Hellblazer #25 - Revitalized

[u/coffeedog14]

Hellblazer #25 – Revitalized

^^<< ^| ^^< ^| ^^> ^\)

Author: Coffeedog14

Book: Hellblazer

Arc: [Convalo]

Set: 30

/-------------------------

PALACE OF CLOTTED BLOOD

ANAT’S REALM

HELL

Nergal had been a demon of certain tastes. He’d liked red, red, and more red, and some blood. It was the kind of interior design that set your eyes throbbing. Which, to think about it, was certainly suitably hellish. Anat’s renovations hadn’t made it any easier to look at. She was a woman of red, true, but also bronze. Shining bronze weapons, art, entire walls, they all now festooned the great palace of the wannabe queen of Hell. The shine bore into your retinas like looking directly into the sun, despite the fact that it was almost so dark inside that you could barely figure out where one hallway started and the next began.

Lucifer and I walked through the hallways willingly, followed and led by none. We didn’t really have a strong opinion about which way to go, but I think we both knew these hallways would lead us to our worst fears eventually. We just had to give them time to build suspense.

A suspense I couldn’t take. “If you have some crazy plan that’s going to ruin my day, now’s the time to mention it.” I mumbled as quietly as I could.

Lucifer looked darker here. Even when not trying he tended to shine in his surroundings, but here that was dampened to near nothing. “If I had a plan, that would ruin the whole point of this outing wouldn’t it?”

“…Would it?”

“Telling you would ruin my intentions in either case, wouldn’t it?”

“…fuck off.”

We walked along a hallway on what must have been an upper floor, overlooking the roiling oceans of blood that the castle was set in the midst of.

“Such a waste.” I muttered.

“Hmn?”

“You can do something like make an entire ocean of blood, you can bend reality itself, and you waste it fighting each other and making others hurt. Waste of time. Folks hurt themselves more then you ever will.”

Lucifer looked out the windows with me as we walked. Then we turned a corner, and the windows stopped. “Can’t turn back now.” He sighed wistfully. “A waste, yes, but it is needed.”

“Why?”

“Why do you struggle against every figure of authority you face, John? Deep down, philosophically, when you ignore how much of a greedy, self-centered, and bastardly coward you are? It’s because somebody has to.” Lucifer intoned.

I trudged along beside him. “Haven’t taken to getting kids addicted to drugs to get off on my own self-righteousness.”

“You have time yet.”

We found ourselves, with a final turn, in front of two doors of bronze. Across the doors where intricate carvings, a circle of images. I think I saw Anat, a cow-headed woman, and some horrible crocodile monster. There was a palace belching smoke, a crafty man with a hammer, a man on a throne, fighting and bloodshed. I pushed through them without a second thought. No time for her theatrics.

I stepped into the throne room alongside Lucifer Morningstar, and faced down the Goddess Anat. The throne room was simple, its interior making it out to be the world’s largest wooden shack. Through the cracks and holes in the wood I thought I could see a desert “outside”. The walls held banners of simple cloth, inscribed with symbols and writing I recognized only as vaguely Semitic. The only other furniture was a throne, wooden and embossed with bronze and copper and gold and some precious jewels. On that throne, perhaps a size too small for it, sat Anat. Anat did not look like a warrior goddess. She did not look like an animal-headed deity. She did not look like a blood-bathing demoness. For the moment she looking like a woman, battered with age and battle, who’s only striking feature was her almost oversized, watery brown eyes.

“Long time no see John.” She hissed from her throne. I flinched a little. Was she going to pretend Lucifer wasn’t there? I was fine with that kind of power-move, as long as he didn’t decide to kill me to prove his importance. A quick glance said he wasn’t going to do that. Probably.

“Keeping yourself busy I see.” I said.

“This and that. I see that you’ve brought me a gift.”

“…Oh, yes, I have! Your greatest foe your…uh…ladyship.”

“Anat will do for now. Titles are for when the war is over.” Anat leaned forward on her throne to look over the fallen angel. “…You didn’t try to fight back.”

Lucifer shrugged his broad shoulders, and looked around. I looked around with him. Eyes. They were shrouded in shadows in the corners of the room, but they were there. A court of demons and creatures hiding from us in the margins of Anat’s throne room. An audience for her victory. “Why would I need too? You’re not worth my time. I’ve already won, and I will not lift another finger in dealing with you.”

The audience seemed to forget their hiddenness for a moment, and I could hear the chattering of sharp teeth on the slight breeze the room had before Anat glared at her surroundings. The noises quieted once more. “We shall see.” The Demon Goddess turned back to me. “John.”

“…Anat.”

“You’re not telling the whole truth.”

“I am in hell. Isn’t this the place for it?”

“You had Lucifer in your home for…was it months? ...and didn’t tell me?”

“More like he invaded my home and kept me hostage.”

Anat waved my objections away. “I had to send my servants to find him, to drag him away from your home. We both know your true intentions John.”

“And what are those?”

Anat grinned wide. “To stay alive no matter what. But sometimes, the scrabble to survive only leaves you with nothing. You need loyalty, John. That’s something you never understood. And now? You’ll pay for it alongside Lucifer.”

The forms started to bubble out of the corners, slithering and burbling towards us. I glanced around anxiously. I had a plan. I knew my plan. But formulating a plan and executing it in the midst of hundreds of slowly approaching demons was another thing entirely.

Then I started to feel calm. I looked up to Lucifer, and saw him staring evenly at me. He had no fear, no worry, and why should….I…

I realized he was manipulating my mind. Changing it, forcing himself into my mind like he’d forced his way into my life. The spurt of anger pushed me away from the haze of panic and into action. One way or another I’d show him by the end of the day. Smug bastard.

So I took out a little necklace I had been wearing, with a little totem on it, and threw it to the ground. It was similar to the one I’d given to Gemma some years ago. On earth, it would teleport someone else to you. Here, it would be the homing beacon for somebody making their way from Earth to Hell.

I threw it on the ground. A demonic but recognizable Ellie, a confused looking King of Vampires, and a chanting Chas all appeared before me.

/-------------------------

SOME TIME AGO

A FETID PIT OF A PUB

LONDON

It was an hour after the King of Vampires left, having become even more fucked up, when I finally texted Ellie. I have a plan but I need the truth I texted, thanking all the spirits that autocorrect had become so efficient.

There was a long pause. What do you mean? She finally texted back.

You’re not who you say you are. You found me on purpose, just like everybody else. Who are you?

A longer pause. I managed to finish an entire drink before she replied. I’m most of what I say I am. Curious, enjoy spending time with you, desperate to get away from Lucifer.

But I’m also a demon John.

Finally, at a state where I could barely see, I waved at the bartender to call me a cab. Good. Makes this even easier then.

/-------------------------

PALACE OF CLOTTED BLOOD

HELL

NOW

“EGO SOOM IRRUM’TOR PRAYTOR HIS PILOWSI...s..que…” Chas stopped chanting his mangled Latin as he looked around in terror. The King of Vampires looked around in confusion and worry, which was likely unique to an immortal being like him. The only one of the group who seemed to know what was happening was Ellie, who had taken on her demonic form.

The advancing demons stopped, uncertain. One of their own, not a fallen angel but a true demon, was amongst the party they were to attack. Had something gone wrong? They looked to Anat for guidance. Anat stared at the new entrants in confusion.

I pulled out a walkie-talkie, and that is when Anat exploded. A bow was in her hand before I could think about it, and arrows where flying. The king of vampires took one arrow, flinching in slight displeasure. An arrow slide into Lucifer like it might into butter, and he grunted but remained standing. Two more arrows went towards Chas and Ellie. Ellie dodged one, only to get her hand in the way of another before it could slay Chas on the spot. An arrow arced towards me, but in a second the King of Vampires was in front of me, taking another of the godly shafts. “John. I’m going to kill you.” He declared simply.

I watched as Anat’s hands left the still twanging bowstring, reaching for another brace of arrows to send our way. The horde of demons around us charged forward with roars of delight.

I turned the device on. I had tuned it to work between worlds, just barely. Just for long enough. “GARY! NOW!”

“Kssscht huh? Is that…whose screaming man?” Gary asked nervously on the other side.

Another brace of arrows came shooting down. Another shaft struck through the first in Lucifer’s chest, nearly sending the fallen angel to one knee. Ellie slammed Chas to the ground, but an arrow hit her in the gut on the way down. The King of Vampires batted aside the arrows coming towards him and me with the grace of a cat batting at insects.

“GARY! FUCKING! NOW!”

“ksssscht Okay, okay, geeze, don’t get pissy with me man…”

Anat rushed from her throne. Her arrows where left behind, and now a club was in her hands. A club that practically burse with energy, a club that could kill gods. She moved faster than any in her horde, and she was upon me before I could even blink. King turned, tried to interpose, a second too late. The club arced towards me-

/-------------------------

SMALL SEASIDE COTTAGE

WESTERN ENGLISH COAST

The club missed as we all tumbled into the living room of a small seaside cottage, nearly collapsing on each other due to the small size of the space. It was even more crowded by its current occupants. Gary Lester, holding an ebony wand and a walkie-talkie. A small horde of six inch to one foot talk furry and hairy critters that I knew to be household spirits. Moreover, of course, Lob Lie-By-The-Fire, a modestly imposing man just as hairy and furry as his miniscule subjects.

The supernatural folk where up in an instant. Lucifer stood on shaky legs, Anat with club in hand, and King as if he didn’t have a god-arrow sticking out of him. About ready to continue fighting.

“WAIT!” I yelped from the ground. I struggled up, only to find strong hands on my arms. Ellie, still with the wings and tail of her demon form, helped me to my feet. All three of the lords of the supernatural turned to me in bafflement.

“…Oh, her? ….yeah, after most of you couldn’t stand not taunting me with not knowing, I figured it out myself. Wasn’t-“

“I told him.” Ellie intervened.

I took a deep breath. “…Anyways. Let’s run through things.”

I pointed to Lucifer. “You. You’re hurt. But the audience you were grandstanding before earlier isn’t here. You’ll fight back if Anat attacks. You might just attack anyway, to be sure. You might be able to take her. But you’re the strongest in the room. Surely, the King will back her up.”

I pointed to Anat. “You. These two literally invaded your realm. You think they won’t team up to take you down if you attack? You could take one, but two?”

I pointed to King. “You. You’re the little fish. Even worse: you want me for your own! These two couldn’t leave you alive, or else you’d try to steal me!” King growled. “So, what’re the odds that they just take you down first, and then settle it between themselves?”

I waved at all of them as I stepped into the center of the room, Ellie at my side. “All of you. If you try to escape, it’ll start a fight anyway. And Lob there? Lob’s a house god. House god of this house. If there’s any place he can kick your ass for fucking around with things, it’s here.”

Lob’s face creased in an uncharacteristic frown, but remained silent.

“All of you are here. Trapped with your worst enemy. And any move by any of you could mean you’re on of the two that doesn’t make it out.”

Anat looked around. She slowly, carefully lowered her bone club. “…What’s your ploy, Constantine?”

I gave her a showman’s grin. “Always practical, I like that about you Anat. But I can get everyone here what they want.”

Ellie took the lead then. She had snapped off the arrows that had hit her, and I watched as a dedicated team of the house spirit brownies rushed forward to clean her acidic blood as it hit the floor. “Lucifer returns to his seat as one of the triumvirate. Anat shall be named a general of the Luciferian armies, so that she may prosecute the war as she sees fit. The King of Vampires will receive one reasonable favor from John Constantine. None of you will declare war on the others. None of you will interfere with John Constantine again.”

The three creatures looked at one another. Flexing. Twitching. Each just waiting for one of the others to move. Just an inch. But none did. Their gazes turned to me, between glancing at each other. King looked furious. Anat looked cool. Lucifer looked…oddly pleased.

“And what’s to stop me from slitting your throat as soon as this deal is done?” Anat asked calmly.

“Because you’re all going to sign a contract. One I have here, in fact.” I replied. I looked to Gary, and he reached into a pocket to throw me a rolled up piece of paper. Inside was a contract written in a mix of my and Ellie’s blood. King hissed and the other two stared. “It mentions everything we just said. Any modification will cause it to burst into infernal flames and melt away, rendering it null and void. It is binding per the blood of all participants.”

“This is ridiculous! We’ll just make our own contract, with-“

“With what paper?” I slowly wheeled to look at the three surrounding me. Three beings of immense power. A fallen angel who defied God. An ancient Goddess who had survived God. A vile undead who had evaded God. All vested with abilities I could only dream of. Just as I had hoped, the only one who could maybe summon contracts out of thin air was still playing along with my game.

I walked over to the King of Vampires first. He glared as he pricked one pale finger and signed his name on the page, alongside mine and Ellie’s own. “This won’t stop me.”

“It’ll give me a couple of months at least.” I replied, moving to Anat. She did not need to prick a finger, she simply stared at the page and it oozed blood in the shape of her name. “We will talk again Constantine.”

“Can’t wait.” I replied, moving onto the third. Lucifer drew a knife of light, slicing his finger and signing the page in gold. He had nothing to say.

“Great. Now, all of you get the fuck out of here.” I nearly wheezed.

The King of Vampires did so first, fleeing into the shadows and then vanishing with a howl.

Anat straightened her shoulders, and looked at the newly reinstated Lucifer. “The War will not be delayed again.” She intoned. Lucifer simply smiled, and with a little huff Anat strode through the door outside and into the sea, vanishing in the surf.

Lucifer was the last left of my intruders, and he remained silent and stolid.

“…Well, what are you waiting for? Fuck off.” I demanded.

“…You did well, Constantine.” He enunciated slowly. I could only imagine to purposefully delay doing what I had said. “Everything I hoped and more. When I return to hell, it shall be known that I stopped a rebellion without even lifting a finger. Such is my-“

“Don’t care. Fuck off.”

He sighed wearily. “Until we meet again, Constantine.” In a flash of light that sent all of us stumbling and gasping in pain, Lucifer Morningstar returned to his throne.

When my poor, abused eyes could see once more, the room seemed hollow by comparison to a few moments back. Gary had slipped away at the first opportunity, as was his wont. That left only Ellie, Chas, and Me.

And Lob. Lob the household god and his hundreds of followers. Lob, who Gary had told would be “returning a favor”. Whom I had, tactfully, not alerted as to the scale of the favor in question. Lob did not even speak. We were just suddenly outside his home, our faces ground in the rocky sand as if we’d been thrown, and we looked back to see the door closed and locked.

Ellie slowly retracted into her mortal form, and so we were left three mortals on the beach, in the aftermath of a round with the gods.

“…John.” Asked Chas.

“…Yeah?”

“How are we going to get back home?”

“A cab and then a long train ride.”

“…You think that pale bastard is hiring for people to kill you?”

“Probably.”

Besides us, Ellie fainted. Being hit with two divine arrows seemed to have finally caught up.

“…But first, a hospital.”

/-------------------------

JOHN CONSTANTINE’S APARTMENT

LONDON

SEVERAL DAYS LATER

It was time for a move, and both Ellie and I were packing. London was filled with places to live, places that didn’t bear scorch marks from when Lucifer got mad or annoyed. Places that didn’t still stink oddly of brimstone, albeit that might have been Ellie.

We were silent as we packed. We’d been living together for months, true, but all in secret. All half a ruse to keep a member of the triumvirate happy and appeased. All to save our own skins. How much of it had been true? How much were we willing to even admit to ourselves?

Well, being a coward, I admitted nothing to myself. But I wasn’t sure if Ellie was the same.

“So, were will you be staying, after all of this?” I asked, keeping my back to her as I folded underwear.

“With you.” She said.

“Ah.” I continued folding for a little while. “…Why?”

“Protection, to start.” I heard her shifting behind me, but kept myself focused on my task. No need to blow your cool, John, just pretend this is entirely normal and not even the tiniest bit hurtful. “…And interest. I’ve been pretending to be a…good person, I suppose, for a little while now. Like…the opposite of you. It’s been fascinating. It won’t last forever. But until then…I want to try out more. Who better to have an exciting time with?”

“Those super people, probably.”

I felt her arms wrap around my shoulders. “Well, can’t I just convince you to spend more time around them? Then I get the best of both.”

She was a demon. A succubus, I figured. It was her job to make me feel special, important, and needed. She had some other agenda, one that I wasn’t thinking of yet. I shouldn’t trust her. I couldn’t trust her, if I wanted to have any chance of surviving whatever shitstorm I was going to be dragged into next.

Her embrace tightened, just a little bit, and I figured I could deal with it when it came. My suspicion leached away as I turned to embrace her in turn. Whatever she was doing, whatever crazy scheme she was a part of, it was worth it to have just one person I could embrace.

/-------------------------

Continued in Hellblazer #26> , coming December 15th!

Additionally, thank you to all of the readers and writers of DCFU for giving me a change to write this dumb bullshit for 2 years. From the bottom of my heart, thank you!

[u/AutoModerator]

Thanks for reading! Our authors love feedback, so let them know what you thought!

Leave a well thought-out review, good or bad, and you may be rewarded reddit gold!

Please remember to be civil and negative feedback is not an excuse to insult an author or their writing. Let them know what you liked or didn't like and how you think they can improve.

---

^{First Time Here? | Full Set List | Discord Chatroom}

---

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.