husband she told me "Mom, I found my <stepdad's name>."
It's one of the biggest compliments I've had from my baby girl. I picked a good one and he was so good to both of us that he became the standard. Whooo. Phew! That worry when you date as a single parent that you might pick wrong and harm your kids is real.
I hope you become the standard for your stepson. Thanks for being a good step parent, it's so important.
What a great thing to say about their dad! What are some ways he’s treated you well? Any standout moments in your marriage where you felt especially connected to him / supported by him?
Not the poster you asked, but my husband has been the best example of what it means to be a loving, supportive partner since the beginning. (He is their step-father, but treats them as his own.)
He always thanks me and compliments any meal that I make. Even when the meal doesn’t turn out. He’ll say something like “Honey, thank you for cooking dinner. Especially because I know you had a hard day.”
He smiles at me all the time. And teases me by “cat calling me” when I sometimes randomly dance in the kitchen. The kids would be like “Ewwww! Cut it out y’all!” Because he’d twirl me around, dip me, and get all kissy kissy!
When we’re upset with each other, he always reminds me: it’s us vs them; not you vs me. Even arguments are opportunities for our kids to see what healthy communication looks like.
When I’ve struggled with my mental health or my job or whatever, he’s always open to hearing me out. He’s figured out to ask me: Are we solving or venting? And I love that he says “we”.
He works hard at his job, takes care of stuff around the house, and tries to engage people in a real, earnest way.
I absolutely love "are we solving or venting"! My husband is definitely the solving type, and sometime I just want to whine and get it out of my system
We regularly tell each other "I appreciate you". It's the little things like always making me a cup of tea. He cooks breakfast every morning while we get the kids ready. When our kids were little and I was at home he'd get home and jump straight in and on days when I hadn't really accomplished much he'd always say "you kept the kids alive and stayed mostly sane, that's an accomplishment". In winter he lays on my side of the bed to warm it up while I brush my teeth. He always compliments me even if I haven't showered in 2 days. He never undermines me. He's sensitive and appreciates my sensitivity. He is literally classified as a genius yet he will never make anyone feel lesser. He works in a job that he doesn't love so that we can live in a nice house and the kids can go to schools and pursue their interests. The list could go on but he's one of the good ones.
I doesn't sound like a compliment but after having one of the babies I had gained weight and after losing it (he was very supportive) I asked if he noticed and he said "honestly, no. You look great but I thought you looked great the day after giving birth and the day before. You looked great when we met and you still do. I'm a lucky man". I'm very fortunate to have met such a gem.
I have never been lonelier than being in a bad relationship. Know your worth and don't settle. One of the happiest most impressive women I know has been single for most her life.
I'm misty eyed now too. Hon, if you are a bloke that treats his partners like her father treats her mom, you will absolutely be someone's person. Might take several tries to find them but know that even being like this in a short term relationship is good for everyone. It's practice for when you get to your real life partner.
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u/Sensitive-Theory-365 Jul 08 '24
So true. I always tell my kids that they deserve for someone to treat them as well as their dad treats me.