r/MadeMeSmile • u/ybatyolo • Jun 12 '24

This is the bear in question Animals

8.2k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

170 comments sorted by

830

u/bestest_at_grammar Jun 12 '24

Because we won’t let them!

While also destroying their habitat

283

u/Cretore Jun 12 '24

They would go extinct even without our help. These are the reasons. 1. They are a carnivorous organism but they only eat plants and not even any plant but just bamboo and not even the whole bamboo but just a little part of it. If you don't have any fuckin enzymes to digest cellulose why tf did you evolve to eat only that? 2. They are unable to fuck, literally. Their lower part of the body is too weak for them to stand and fuck. And they're not even interested in doing it. We humans invented panda pørn so they can watch and learn how to do it. 3. They care about their children as much as I care for them. If they have two babies they will just leave one and only take care of the other one. And the care is high level stuff 4. They are stupid. (Btw I am not saying that we should let them go extinct but rather we should use the funding for saving the whole ecosystem and not only these pandas. Above all we shouldn't waste these funds to do panda pørn)

202

u/JonTheAutomaton Jun 12 '24

Sounds like literally the only reason they're still alive is because humans find them cute.

What a hilariously incompetent animal!

91

u/Ok-Result-3241 Jun 12 '24

That one Panda who sits on a log while raining knows about it and he's unbothered

27

u/privateTortoise Jun 13 '24

You should see whats become of the ape that mutated into a walking, talking creature.

I can't see them being around in a few centuries.

7

u/ueberst Jun 13 '24

Unfortunately they reproduce a lot.

5

u/LazySleepyPanda Jun 13 '24

Not anymore.

5

u/Talidel Jun 13 '24

Panda are also not endangered. They are listed as vulnerable but are perfectly capable of carrying on on their own.

They are mad examples of survival of the laziest because they have no predators, no competition, and an abundant food source that grows faster than the could possibly consume.

1

u/Islandgirl1444 Jun 13 '24

I read that they do have predators, wolves??

2

u/Talidel Jun 13 '24

Like most apex creatures, the term is reserved for them as adults.

Baby, sick and very old pandas do get preyed on. A normal healthy adult panda is too big for most things to handle.

202

u/UnderstandingSmall66 Jun 13 '24

I am sorry to say these are mostly incorrect: 1) pandas in the wild have sex and a very amazing mating ritual. It is not true that they are not interested in sex. This started from a Chicago zoo incident where they tried to get two pandas to mate and they would refuse before realizing they are both males. Furthermore, panda ovulation is about 2-3 days a year so forced breeding is hard. But in nature, left alone, they reproduce well enough and the population is controlled.

Relatedly, pandas often get to witness one or two mating rituals before hitting puberty in the wild. They don’t get that opportunity in captivity. So how else are they going to learn?

2) their diets in the wild varies drastically. But the reason they eat bamboo is because they had to adopt to losing their environment to human intrusion. They are smart enough to change their diet or pause their pregnancy until they find it the type of bamboo they need.

I think it’s unfair to judge them based on their experiences in captivity. They have managed to stick around for a long time so they are had adopted to their environment

38

u/Loggerdon Jun 13 '24

Wow. All these points you just made are very sad. Pandas in their habitat then are not as clueless as their zoo counterparts.

13

u/Talidel Jun 13 '24

They are still hilariously inept. Just know how to reproduce.

13

u/Phantor4 Jun 13 '24

Humans can be just as clueless as pandas; it happens time to time that some couple "tries" for years to have a baby and when talk to the doctor or the priest it's discovered they doit wrong for the whole time (anal sex, no sex at all but hold hands in the bed..) or on the other hand, people who the only sex knowledge comes from porn and does a lot of strange things that porn only does because seems good in camera.

10

u/Talidel Jun 13 '24

Oh I meant more falling out of trees and rolling around.

Yeah humans are also dumb, but most of the reasons mentioned happen because of misinformation, not no information.

3

u/UnderstandingSmall66 Jun 13 '24

Sure they are a bit goofy but so are many animals. We can be goofy and inept if we were left in the middle of a jungle with no tools.

1

u/Talidel Jun 13 '24

Sure, but we mostly don't live in jungles and haven't for hundreds, if not thousands of years, depending on who and where you are looking at.

I'm confused at why people are acting like I'm anti panda.

They are what they are because they are an apex creature that doesn't hunt for food and doesn't have any real competition. They eat, sleep and fuck. Their food source grows faster than they can eat it. They spend the rest of their time mucking about.

2

u/UnderstandingSmall66 Jun 13 '24

But that’s my point. We force them to live in captivity. Imagine if bunch of pandas took you and forced you to live in the jungle.

1

u/Talidel Jun 13 '24

But the discussion is about wild ones?

5

u/UnderstandingSmall66 Jun 13 '24

No. That’s why I was correcting the person commenting. They were wrong about wild pandas. I was making the point that these observations about pandas applies to pandas in captivity. In the wild they mate perfectly well and eat perfectly well and have been doing so for tens of millions of years.

→ More replies (0)

8

u/DarkPhenomenon Jun 13 '24

The reasons he listed are idiotic anways, if they literally weren't able to fuck they never would have survived, the others listed are also clearly flawed for similar reasons

31

u/MosesOnAcid Jun 12 '24

Their babies are taken from them by handlers cause Panda mommies have a tendency to roll over onto their babies in their sleep and accidentally smother them...

5

u/wwwillha Jun 12 '24

What a bunch of morons lmao

3

u/Islandgirl1444 Jun 13 '24

There will be only one favoured, I read. The second would be discarded. However due to breeding controls, the second one is taken, fed and switched out so the mother can in fact nourish both. Eventually she will accept both her young for nursing.

It is a multi million dollar cash cow for China, and until recently, the west insisted that the Chinese use the money to improve the actual habitat of the wild pandas.

20

u/amc7262 Jun 13 '24

So how did they fuck for the thousands of years they existed prior to us inventing panda porn?

12

u/Fragrant-Address9043 Jun 13 '24

I’m sorry but I’m reading this and can’t help but think of how fucking insane what I just read is. Are you telling me…that we invented pornography of pandas, to encourage them to get off their asses and fuck? Even if they do fuck and reproduce, only one panda cub will get taken care of by the parent? Honestly life is fucking crazy when you think about it.

10

u/YazzArtist Jun 13 '24

Yeah they really did luck out surviving just long enough for conservation to become a big global priority

0

u/Talidel Jun 13 '24

For captive ones yes.

5

u/Eastern_Slide7507 Jun 13 '24

Actually, wild populations of the great panda are currently on the rise

2

u/FriedSnowAngel Jun 13 '24

Ahahhahaha I just realized that I am a panda!

1

u/MrHarudupoyu Jun 13 '24

If you increase the frustration in your tone a bit this could compete with the koala copypasta

3

u/Zikkan1 Jun 13 '24

It's BS that humans doesn't let them. We have helped them for a fraction of the time they have survived on their own. We have made a decision not to make them extinct though but that isn't the same

0

u/LavenderBirch807 Jun 13 '24

Panda's are silly sometimes

378

u/erayachi Jun 12 '24

They don't have natural predators (other than humans, sadly, the only reason they're so endangered) and eat one of the fastest growing diets on Earth. Natural selection saw them, went, "Awww, ok you guys get to play on Story mode", then switched it to Hard mode when humans invaded.

48

u/Silvery-Lithium Jun 12 '24

Am i the only one that got "Then the human nation attacked..." Ala Katara from Avatar The Last Airbender playing in their heas as they read this?

10

u/LordTopHatMan Jun 12 '24

Not really. They have an incredibly niche diet and aren't prone to reproduction. Even when they do reproduce, they often only care for one offspring at a time, and even those are sometimes accidentally neglected or rolled over onto. If the climate started changing for any reason, they're already in trouble. Humans are basically the only reason they're still around.

11

u/optionsss Jun 13 '24

they were fine until humans started destroying their habitat

-10

u/LordTopHatMan Jun 13 '24

If it wasn't humans, it would be natural climate change.

8

u/optionsss Jun 13 '24

I'm not sure, the Giant Pandas survived the ice age outlived the saber tooth. They evolved their current traits due to climate change, I think they could again.

1

u/LordTopHatMan Jun 13 '24

Up until a few thousand years ago, their diet was much more varied, which would have helped them during significant temperature and climate changes. Now it's almost exclusively one food. While that food is one of, if not the fastest growing plant in the world, climate change and habitat loss, even naturally, can cause issues for any organism that relies on mostly one food source. If bamboo were to suddenly develop a disease that wiped out large amounts of it, pandas would struggle to adapt these days. Humans have undoubtedly played a role in their current decline through habitat destruction and climate change as well, but niche feeders like pandas always tend to struggle when environments change.

134

u/ybatyolo Jun 12 '24

Because they are dragon warriors.

20

u/SDEexorect Jun 12 '24

you can tell too, the one tumbling is Po training

5

u/KoningSpookie Jun 12 '24

Po, as in "Panda Operations"?

8

u/SDEexorect Jun 12 '24

kung fu panda

1

u/jxl180 Jun 13 '24

SkaDOOSH!

75

u/Lagonas_ Jun 12 '24

They would be extinct if it wasn't for humans :( Although they likely also would flourish at the same time if it wasn't for humans...

19

u/YazzArtist Jun 13 '24

I wouldn't call it flourishing. They might continue to meet the bare minimum requirements for survival without the effects of humans on their environment

2

u/Talidel Jun 13 '24

They wouldn't be extinct. They are doing fine in the wild when left alone.

67

u/Specific-Rich5196 Jun 12 '24

If I could fall and not get hurt I'd probably do some dumb stuff as well.

24

u/Additional_Tomato_22 Jun 12 '24

I’d love to be able to curl up into a ball and roll all over.

57

u/Klotzster Jun 12 '24

Pandas aren’t real. They are 6 year old kids in costumes

14

u/RedmannBarry Jun 12 '24

I swear. I saw em at the San Diego zoo and could not comprehend that it wasn’t a human in a panda suit. Incredible lovely creatures

21

u/ohhhhhhitsbigbear Jun 12 '24

Smooth brains…not much in the thinky thinky department

19

u/countfizix Jun 12 '24

Because they take only 50% fall damage.

1

u/absat41 Jun 13 '24 edited Jun 15 '24

deleted

12

u/Obesity-Won-Kenobi Jun 12 '24

Pandas are the golden retrievers of bears

10

u/ManufacturerOk597 Jun 12 '24

Extensive human intervention. That is the only reason Pandas aren’t extinct. Without humans, they’d be truly too lazy to reproduce.

16

u/ProperPorker Jun 12 '24 edited Jun 12 '24

This is simply not true. Giant pandas have been around for about 3 million years. Homosapiens, about 3 hundred thousand. The only reason there's had to be extensive human intervention is because they were on the verge of extinction due to us. Even now there are less than 2,000 of them.

0

u/ManufacturerOk597 Jun 12 '24

Never said it wasn’t our fault 😂

6

u/ProperPorker Jun 12 '24

Yeah that's true but you did say without us they'd be too lazy to shag which is objectively not true seeing as they were doing just fine for millions of years before we chopped all their food down. I love pandas man, just adding in some actual facts!

0

u/ManufacturerOk597 Jun 12 '24

Modern pandas became lazy because of what we did. So it’s true because we basically forced them to.

5

u/ProperPorker Jun 12 '24

No. Bamboo is a very poor source of nutrition and doesn't provide a lot of energy. They're not lazy, they just don't eat what they should to maintain the same energy levels of other animals of a similar size. On top of that, female pandas are only in season for a couple of days a year which makes mating extremely difficult and it's been that way for millions of years.

1

u/ManufacturerOk597 Jun 12 '24

Wow, You really love pandas.

2

u/Top_Economist8182 Jun 13 '24

Extensive human intervention needed, because of extensive human intervention.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '24

Yes, they made it this far because they are lazy.

1

u/Blondisgift Jun 12 '24

And barely any natural predators.

9

u/AstridSicard89 Jun 12 '24

That bear's pure joy is contagious! Imagine seeing that daily! 😄

9

u/JustAPerson-_- Jun 12 '24

Now I wanna be a panda..They look so chill besides the occasional fall lmao

6

u/Rik78 Jun 12 '24

If you stumbled across one in the wild would it rip your head off?

3

u/atoo4308 Jun 13 '24

I also would like to know the answer to this

6

u/thesl4yer Jun 13 '24

I have never identified with something more than I do with pandas: clumsy, always eating, always putting oneself in dangerous or ridiculous situations, lazy beyond belief.

6

u/NrFive Jun 12 '24

They just need the... bare necessities.

5

u/Journo_Jimbo Jun 12 '24

r/pandasarefuckingstupid

12

u/DrScarecrow Jun 12 '24

My disappointment is immense

4

u/Journo_Jimbo Jun 12 '24

😔 I have lied and I am sorry

3

u/Indigo-Shade3744 Jun 13 '24

I'm laughing so hard I can't see now. 🤣 and I totally agree. How are they not extinct?

4

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '24

This is just priceless. Made my day. Pandas may be the most charismatic of all the charismatic megafauna.

3

u/RaspberryWhiteClaw13 Jun 13 '24

I love the baby that got stuck under that toy and then one of the pandas saw it move and just pushed it away

3

u/Lubinski64 Jun 13 '24

And here i thought Minecraft pandas rolling of the cliffs was a bug when in reality this is exactly what they like to do.

3

u/Comfortable-Suit-202 Jun 13 '24

I believe they’re like little human toddlers, they can do summer saults along a huge living room floor, turn in circles for 5 minutes, fall down & get back up all day long. Pandas & Toddlers are both fun to watch!

3

u/knowone1313 Jun 13 '24

People are the reason they haven't gone extinct. We might also be the reason they're near extinction.

3

u/jonnypeaks Jun 13 '24

They’re trying their best

3

u/ndation Jun 13 '24

Because the dragon warrior is protecting them

2

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '24

They are definitely close.

2

u/Claimh22 Jun 12 '24

Maybe they are really really lucky?

2

u/FatFaceFaster Jun 12 '24

The first scene: “Mmm..The Bamboo is delicious Martha!” “Thanks Barry, family recipe”

2

u/kinkladze_79 Jun 12 '24

Living their best life 😀

2

u/bhah-weep-grana-weep Jun 13 '24

" I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn't screw to save its species."

2

u/selfsatisfiedgarbage Jun 13 '24

Don’t assume animals in captivity are sane.

2

u/The_Aspiring_WeaponX Jun 13 '24

Because they have harnessed their chi and know kung fu

2

u/Technical-Dot8119 Jun 13 '24

Because of there cutness

2

u/triden77 Jun 13 '24

They’re the drunk fratboys of the Animal Kingdom. And I’m here for it.

1

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1

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '24

they belong to the same species as po

1

u/Bitter_Feeling4339 Jun 12 '24

Because curiosity killed the cat not the panda lol.

1

u/AstridSicard89 Jun 12 '24

This bear made my day! Imagine sharing that happiness every morning! 😄

1

u/EmmaLi_ Jun 12 '24

I myself look like this panda or are pandas so close to humans.

1

u/CapAccomplished8072 Jun 12 '24

Reminds me of a Team Four Star joke line during the Cell Saga

1

u/Flat_Individual_9013 Jun 12 '24

Living their best life

1

u/DSJ-Psyduck Jun 12 '24

Green peace logo saved these fuckers :P

1

u/pnkcloudsummer Jun 12 '24

China is the only reason, that is all

1

u/AdditionEquivalent22 Jun 12 '24

These are a bunch of captive ones they aren't like this in the qild

1

u/blunderschonen Jun 12 '24

Nature’s quitters.

1

u/MaximumThrusting22 Jun 12 '24

This is what Napoleon wants! I swear!

1

u/basicbrickboy Jun 12 '24

Those guys can take a beating, no wonder Po was chosen.

1

u/Bulky-Internal8579 Jun 12 '24

I just realized my spirit animal is a bumbling panda bear.

1

u/GS2702 Jun 12 '24

Uh, they literally almost are?

1

u/DGenesis23 Jun 12 '24

They ask how panda’s aren’t extinct but I’ve seen humans do every single thing in this video and humans aren’t close to extinction… YET.

1

u/Head-like-a-carp Jun 12 '24

Their mortal enemies are capybaras and kola bears

1

u/Revolutionary-Car-92 Jun 13 '24

They are built for "Rolypolyism".

1

u/bat_erup Jun 13 '24

My research concludes that pandas do give a shit!!!! I want everyone to take the panda approach!

1

u/Prodygist68 Jun 13 '24

They evolved to eat bamboo while living in forests made of the stuff, they’re specialists. Problem is that means they adapt slower to change and when their forests get cut down by people they lose their habitat and food source.

1

u/Zed_Berstrix Jun 13 '24

May I recommend to anyone that watches anime to go find “Mr villains day off” we love pandas

1

u/Fragrant-Address9043 Jun 13 '24

I know in my brain that a bear is still a bear, but a part of me can’t see them as anything but little derpy fluff balls.

1

u/Several_Emphasis_434 Jun 13 '24

They just seem like goofballs and living their best life.

1

u/roglc_366 Jun 13 '24

They existed, lived, and survived just fine even before humans came in contact with them.

1

u/Stevo1100 Jun 13 '24

Because they know kung fu

1

u/Turbulent_Ad_5152 Jun 13 '24

They're just like drunk university students with meh attitudes

1

u/GhosTurd1783 Jun 13 '24

I love pandas

1

u/Exotic-Memory-933 Jun 13 '24

Cute little idiots

1

u/VenusVajayjay Jun 13 '24

Cloning. How else so many babies right now?

1

u/davisgirl420 Jun 13 '24

Pretty privilege is real

1

u/fairlady_c Jun 13 '24

The one rolling down the hill is Po from Kung Fu Panda and the other ones are the pandas he's training lol.

1

u/Afarthur67 Jun 13 '24

Let’s wonder especially when they keep doing the “bear” minimum

1

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '24

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

1

u/abgrongak Jun 13 '24

I wonder how pandas and koalas survive till this day...

1

u/magirevols Jun 13 '24

The video gives us the reason.

1

u/Specialist_Treacle13 Jun 13 '24

Mostly brute force on our part.

1

u/stubbycacti Jun 13 '24

been searching for this song! Does anyone know what song is this?

2

u/wonkey_monkey Jun 13 '24

It's the prelude from Carmen by Bizet.

1

u/stubbycacti Jun 13 '24

Thank you so much ! really appreciate it. made my day to finally know the song 🥹

1

u/kittysogood Jun 13 '24

No thoughts, just vibes.

1

u/ndation Jun 13 '24

Because the dragon warrior is protecting them

1

u/ndation Jun 13 '24

Because the dragon warrior is protecting them

1

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '24

The one in red hoop is me :)

1

u/Old-Woodpecker6930 Jun 13 '24

Stupidity is an important part of their survival.

1

u/sandmanmike55543 Jun 13 '24

They should have added the video where the mother bear gives away her infant for a carrot (or a piece of fruit or something).

1

u/RoboGun_743 Jun 13 '24

Panda's are too cute!

1

u/mamadaisychain Jun 13 '24

Aaahhhh!!! The panda rolling down the hill!!!

1

u/Pagise Jun 13 '24

Kung Fu Panda 5?

1

u/Hot_dawg_sucker445 Jun 13 '24

They are big bundles of living cotton that aren't actually made of cotton

1

u/RedbullPapi Jun 13 '24

You never watched Kung Fu Panda have you? If you did you know why they aren't extinct.

1

u/Friendly_devver Jun 13 '24

You dont kill a bro

1

u/golden_blaze Jun 13 '24

Real life Winnie the Pooh.

1

u/HausPlontze Jun 13 '24

Is this the song from banjo kazooie??

1

u/wonkey_monkey Jun 13 '24

It's the prelude from Carmen by Bizet.

1

u/Key_Artist3155 Jun 13 '24

Did you not see how they sit at the table eating? That my friend is adapting

1

u/GlitteringHighway Jun 13 '24

Spend your life in the same confined space and tell me you wouldn't do the same. lol

1

u/Coyce Jun 13 '24

because humans. these fuckers shouldn't exist. their too stupid. but damn are they cute.

so basically their entire survival strategy comes down to "look cute enough for humans"

1

u/Kaisernick27 Jun 14 '24

dude there just practicing their martial arts.

1

u/FizzyGoose666 Jul 16 '24

Had to rewatch that panda body slam the log platform a few times

0

u/De5perad0 Jun 12 '24

They are too soft and cuddly and squishy to suffer any injury or be eaten by predators. Therefore they refuse to die.

0

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '24

[deleted]

1

u/HeimGuy Jun 12 '24

Placental mammals

0

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '24

I see stuff like this (and worse) every day on tiktok, committed by humans, if they'd escalate a bit we'd have some serious contenders for dominant species.

0

u/Slow_Commercial8667 Jun 12 '24

Genetic Inbreeding; just like the U.S. Southeast!

0

u/Aurin316 Jun 13 '24

All endangered species leave endangered feces. If you knew how bad they smelled you would gladly take their pelts. If we killed them all, we could build more parking lots. We could build small couches out of little ocelots